Jonathan Kieran

An 11-12 ft great white glides around a SoCal paddle-boarder.

Yeah. My balls would possibly try to reassign themselves to a long-forgotten domain between my hip bones, but mine are way too big to go back where they came from, SO I would keep an eye on the shark and keep the paddle firmly in hand.

If an 11-ft. great white REALLY wanted a piece of me, would I be able to survive with just a paddle?

Sure. Some guys have survived attacks from much bigger sharks with nothing comforting and stiff in their hands!

But between you and me … if a young-adult, energetic eleven-foot great white shark decided it wanted me for lunch while I was paddle-boarding, you might find a kneecap or a head with no eyeballs (the gulls have first dibs on those once Sharky sets the buffet.)

Be careful guys and gals. Even though the waters off California are safer than the streets, you can be butchered in the frothy, rolling blue and nary a soul shall find Ye again.

[Look for Jonathan Kieran’s fabulous new—as yet untitled—book of hundreds of witty, cynical, zeitgeist-rocking, and knee-slappingly clever cartoons of Pure Smartassery in 2024! Stay tuned for developing news and previews.]

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