Just Sizing Up the Produce Section

I have seen extremely large hammerhead sharks do THIS VERY THING during my years in Florida. It’s deliciously spooky to watch a fifteen-foot hammerhead cruise along slowly, parallel to the shoreline, in shallow, clear water, as if perusing cuts of meat in the butcher’s section of a grocery store. A packed beach of people will stand and watch the eerie scene and spend a several more minutes on land drinking beer before dipping their toes in the surf again. Trust me. Big sharks of any kind inspire preternatural awe.


#HammerheadSharks #Sharks #WithMyOwnEyes #AuthorJonathanKieran #JonathanKieran #WriterJonathanKieran #CaliforniaLife #OnTheEdge #Wistwood #JonathanKieranTheAuthor #JonathanKieranMusic #JonathanKieranNewAlbum #JonathanKieranArtist #Jericho #JonathanKieranJericho #JerichoAlbum #WritersOfInstagram 

40 Crocodiles Eat Man Who Runs Family Crocodile Farm

If anyone can beat this tale in terms of listing hazardous jobs statistically likely to involve lost limbs and tragic endings, please feel free to share. I hope some Cambodian troubadour at least composes an ode in the poor fellow’s honor. At least a legend might live-on after such an auspicious end.


#UncleSatay #RIP #DontPokeTheCroc #BalanceIsEverything #Oops #AuthorJonathanKieran #JonathanKieran #WriterJonathanKieran #CaliforniaLife #OnTheEdge #Wistwood #JonathanKieranTheAuthor #JonathanKieranMusic #JonathanKieranNewAlbum #JonathanKieranArtist #Jericho #JonathanKieranJericho #JerichoAlbum #WritersOfInstagram 

Proper Conservation Bears Sharky Fruit

There are more fish in our oceans these days and healthier ecosystems—the likes of which we have not seen since the 1940s and 1950s, just before rampant efforts by bigger, more powerful international fishing industry behemoths began to devastate various populations of sea life. During the 80-year interim, it’s little wonder why recreational activities like surfing, diving, bodyboarding, kayaking, and swimming exploded in popularity, especially once large sharks were much less of a common threat, the apex predators having been significantly reduced in numbers.

But the human revels that have come to be taken for granted as cultural mainstays of water-sport have got to be reconsidered, now that responsible conservation has replenished most of the world’s oceans with an abundance of sea life and surging populations of hungry sharks that are ready to play their natural part in the “circle of life.” This piece from CBS news does a fine job in terms of pinpointing the need for human beings who love the water to readjust their perspectives—and their behaviors—after nearly a century of enjoying relative safety due to previous (and ultimately harmful) imbalances. This is the first popular news piece I have seen that articulates this stark reality in such a manner. Love it.

The sea is a wilderness and humans who now intrude into such wilds without due caution and awareness of their surroundings have got to suck it up and modify their activities accordingly. We had things fairly easy for a hundred years when it comes to being freewheeling water-babies, folks. The time has come to take stock of our proper place when interacting with ecosystems that have regained much of the vibrance we once brazenly destroyed.


#conservation #ecosystems #greatwhitesharks #marinelife #marinebiology #sharkpopulations #cbsnews #recreation #oceans #recalibration #changingperspectives #AuthorJonathanKieran #JonathanKieran #WriterJonathanKieran #CaliforniaLife #OnTheEdge #Wistwood #JonathanKieranTheAuthor #JonathanKieranMusic #JonathanKieranNewAlbum #JonathanKieranArtist #Jericho #JonathanKieranJericho #JerichoAlbum #WritersOfInstagram 

Egad! Ugly Egyptian Temples in Chino Hills, California? I’ll Pass.

THESE STOREFRONT “TEMPLES” located at The Commons in Chino Hills, CA, are certainly new on my Egyptological Enthusiast’s radar. Both structures are obviously intended to reproduce the renowned original cliffside-hewn sanctuaries of Abu Simbel, built thousands of years ago by Pharaoh Ramses II. The larger of the two original temples was dedicated to the deified king himself and a coterie of national gods like Ptah, Amun-Ra, Ra-Harakhte, and Thoth, while the smaller “boutique” temple nearby was consecrated to Ramses’s favorite wife, the beautiful Nefertari, appearing in the guise of Hathor, goddess of beauty and music.

These edifices in Chino Hills are not even a fraction of the size of the actual temples at Abu Simbel (I’ve seen the originals, baby) and in terms of workmanship they fall abysmally short, in comparison. Normally I don’t endorse cheap knock-offs of any glorious monument or relic from antiquity. I find these to be fairly ugly; they have all the aesthetic disappointment of a Taj Mahal made out of Legos, after seeing the real thing. But I’ll give this project a couple of points because few people can actually travel to Egypt to view the majestic temples, resplendent in size and craftsmanship, themselves, and one hopes that the purpose of these facades is to educate tourists—in some way—about their infinitely more glorious prototypes. Otherwise, they’re chintzy and fairly hideous to behold: with all the “wow factor” of quickie set pieces designed by crews to stage some old, pseudo-exotic RKO B-movie starring Yvonne DeCarlo.

And the writer of the piece lost me entirely by mentioning that “some people believe the ancient Egyptian pyramids and temples were built by aliens.” People who believe that should be dipped in natron and pitch.

I mean, Washington D.C. has fabulous large-scale reproductions of Greek temples (Lincoln Memorial, Supreme Court) and a tremendous Egyptian-style obelisk (Washington Monument) … did little green men build those? Humans can be too stupid to live. Ho freakin’ hum diddly-do.


#KnockOffEgypt #BargainBasementAbuSimbel #ChinoHills #TouristHotspots #GoToEgypt #AuthorJonathanKieran #JonathanKieran #WriterJonathanKieran #CaliforniaLife #OnTheEdge #Wistwood #JonathanKieranTheAuthor #JonathanKieranMusic #JonathanKieranNewAlbum #JonathanKieranArtist #Jericho #JonathanKieranJericho #JerichoAlbum #WritersOfInstagram 

My Second Favorite Predator Grabs a Snack

People who fail to keep an eye on their beloved canines while frolicking in an around Saltwater Crocodile territory in Australia (or gator country in the Southeastern USA, for that matter) should not be surprised when a faithful consumer of Doggie Chow actually becomes the chow. Many an elderly granny has learned this the hard way in Florida—and gators will gladly take an unwary Granny if they can’t quite get hold of her yapping Yorkie on its leash. Don’t just watch the water in such places, stay the hell away from it or risk getting stuffed under a rotten log for midnight snacking in the murky shallows.


#PoorFido #PoorGRANNY #SaltwaterCrocodiles #Alligators #LunchToGo #JonathanKieranAuthor #JonathanKieranWriter #iPadSucks #ChineseProductsStink #AppleSucks #MyNewiPadSucks #WorldOfIncompetence #JonathanKieranBlog

All Aboard to Cape Cod … the Beaches Are Open!

Just be sure to wear a black wetsuit when taking that delightful dip.

Truly, with the entertainment industry bereft of new ideas (though countless new stories and works are created ever year) and intent upon remaking classic kids’ films and shitty comic book tales in ridiculously infantilized “woke” incarnations, why not up the artistic ante? Inject a dose of realism into such upcoming works, along with sensible plot twists.

For example, send the Little Mermaid on vacation to Cape Cod in the midst of a Great White Shark invasion like the one described in the above article. Have Viola Davis playing the Danish undersea heroine. Stark in artistic delivery, rife with verisimilitude, and genuinely exciting—especially once the feeding frenzy begins after Viola explains DEI to a group of circling charcharadon charcharias. It would be a win/win for Hollywood and for audiences alike. Practically a documentary.


#greatwhitesharks #HollywoodFare #AuthorJonathanKieran #JonathanKieran #WriterJonathanKieran #CaliforniaLife #OnTheEdge #Wistwood #JonathanKieranTheAuthor #JonathanKieranMusic #JonathanKieranNewAlbum #JonathanKieranArtist #Jericho #JonathanKieranJericho #JerichoAlbum #WritersOfInstagram 

Ironbound Wants Some Low-Country Grub

First, I have to state that “Ironbound” is a stupid name for a great white shark. Or any animal. These marine biologists/researchers need to up their naming game skills. “Young Feisty Bastard” would have been JUST RIGHT.

And 12 feet does not constitute a “massive” Great White Shark, as some outlets have been hyperbolizing. Ironbound is an adolescent. But make no mistake: if you are in the ocean and this shark is nearby and hungry, you are in some serious shit.

Vacationers in Myrtle Beach! Listen up. Is your 30 year-old son whining about having nothin’ to do because the hotel doesn’t have Wii videogames and sunshine kinda burns that pasty-white, basement-dwellin’ epidermis? Tell him to go have a swim, at least 100 ft out.

Thank me later.


#GreatWhiteSharks #Ironbound #MyrtleBeach #SouthCarolina #AuthorJonathanKieran #JonathanKieran #WriterJonathanKieran #CaliforniaLife #OnTheEdge #Wistwood #JonathanKieranTheAuthor #JonathanKieranMusic #JonathanKieranNewAlbum #JonathanKieranArtist #Jericho #JonathanKieranJericho #JerichoAlbum #WritersOfInstagram 

🚨Rumors From the Vatican🚨

Supposedly a new dogmatic definition is forthcoming from the boys in red ballgowns for the purposes of the inclusivity of mysteriously vanished female aviatrixes according to proper theological diversity and assorted What-Not. ALLEGEDLY the papal pronouncement will read as follows:

We proclaim and define it to be a dogma revealed by God that Amelia Earhart, when the course of her earthly life was finished, was taken up body and soul into the glory of heaven and not consumed by ginormous coconut crabs.

Sounds momentous and all sacred-like. Stay tuned for more news about this potentially historic religious watershed.


#DoingTheVaticanRag #AmeliaEarhart #Vatican #dogma #satire #dogmaticdefinition #AuthorJonathanKieran #JonathanKieran #WriterJonathanKieran #CaliforniaLife #OnTheEdge #Wistwood #JonathanKieranTheAuthor #JonathanKieranMusic #JonathanKieranNewAlbum #JonathanKieranArtist #Jericho #JonathanKieranJericho #JerichoAlbum #WritersOfInstagram

Happy Birthday, Grace Jones

Simply standing in place is woman is a work of high art. Her talents are the rich, sumptuous, nougaty center. Happy 75th Birthday, Grace Jones. We hymn Ye.


#GraceJones #GraceJonesBirthday #Immortal #Legend#PullUpToTheBumper #AuthorJonathanKieran #JonathanKieran #WriterJonathanKieran #CaliforniaLife #OnTheEdge #Wistwood #JonathanKieranTheAuthor #JonathanKieranMusic #JonathanKieranNewAlbum #JonathanKieranArtist #Jericho #JonathanKieranJericho #JerichoAlbum #WritersOfInstagram 

Be Careful Out There, Royalty May Run You DOWN

My cat was emerging from her “igloo-style” litter box this morning as I was entering the laundry room and she zipped unexpectedly between my legs to make her escape. I was forced to put a steadying hand on the edge of the washing machine for a second.

I describe this encounter as “near catastrophic.” But what can you expect from royalty. Ms. Beans is a princess, after all.

UPDATE: For those vaguely interested, I shall reiterate: My posts have been fairly pithy for good reasons, lately, and shall continue to be so unless something really gets my goat and demands a proper diatribe.

I am currently working on the completion of FOUR (count ‘em) 4 major projects simultaneously. Progress has been steady, save for a month’s interruption to attend to certain familial matters of a rather serious nature. As my projects come to fruition, more details shall be revealed indeed.


#NearCatastrophic #AuthorJonathanKieran #JonathanKieran #WriterJonathanKieran #CaliforniaLife #OnTheEdge #Wistwood #JonathanKieranTheAuthor #JonathanKieranMusic #JonathanKieranNewAlbum #JonathanKieranArtist #Jericho #JonathanKieranJericho #JerichoAlbum #WritersOfInstagram 

Serrated Update

HERE is a bit more info concerning the recent attack and apparent death/consumption of an Australian surfer by a highly aggressive great white shark. One eyewitness account seems to indicate that the predator was “at least ten feet” long, which is relatively small for a Great White prepared to eat an adult human being in its entirety. In some respects, the reports about length and the ferocity of the attack might indicate the involvement of another dangerous species like the Bull Shark—also known to frequent Australian waters. However, the extent of trauma (apparent consumption in toto) and the region’s already longstanding reputation as a Great White Shark hunting territory points toward the fearsome charcharadon charcharias as being the most likely “culprit” in this tragic happenstance. An adolescent white shark of ten feet can certainly inflict all the damage required to dismember and subsequently digest a full-grown man, and the enthusiasm that often comes with relative inexperience in these mercurial beasts might account for the savagery of the hit. This was a hungry young apex predator and it meant business. Hopefully more specific data will be forthcoming from law enforcement and marine researchers as the details and evidence of the incident are gathered and assessed. Of course, continued best wishes for the unfortunate gentleman’s family, friends, and students (he was a teacher) continue to be extended. Be careful out there, fellow ocean-lovers. RIP, Simon.


#GreatWhiteShark #GreatWhiteSharkAttack #Australia #AuthorJonathanKieran #JonathanKieran #WriterJonathanKieran #CaliforniaLife #OnTheEdge #Wistwood #JonathanKieranTheAuthor #JonathanKieranMusic #JonathanKieranNewAlbum #JonathanKieranArtist #Jericho #JonathanKieranJericho #JerichoAlbum #WritersOfInstagram 

No, We’re NOT Mistaken for Seals

Another Australian surfer has gone down to Davy Jones’s locker in the grip of serrated Great White Shark teeth and a swirling cloud of gore. This unfortunate gentleman, Simon Baccanello, a popular local teacher and sports coach (as re-reported by Beach Grit) was just offshore in a lineup of perhaps a dozen other nearby surfers when a large Great White Shark singled him out for lunch and torpedoed him right off his board and into the Fatal Shark Attack History Books.

The guy apparently warned his fellow surfers (one as young as thirteen) and urged them to high-tail it to safety on shore even as the shark approached to commence the feeding. People on shore were even able to see the shark approaching Baccanello and began sounding alarms, so this tells me that the Great White in question was an exceptionally large specimen. As more information becomes available from shocked eyewitnesses and study of the remains of Baccanello’s surfboard (bitten through the middle) don’t be surprised to hear numbers like 17 or 18 thrown out in regard to the attacker’s length. This was undoubtedly a Big Mama. Witnesses report that it took the beast only three forays to finish poor Simon off: not a sign of his body was found, save for shreds of wetsuit that washed up on the beach.

Again, BIG shark.

The pattern of attack, accompanied by thrashing and three lunges at the victim, shares some similarities with the infamous attack on Brit swimmer, Simon Nellist, in Aussie waters last year. That incident, filmed in every gruesome detail, ended with the big, aggressive great white biting off Nellist’s head, both arms, and both legs until his mere torso was left floating in the chop, seagulls swooping in for bits of flesh and tiny threads of what little blood remained in the corpse pulsing weakly out of his ravaged backside into the cerulean blue of the cruel, cruel sea.

Then the shark came back and grabbed the rest of the torso. Nellist’s remains were never found, either.

To those researchers who keep insisting, as if chanting mantras or incantations, that these Great White Sharks are somehow too blind or stupid to distinguish their usual prey (swift-moving seals!) from humans loitering awkwardly in the water on boards and only nab people “mistakenly” … shove it up your asses. This species is a billion years old and its discernment and pursuit of prey has been honed and refined by eons of evolution and practice.

They can tell a damned human from a seal.

The same dubious eyes might be rolled at researchers and their insistence that these big sharks only “test bite” their mistaken-for-seals human prey and then move on, suddenly realizing, “Hey! This isn’t my usual breakfast.”

Twaddle! There have been far too many accounts of people being consumed whole—sometimes swallowed whole!—by large Great White Sharks. This certainly appears to be the case with recent victims Baccanello and Nellist. So “up your jacksies” with the whole “test bite” theories, too, Ye marine biologists who tell people not to fear large sharks. “Humans don’t possess enough fat to interest great whites!” they also squeal. Morons—a great white shark will take a friggin’ pelican bobbing in the water, if they’re hungry. Don’t talk to me about “fat content.”

The logic used to undergird this kind of casuistry borders on the ludicrous, e.g. large sharks are unable to tell the difference between humans and seals at close quarters, but they are equipped to distinguish the specific fat content suitable for their dietary needs when it comes to potential prey items floating about the briny and make judicious assessments about grocery shopping thereupon? My ass!

Fear is a wise quality to possess when entering the wild, and the ocean is the Wild, my friends. Fear doesn’t have to mean cringing, crippling anxiety. It need only denote healthy respect, awareness, and an abundance of awe-inspired caution.

If you’re in the water and a large, hungry Great White Shark is in the same water, it will note immediately that you don’t have flippers and won’t be evading its jaws with acrobatic maneuvers. It will gladly feast on you.

Oh, and I’d think twice before entering Australian ocean waters if your name happens to be Simon.

RIP to the surfer and may his loved ones find comfort where it may be found.


#GreatWhiteShark #SharkAttack #Australia #GreatWhiteSharkAttack #SimonNellist #SimonBaccanallo #EatenAlive #Surfing #BeachGrit #MarineBiology #Oceanography #DavyJonesLocker #AuthorJonathanKieran #JonathanKieran #WriterJonathanKieran #CaliforniaLife #OnTheEdge #Wistwood #JonathanKieranTheAuthor #JonathanKieranMusic #JonathanKieranNewAlbum #JonathanKieranArtist #Jericho #JonathanKieranJericho #JerichoAlbum #WritersOfInstagram