POP HAZMAT HOF: LOVABLY BAD FOOD FROM CHILDHOOD (Necco Wafers, AKA Lucifer’s Eucharist)
NOTE TO GOODREADS COMMUNITY: HANG TIGHT — WE’RE GOING TO BE DOING SOME WONDERFUL GIVEAWAYS VERY SOON AND TRULY APPRECIATE YOUR INTEREST AND SUPPORT ~Jonathan K.
HAZMAT-RETRO HALL OF FAME (LOVABLY BAD FOOD FROM CHILDHOOD) posted by JONATHAN KIERAN
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TODAY’S DUBIOUS HONOREE: Necco Wafers (Or, as We Called Them: LUCIFER’S EUCHARIST)
RUDIMENTARY ANALYSIS: It is difficult to glance backward through the Completely Untrustworthy Filter-Eyes of Magical Childhood and bash a candy, any kind of candy, but Necco wafers may indeed be the “treats” that merit such treatment. Trust a Former Child: redeeming qualities can be found in practically any confection. Charleston Chews. Skittles. Pop Rocks. Even a dried-up old maple leaf-crawling-with-mites-but-nevertheless-dipped-in-chocolate might garner unending approval from a gallery of discriminating kids, but don’t ask me what in the name of the Sugar Plum Fairy those Necco things were good for. Tasteless Tidbits of Chalky Child-Choking Cheerlessness. Worthless Wafers Wrought from the Witchy Wasteland Worshippers of … well, Satan. I guess I feel so strongly about their uselessness due to the fact that I nearly died from eating nine or ten of them at once after a particularly ravenous Halloween candy-bag rummage in 1982. Children. What were we good for?
BRUSH WITH GREATNESS: These Tiny Tablets of Tongue Tribulation apparently date back to the Civil War, emanating from New England. No wonder the Yankees won. They were nourished by Lucifer’s Eucharist. The South didn’t stand a chance.
WHERE ARE THEY NOW?: Still rotting toddler-brains but with a whole new all-natural line of Horror Ingredients.
EXPERIENCE THE MAGIC: Don’t take my word for it. I’m not the only complete freak who has Necco Wafer Issues. Behold. Yeah. Like this dude really knows how to use his mid-palette to properly review Devil Candies. Amateur.
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One witty 2,800 year-old warlock. A suspicious storm that hurls him to earth near London. A goddess who wants to destroy the world. The catch? She needs Rowan’s face. REMOVED.
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