Supposedly a new dogmatic definition is forthcoming from the boys in red ballgowns for the purposes of the inclusivity of mysteriously vanished female aviatrixes according to proper theological diversity and assorted What-Not. ALLEGEDLY the papal pronouncement will read as follows:

We proclaim and define it to be a dogma revealed by God that Amelia Earhart, when the course of her earthly life was finished, was taken up body and soul into the glory of heaven and not consumed by ginormous coconut crabs.

Sounds momentous and all sacred-like. Stay tuned for more news about this potentially historic religious watershed.

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