Jonathan Kieran

Take a look at this article from Catholic News Agency and weep for the moribund intelligence of humanity. The Catholic Church seriously investigates the possibly miraculous nature of communion wafers that start to “bleed” when dropped in glasses of water or just for kicks during Mass.

Please! I get more of a show when I pop an Alka-Seltzer into a cup. I get three times the drama if I drop a couple of Airborne and mesmerize myself with the bubbles.

What an embarrassment for Roman Catholics—that their theological authorities would not only seriously consider such ludicrous things to be POSSIBLE MANIFESTATIONS OF EFFECTIVE DIVINE POWER, but also that such stories would gain traction on Catholic news outlets.

Think of the implications!

We are supposed to believe that, with all the children starving and suffering in the world—children who could benefit from some form of direct, divine and MIRACULOUS intervention to relieve their doom—even the anguish of one individual—by virtue of some small expenditure of divine hoodoo, the Deity INSTEAD decides to focus Its (obviously questionable) supernatural mojo to play asinine, third-rate parlor tricks involving “bloody” Eucharist wafers. What is a Eucharistic wafer doing submerged in a glass of water, anyhow? Is that liturgically sound procedure?

GOD: “Hmm. What shall I do today? Lemme see. Well, there’s a child in Africa on the brink of starvation and about to be consumed by waiting vultures. I could dispatch some of my Super-Duper Omnipotence to fill the poor little kid’s belly and give him the strength to live. That wouldn’t be too difficult to do.”

ATTENDING SERAPHIM: “But God, THAT might prove too vulgar a display of your talents!”

GOD: “Right. Forget the African kid. I’ll make a communion wafer bleed in Peoria, Illinois. That’ll show ‘em I’ve still got it!”

If the risen, cosmic Christ is still physically “bleeding” or oozing bodily fluids somewhere, then why doesn’t that wafer grow hair, or ears, or a nice set of teeth, too? If God is concentrating REAL HARD to do a miracle, to show-off some POWER, then, as long as he’s at it, why doesn’t that Eucharistic wafer grow a pair of legs and do a fancy little cakewalk across the altar during Sunday Mass? Perform a few somersaults.

🎶 “Hello my baby, hello my honey, hello my ragtime gal! Send me a kiss by wire. Baby, my heart’s on fire!”🎶

THAT would get some serious attention in the pews. Fainting old ladies by the dozens. Hey, maybe the bloody miracle wafer will develop a set of lips and a tongue and go on the talk-show circuit! Sit down for an interview with Kelli and her Auxiliary Husband-Host. Explain the priestly abuse scandals and put the blame where it belongs: on everyone but the clergy 🙄. Clear the air on some pesky issues. Sing a few bars of the Ave Maria. Why not? Seeing as God is expending ALL that valuable miraculous energy.

Yes, let’s have a REAL demonstration. Why stop at mere blood? Go for the whole hog, Lord!

Don’t people see what a mockery they make of faith, religion, God, and human reason by giving credence to this sort of chicanery? The Catholic Church. No wonder the atheists snicker. I do not blame them.

[Jonathan is busy writing and illustrating and finishing a whole slew of projects in preparation for upcoming major releases. Don’t expect a helluva lot of bloggin’ to get done unless something really strikes his fancy. Be patient. Marvelous things are on the way.]

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