Jonathan Kieran

And just misses what would have likely been one helluva stomachache. After all, the nutritional return on gobbling a human head must be rather scant, for a saltwater crocodile. If swallowed whole, the snapped-off noggin’ is going to take ages to digest in the croc’s belly—it’s not like sucking on a tootsie pop and getting fairly quickly to the rich, chocolatey center. That thick human skull is going to hold on to its delicious, nougaty brain matter for some time, even with the aid of potent reptilian digestive juices working like mad to break things down. And just imagine the poor croc’s plumbing finally deciding to give up and pass a human skull out the backside. Unless that saltie is swimming in a swamp composed entirely of Metamucil, with prunes dropping regularly from sun-baked plum trees overhead, you’re going to have one extra-grumpy, backed-up modern dinosaur on your hands—and he’ll be looking aggressively for even MORE big-ticket meals in an effort to push that man-coconut out! It all makes for a bad recipe. Ah, well, at least the snorkeler survived. What they don’t tell you in the article, however, is that his friends have already started calling him “Shish-ka-BOB.”

Friends. You gotta love ‘em.

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