Lunch-Hour with Bob and Sheila … #MaleficentPresumptions

"So Bob, have you given any thought to the salvation of your immortal soul, lately? What I mean is, have you asked You Know Who to come into your You Know Where and be your personal You Know What?"

“So Bob, have you ever thought about the difference between good and evil and the implications this might have for one’s immortal soul?”

"Hold it right there, Sheila. I don't go in for all that mumbo jumbo about the Bible, and salvation, and Lords and Saviors. In fact you're the last person on earth I would ever expect to turn fundamentalist. Why, only last week you were happily nibbling the earlobes off of helpless senior citizens down at the nursing home. Don't tell me that you, of all people, have found religion."

“Hold it right there, Sheila. I don’t go in for all that mumbo jumbo about the Bible, salvation, and God coming into a perfectly wretched heart and setting up shop like He was opening a damned amusement park for sociopaths. In fact, you’re the last person on earth I would ever expect to turn fundamentalist! I mean, only last week you were happily nibbling the earlobes off of helpless senior citizens down at the nursing home. The health department thought it was rats! That was some exquisite work. Don’t tell me that you, of all people, have now found religion.”

"Who said anything about religion, you ass? I was just wondering if you'd seen the new Angelina Jolie movie, Maleficent."

“Relax, Bob. Who said anything about religion? I was just wondering if you’d seen the new Angelina Jolie movie, Maleficent. I was gonna ask you if you thought it was an accurate portrayal of good versus evil. Sheesh.”

"Oh. Sorry, Sheila. I have seen the movie and that is a fairy tale I can highly recommend. Very accurate portrayal. Forgive me for thinking you'd gotten saved."

“Oh. Gosh. Sorry, Sheila. Well, yes, I have seen the movie and that is one fairy tale I can highly recommend to all viewers. Very accurate portrayal by Ms. Jolie-Pitt. Er … please forgive me for thinking you’d gone and gotten yourself saved. I shoulda known better.”

"Oh, just finish your knucklebone stew and cartilage salad so we can get back to work. I'll pretend you never said anything, as usual."

“Oh, just finish your knucklebone stew and cartilage salad so we can get back to work, you big goofball. I’ll pretend you never said anything, as usual.”


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Jonathan Kieran is slowly withdrawing from contemporary human society in protest against a myriad of offenses against taste and decency, but his epic new novel is slated for release in 2015. Stay tuned for more news about the book in coming months.

Jonathan is also the author of the classically appointed Rowan Blaize series of modern fairy-tales and novels. Visit Jonathan Kieran’s Official Facebook Page and give it a “Like,” if you are so inclined. Meanwhile …

Escape the Imminent Collapse of Civilization, if only for a few hours. A sweeping modern fairy-tale is born with the Rowan Blaize series of books. Click on the book covers to the right or have a look below …

Watch the Rowan Blaize Book Trailer HERE.

Book One = The magical cornerstone – a lavishly illustrated epic narrative poem … a genuine “spell” for the young and young-at-heart to treasure for a lifetime, telling the story of sorcerer Rowan Blaize’s battle to regain his magic powers. (Think Beowulf-meets-Dr.Seuss or an epic story-in-verse of a scope similar to Tolkien’s soon-to-be-released The Fall of Arthur, only contemporary.)

Book Two = The rip-roaring novel that continues the adventures of Rowan Blaize and introduces the three hilarious witches of the Ancient City, along with its dysfunctional werewolves, wraiths, ghosts, vampires, dryads, banshees and a beauty pageant brat that just might destroy the world.

Book Three = The next novel that finds Rowan trapped by a spell in another world, caught between a faery-squashing sorceress who’ll stop at nothing to conquer the kingdom … and a feisty teenage prince who’s determined to get it back.

Click here to purchase the Kindle e-books and watch a video of Jonathan discussing his work.
__________________________________________
Barnes and Noble
IndieBound
Books-A-Million
Rowan Blaize Official Website
Goodreads

When a delicate, pristine dewdrop graces the world …

"Oh, look up there on the big-screen TV, Thelma. It's that demure little pop-songstress, Nicki Minaj, on the cover of her new record."

“Oh, look up there on the big-screen TV, Thelma! It’s the pop-songstress, Nicki Minaj, on the cover of her new record.”

conclusion gossip

"You know, I think it's wonderful that a sense of mystery and understatement is making a comeback in the entertainment world, don't you?"

“You know, I think it’s wonderful that a sense of mystery and understatement is finally making a comeback in the entertainment world, don’t you?”

Uber Whore
__
Jonathan Kieran is slowly withdrawing from contemporary human society in protest against a myriad of offenses against taste and decency, but his epic new novel is slated for release in 2015. Stay tuned for more news about the book in coming months.

Jonathan is also the author of the classically appointed Rowan Blaize series of modern fairy-tales and novels. Visit Jonathan Kieran’s Official Facebook Page and give it a “Like,” if you are so inclined. Meanwhile …

Escape the Imminent Collapse of Civilization, if only for a few hours. A sweeping modern fairy-tale is born with the Rowan Blaize series of books. Click on the book covers to the right or have a look below …

Watch the Rowan Blaize Book Trailer HERE.

Book One = The magical cornerstone – a lavishly illustrated epic narrative poem … a genuine “spell” for the young and young-at-heart to treasure for a lifetime, telling the story of sorcerer Rowan Blaize’s battle to regain his magic powers. (Think Beowulf-meets-Dr.Seuss or an epic story-in-verse of a scope similar to Tolkien’s soon-to-be-released The Fall of Arthur, only contemporary.)

Book Two = The rip-roaring novel that continues the adventures of Rowan Blaize and introduces the three hilarious witches of the Ancient City, along with its dysfunctional werewolves, wraiths, ghosts, vampires, dryads, banshees and a beauty pageant brat that just might destroy the world.

Book Three = The next novel that finds Rowan trapped by a spell in another world, caught between a faery-squashing sorceress who’ll stop at nothing to conquer the kingdom … and a feisty teenage prince who’s determined to get it back.

Click here to purchase the Kindle e-books and watch a video of Jonathan discussing his work.
__________________________________________
Barnes and Noble
IndieBound
Books-A-Million
Rowan Blaize Official Website
Goodreads

Reality TV is the Butt-Thermometer: American Society is the Fevered Orifice…

"I thought American culture could not sink any lower, Barbra, and then I learn that MTV is about to produce a reality show centered upon young women competing to lose their virginity. So degrading! What's next in this sick society, I ask you--Cannibals Wars of LA County?"

“You know, I thought our culture could sink no lower, Barbra, and then I learned from those demure and highly intellectual ladies on The View that MTV is producing a reality show about young women competing to lose their virginity. Can you believe it? Well, it’s time for my family to get rid of the television set. I mean, what’s next in this sick society–Cannibal Cook-Offs of Calaveras County?”

conclusion gossip

"Come to think of it, Barbra, if a cannibal reality series featured that tubby schmuck from Diners, Drive-Ins & Dives roasting one or two Kardashians over a BBQ-pit, I'd bankroll the Emmy campaign myself."

“Come to think of it, Barbra, if a cannibal reality series featured that tubby schmuck from Diners, Drive-Ins & Dives roasting even one of the Kardashians over a BBQ-pit, I’d bankroll the Emmy campaign myself.”

conclusion gossip
___
Jonathan Kieran is slowly withdrawing from contemporary human society in protest against a myriad of offenses against taste and decency, but his epic new novel is slated for release in 2015. Stay tuned for more news about the book in coming months.

Jonathan is also the author of the classically appointed Rowan Blaize series of modern fairy-tales and novels. Visit Jonathan Kieran’s Official Facebook Page and give it a “Like,” if you are so inclined. Meanwhile …

Escape the Imminent Collapse of Civilization, if only for a few hours. A sweeping modern fairy-tale is born with the Rowan Blaize series of books. Click on the book covers to the right or have a look below …

Watch the Rowan Blaize Book Trailer HERE.

Book One = The magical cornerstone – a lavishly illustrated epic narrative poem … a genuine “spell” for the young and young-at-heart to treasure for a lifetime, telling the story of sorcerer Rowan Blaize’s battle to regain his magic powers. (Think Beowulf-meets-Dr.Seuss or an epic story-in-verse of a scope similar to Tolkien’s soon-to-be-released The Fall of Arthur, only contemporary.)

Book Two = The rip-roaring novel that continues the adventures of Rowan Blaize and introduces the three hilarious witches of the Ancient City, along with its dysfunctional werewolves, wraiths, ghosts, vampires, dryads, banshees and a beauty pageant brat that just might destroy the world.

Book Three = The next novel that finds Rowan trapped by a spell in another world, caught between a faery-squashing sorceress who’ll stop at nothing to conquer the kingdom … and a feisty teenage prince who’s determined to get it back.

Click here to purchase the Kindle e-books and watch a video of Jonathan discussing his work.
__________________________________________
Barnes and Noble
IndieBound
Books-A-Million
Rowan Blaize Official Website
Goodreads

Anne with an E-Ticket: Hollywood or Bust …

"Mister, I don't know how I ended-up in this godforsaken neck of the woods, but my ticket specifically said 'Hollywood, USA.' That's where I'm going to seek my fame and fortune. Got it? Bright lights. Beautiful people. The only damn gable I want to see in my lifetime is named 'Clark.' Now, kindly rectify the problem with my itinerary and you won't have to worry about the potentially septic complications of a severe orphan-bite on your scrawny left leg. How's that for a proposition, all silvery in the moonlight?"

“Mister, I don’t know how I ended-up in this godforsaken neck of the woods, but my ticket specifically said ‘Hollywood, USA.’ That’s where I’m going to seek my fame and fortune. Got it? Bright lights. Beautiful people. The only damn gable I want to see in my lifetime is named ‘Clark,’ capiche? Now, kindly rectify the problem with my itinerary and you won’t have to worry about the potentially septic complications of a severe orphan-bite on your scrawny left leg. How’s that for a proposition, all silvery in the friggin’ moonlight?”


__
An epic new novel by Jonathan Kieran is slated for release in 2015. Stay tuned for more news about the book in coming months.

Jonathan is also the author of the classically appointed Rowan Blaize series of modern fairy-tales and novels. Visit Jonathan Kieran’s Official Facebook Page and give it a “Like,” if you are so inclined. Meanwhile …

Escape the Imminent Collapse of Civilization, if only for a few hours. A sweeping modern fairy-tale is born with the Rowan Blaize series of books. Click on the book covers to the right or have a look below …

Watch the Rowan Blaize Book Trailer HERE.

Book One = The magical cornerstone – a lavishly illustrated epic narrative poem … a genuine “spell” for the young and young-at-heart to treasure for a lifetime, telling the story of sorcerer Rowan Blaize’s battle to regain his magic powers. (Think Beowulf-meets-Dr.Seuss or an epic story-in-verse of a scope similar to Tolkien’s soon-to-be-released The Fall of Arthur, only contemporary.)

Book Two = The rip-roaring novel that continues the adventures of Rowan Blaize and introduces the three hilarious witches of the Ancient City, along with its dysfunctional werewolves, wraiths, ghosts, vampires, dryads, banshees and a beauty pageant brat that just might destroy the world.

Book Three = The next novel that finds Rowan trapped by a spell in another world, caught between a faery-squashing sorceress who’ll stop at nothing to conquer the kingdom … and a feisty teenage prince who’s determined to get it back.

Click here to purchase the Kindle e-books and watch a video of Jonathan discussing his work.
__________________________________________
Barnes and Noble
IndieBound
Books-A-Million
Rowan Blaize Official Website
Goodreads

Privacy in the Age of Technology? #Fuggedaboudit

"I'm not kidding, Tina. The other night while I was changing into my nightgown, I looked outside and there was this big, horrible DRONE just staring into my bedroom window, taking pictures."

“I’m not kidding, Tina. The other night while I was changing my clothes, I looked outside and there was this big, horrible DRONE just staring into my bedroom window, taking pictures!”

conclusion gossip

"Of course, this is not the first time my Douglas has acted a bit weird since the vasectomy."

“Of course, this is not the first time my Douglas has acted a bit weird since the vasectomy.”

conclusion gossip
__
An epic new novel by Jonathan Kieran is slated for release in 2015. Stay tuned for more news about the book in coming months.

Jonathan is also the author of the classically appointed Rowan Blaize series of modern fairy-tales and novels. Visit Jonathan Kieran’s Official Facebook Page and give it a “Like,” if you are so inclined. Meanwhile …

Escape the Imminent Collapse of Civilization, if only for a few hours. A sweeping modern fairy-tale is born with the Rowan Blaize series of books. Click on the book covers to the right or have a look below …

Watch the Rowan Blaize Book Trailer HERE.

Book One = The magical cornerstone – a lavishly illustrated epic narrative poem … a genuine “spell” for the young and young-at-heart to treasure for a lifetime, telling the story of sorcerer Rowan Blaize’s battle to regain his magic powers. (Think Beowulf-meets-Dr.Seuss or an epic story-in-verse of a scope similar to Tolkien’s soon-to-be-released The Fall of Arthur, only contemporary.)

Book Two = The rip-roaring novel that continues the adventures of Rowan Blaize and introduces the three hilarious witches of the Ancient City, along with its dysfunctional werewolves, wraiths, ghosts, vampires, dryads, banshees and a beauty pageant brat that just might destroy the world.

Book Three = The next novel that finds Rowan trapped by a spell in another world, caught between a faery-squashing sorceress who’ll stop at nothing to conquer the kingdom … and a feisty teenage prince who’s determined to get it back.

Click here to purchase the Kindle e-books and watch a video of Jonathan discussing his work.
__________________________________________
Barnes and Noble
IndieBound
Books-A-Million
Rowan Blaize Official Website
Goodreads