But was there enough gore left-over to chum the Enchanted Lake?

"... then the handsome Prince married Cinderella, and, after the wedding, threw her step-sisters, Kim, Khloe, Kourtney, and Kendall, into a pool filled with starving sharks, where they screamed for mercy as they were devoured in great, gory mouthfuls ... even the parts made of plastic. THE END. Oh, Mother, you always know how to pick the most satisfying bedtime stories. I'll sleep like an angel after this one!"

“… then the handsome Prince married Cinderella, and, after the wedding, threw her stepmother, Kris, and her stepsisters, Kim, Khloe, Kourtney, and Kendall, into a pool filled with starving sharks, where they screamed for mercy as they were devoured by dagger-like teeth in great, dismembering mouthfuls. And the sharks gobbled them all UP … even the parts made of plastic. THE END. Oh, Mother, you always know how to pick the most satisfying bedtime stories. I just know I’ll sleep like an angel after this one!”


__
Jonathan Kieran is withdrawing from contemporary human society to protest a multitude of offenses against taste and decency, but that doesn’t mean you need to head for the hills. No! Let Mr. Kieran become your Vicarious Hermit, serving all of your needs for solitude and isolated contemplation by proxy, as it were. Otherwise, stick around: some form of epic and expectation-shattering work is slated for release in 2015. News about future books and Jonathan’s in-development multimedia production company will be forthcoming.

For your current reading pleasure, Jonathan is the author of the classically appointed Rowan Blaize books and novels. Visit Mr. Kieran’s Official Facebook Page and give it a “Like” if you are so inclined. Meanwhile . . .

Escape the Imminent Collapse of Civilization, if only for a few hours. A sweeping modern fairy-tale is born with the Rowan Blaize series of works. Click on the book covers to the right or have a look below to learn more.

Watch the Rowan Blaize Book Trailer HERE.

Book One = The magical cornerstone – a lavishly illustrated epic narrative poem … a genuine “spell” for the young and young-at-heart to treasure for a lifetime, telling the story of sorcerer Rowan Blaize’s battle to regain his magic powers. (Think Beowulf-meets-Dr.Seuss or an epic story-in-verse of a scope similar to Tolkien’s soon-to-be-released The Fall of Arthur, only contemporary.)

Book Two = The rip-roaring novel that continues the adventures of Rowan Blaize and introduces the three hilarious witches of the Ancient City, along with its dysfunctional werewolves, wraiths, ghosts, vampires, dryads, banshees and a beauty pageant brat that just might destroy the world.

Book Three = The next novel that finds Rowan trapped by a spell in another world, caught between a faery-squashing sorceress who’ll stop at nothing to conquer the kingdom … and a feisty teenage prince who’s determined to get it back.

Click here to purchase the Kindle e-books and watch a video of Jonathan discussing his work.
__________________________________________
Barnes and Noble
IndieBound
Books-A-Million
Rowan Blaize Official Website
Goodreads

Oh, Git’ Off the Bandwagon, Paula!

" ... then Cinderella became a princess and proceeded to revamp the outdated royal kitchens from top to bottom, employing only the finest workers from Nubia and insisting upon the use of sweet, creamy butter in every recipe! THE END."

” … then Cinderella became a princess and proceeded to revamp the outdated royal kitchens from top to bottom, employing only the finest workers from Nubia and insisting upon the use of sweet, creamy butter in every recipe! THE END.”

"Oh! Somebody stole my story. And right after I sold it to the Hallmark Channel, too!"

“Oh, Lord Jesus! Somebody stole my story. And right after I sold it to the Hallmark Channel, too!”

"But how's it gonna look if I try to sue Mother Goose? I can't take another PR disaster, y'all. Not so close to Christmas!  There's gotta be some other way to get folks back in my corner again."

“But how’s it gonna look if I try to sue Mother Goose? Damn that old woman! I can’t take another PR disaster, y’all. Not so close to Christmas! There’s gotta be some other way to get folks back in my corner again.”

"Would you believe it if I told you I gave myself two Benadryl at a cocktail party back in 1968 and woke up naked three days later next to a half-eaten Smithfield ham and a strange pair of men's underwear?"

“Uh … Would you believe it if I told you I gave myself two Benadryl at a cocktail party back in 1968 and woke up naked three days later next to a half-eaten Smithfield ham and a strange pair of men’s underwear?”

"I knew somethin' had gone horribly wrong because I was covered in mashed potatoes, y'all, but it wasn't butter on top of them 'taters. It was MARGARINE!"

“I knew somethin’ had gone horribly wrong because I was covered in mashed potatoes, y’all, but it wasn’t butter on top of them ‘taters. It was MARGARINE!”

"Not a day goes by that I don't live with the horror. [sniff` sniff`]"

“Not a day goes by that I don’t live with the horror. [sniff` sniff`]”


__
Jonathan Kieran is withdrawing from contemporary human society to protest a multitude of offenses against taste and decency, but that doesn’t mean you need to head for the hills. No! Let Mr. Kieran become your Vicarious Hermit, serving all of your needs for solitude and isolated contemplation by proxy, as it were. Otherwise, stick around: some form of epic and expectation-shattering work is slated for release in 2015. News about future books and Jonathan’s in-development multimedia production company will be forthcoming.

For your current reading pleasure, Jonathan is the author of the classically appointed Rowan Blaize books and novels. Visit Mr. Kieran’s Official Facebook Page and give it a “Like” if you are so inclined. Meanwhile . . .

Escape the Imminent Collapse of Civilization, if only for a few hours. A sweeping modern fairy-tale is born with the Rowan Blaize series of works. Click on the book covers to the right or have a look below to learn more.

Watch the Rowan Blaize Book Trailer HERE.

Book One = The magical cornerstone – a lavishly illustrated epic narrative poem … a genuine “spell” for the young and young-at-heart to treasure for a lifetime, telling the story of sorcerer Rowan Blaize’s battle to regain his magic powers. (Think Beowulf-meets-Dr.Seuss or an epic story-in-verse of a scope similar to Tolkien’s soon-to-be-released The Fall of Arthur, only contemporary.)

Book Two = The rip-roaring novel that continues the adventures of Rowan Blaize and introduces the three hilarious witches of the Ancient City, along with its dysfunctional werewolves, wraiths, ghosts, vampires, dryads, banshees and a beauty pageant brat that just might destroy the world.

Book Three = The next novel that finds Rowan trapped by a spell in another world, caught between a faery-squashing sorceress who’ll stop at nothing to conquer the kingdom … and a feisty teenage prince who’s determined to get it back.

Click here to purchase the Kindle e-books and watch a video of Jonathan discussing his work.
__________________________________________
Barnes and Noble
IndieBound
Books-A-Million
Rowan Blaize Official Website
Goodreads

Learn it All at Mother’s Knee … #FairyTaleEndings

"... and then Sleeping Beauty woke-up from the spell, married the handsome Prince, and needed only ten years to thoroughly emasculate the handsome Prince until he was ready to split their assets 70/40 in her favor. THE END."

“… so Sleeping Beauty woke-up from the spell, and, a bit grumpy from her one hundred-year nap, was surprised to learn she needed only ten years of incessant nagging to thoroughly emasculate the handsome Prince until he was ready to split their assets 70/30 in her favor and move out of the castle. THE END.’ Oh, Mommy, I love fairy tales that have happy endings. Let’s read another!”


__
Jonathan Kieran is withdrawing from contemporary human society to protest a multitude of offenses against taste and decency, but that doesn’t mean you need to head for the hills. No! Let Mr. Kieran become your Vicarious Hermit, serving all of your needs for solitude and isolated contemplation by proxy, as it were. Otherwise, stick around: some form of epic and expectation-shattering work is slated for release in 2015. News about future books and Jonathan’s in-development multimedia production company will be forthcoming.

For your current reading pleasure, Jonathan is the author of the classically appointed Rowan Blaize books and novels. Visit Mr. Kieran’s Official Facebook Page and give it a “Like” if you are so inclined. Meanwhile . . .

Escape the Imminent Collapse of Civilization, if only for a few hours. A sweeping modern fairy-tale is born with the Rowan Blaize series of works. Click on the book covers to the right or have a look below to learn more.

Watch the Rowan Blaize Book Trailer HERE.

Book One = The magical cornerstone – a lavishly illustrated epic narrative poem … a genuine “spell” for the young and young-at-heart to treasure for a lifetime, telling the story of sorcerer Rowan Blaize’s battle to regain his magic powers. (Think Beowulf-meets-Dr.Seuss or an epic story-in-verse of a scope similar to Tolkien’s soon-to-be-released The Fall of Arthur, only contemporary.)

Book Two = The rip-roaring novel that continues the adventures of Rowan Blaize and introduces the three hilarious witches of the Ancient City, along with its dysfunctional werewolves, wraiths, ghosts, vampires, dryads, banshees and a beauty pageant brat that just might destroy the world.

Book Three = The next novel that finds Rowan trapped by a spell in another world, caught between a faery-squashing sorceress who’ll stop at nothing to conquer the kingdom … and a feisty teenage prince who’s determined to get it back.

Click here to purchase the Kindle e-books and watch a video of Jonathan discussing his work.
__________________________________________
Barnes and Noble
IndieBound
Books-A-Million
Rowan Blaize Official Website
Goodreads