HAZMAT-RETRO HALL OF FAME (LOVABLY BAD FOOD FROM CHILDHOOD) by JONATHAN KIERAN A rather arrogant goddess wants to skin the face off the most adorable warlock you could ever imagine. YOU can save him for only $0.99. Click HERE. TODAY’S DUBIOUS HONOREE: SKITTLES RUDIMENTARY ANALYSIS: Taste the rainbow of flavors? I think not. More like: “Taste the upcoming abject collapse of your entire culture … Read More POP HAZMAT RETRO HOF: LOVABLY BAD FOOD FROM CHILDHOOD (Skittles)
HAZMAT-RETRO HALL OF LAME (LOVABLY BAD FOOD FROM CHILDHOOD ) posted by JONATHAN KIERAN TODAY’S DUBIOUS HONOREE: Charleston Chew Candy Bars (Vanilla, Chocolate, Strawberry and, sometimes, Banana) RUDIMENTARY ANALYSIS: Billed as “rich nougat covered in creamy chocolate” by its purveyors back in the day. We, however, would hazard a description more along the lines of: “Incisor-wrenching gum-hemorrhaging molar-murdering epoxy suitable for bricklaying and covered … Read More HAZMAT-RETRO HOF (LOVABLY BAD FOOD FROM CHILDHOOD) Charleston Chew Candy Mouth-Doom
HAZMAT-RETRO HALL OF LAME (LOVABLY BAD FOOD FROM CHILDHOOD ) TODAY’S DUBIOUS HONOREE: VIENNA SAUSAGES RUDIMENTARY ANALYSIS: In America, these dainties consist of the unspeakable parts of beef, pork and chicken combined with wiggly rat tails (for color), all thrown in a Secret Hadron Atom-Smasher located 5 miles beneath the earth near Vienna, Austria and transformed into pudgy little cylinders of Molded Maybe-Meat. DEFINITIVE … Read More HAZMAT-RETRO HALL of LAME: Vienna Sausages …Good Enough for Lohan, Good Enough for You
HAZMAT-RETRO HALL OF LAME (LOVABLY BAD MUSIC) TODAY’S DUBIOUS HONOREE: “You Spin Me (Like A Record)” by Dead or Alive (1985) GUILTY OF VEHICULAR FANSLAUGHTER: Lead singer Pete Burns for imitating Boy George imitating a rabid chicken imitating a goat being skewered alive up the wazoo with a rotisserie-spit. RUDIMENTARY ANALYSIS: One of the most egregiously nauseating sonic pop-disturbances ever to assault human eardrums … Read More HAZMAT-RETRO HALL OF LAME (LOVABLY BAD MUSIC): WORK that Monkey-Coat Right ‘Round!
HAZMAT HEADLINE DU JOUR: Humane Group Probing Death of Shark in Kmart Commercial Shoot CULTURAL TOXICITY QUOTIENT: 9. 5 (Near-Catastrophic. Target would have handled this with so much more dignity.] RUDIMENTARY ANALYSIS: Despite frenzied attempts at revivification via oxygen and shots of adrenaline, a 5-ft. white-tipped shark died of likely humiliation after spending an undetermined amount of time in a “small above-ground pool” in … Read More Pop HazMat Alert: PETA Weeps Over Abused Pool-Shark from Van Nuys … Kmart Circles Wagons
HAZMAT HEADLINE DU JOUR: Greyhound Bus Forced to Pull Over After Cockroaches Complain About Infestation of Humans* CULTURAL TOXICITY QUOTIENT: 7.5 [Considerable. The cockroaches were not at all pleased with the quality of Greyhound’s human clientele and were worried about the spread of potential diseases, to say nothing of rather questionable moral standards.] RUDIMENTARY ANALYSIS: A Greyhound bus en route from Atlantic City to … Read More Pop HazMat Alert: Don’t Make the Roach Ride in Coach!