Jonathan Kieran

I won’t even pretend that TMZ Sports is a worthy journalistic source, much less expound upon the fact that “journalism” now appears to be an endeavor undertaken by imbeciles with pacifiers in their mouths, half-baked opinions in their soft-scrambled brains, and thumbs up their asses, BUT … if YOU were going to tell a friend that a professional athlete went to a zoo, was bitten by a poisonous spider, and was subsequently hospitalized, would you not:

1. Explain how the athlete managed to come into contact with this poisonous arachnid at a public zoo?
2. Identify the species of said arachnid?
3. Include a description of the onset of symptoms or distress leading up to the hospitalization?

Yes, you darned well would feature all of those tidbits because those are the basic things that form the most meager infrastructure of a typical story, even at the “tell me over the backyard fence” level. If someone demanded that you compose a formal account of the tale for public consumption, after which you would receive remuneration for your efforts, you would hopefully present a truthful, coherent, and linear play-by-play of the facts.

Today’s “journalists” are in many cases, however, satisfied to let a headline serve as a story:

Athlete Hospitalized After Deadly Spider-Bite at Zoo!

And that’s IT, baby!

Well, unless the same journalist or managing news association is using a headline to be coquettish, like a tedious strumpet, and compel you to “click through”:

Deadly Thing in Unlikely Place Sends Athlete to Unexpected Location!

Yeah. Either way, journalism is long dead and today’s journalists should pass an equivalency exam or face lobotomization-by-can-opener without anesthesia. But that’s just a healthy suggestion. You know. For efficiency.

[Jonathan is busy writing and illustrating and finishing a whole slew of projects in preparation for upcoming major releases. Don’t expect a helluva lot of bloggin’ to get done unless something really strikes his fancy. Be patient. Marvelous things are on the way.]

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