Jonathan Kieran

Great White Sharks or not (and there ARE plenty of those gliding beneath the chop), swimming in most parts of the Monterey Bay—NAY, the entire Pacific Ocean north of Venice Beach!—is not an endeavor for the casual splish-splasher.

I say this as a 25-year Monterey Bayer.

We have rogue waves, riptides, undertows, hypothermia-inducing waters, a cove called “Mortuary Beach,” GREAT WHITE SHARKS OF THE RED TRIANGULAR VARIETY, treacherous currents, jagged rocks galore, stinging rays, aggressive spleen-eating otters, and KILLER MERMAIDS.

Yes, Killer Mermaids. They are even more dangerous than the sharks, because they transform themselves into voluptuous beauties, leave the chilly waters, and hang out at various popular restaurant bars and tourist spots, enticing innocent drunks to take up paddle-boarding or enjoy a diving lesson and, once the victim is in the water, these luscious beauties magically return to their true forms as She-Demons with fins and—POW!—instant beheading with brains sucked out through bamboo straws and eyeballs taken home to their offspring as bedtime snacks.

The rest is left for the gulls to attack and shred. No one will ever hear from you again. Desperate GoFundMe campaigns will be launched to enrich your greedy relations.

Monterey Bay: look … don’t touch. Doubt me? Just try it and FIND OUT once your eyes are being nibbled down in the shadowy depths by mer-spawn. Oh yeah.

[Look for Jonathan Kieran’s fabulous new—as yet untitled—book of hundreds of witty, cynical, zeitgeist-rocking, and knee-slappingly clever cartoons of Pure Smartassery in 2024! Stay tuned for developing news and previews.]

——————

#AuthorJonathanKieran #JonathanKieran #WriterJonathanKieran #CaliforniaLife #OnTheEdge #Wistwood #JonathanKieranTheAuthor #JonathanKieranMusic #JonathanKieranNewAlbum #JonathanKieranArtist #Jericho #JonathanKieranJericho #JerichoAlbum #WritersOfInstagram