Jonathan Kieran

AUTHOR, ILLUSTRATOR, EXISTENTIAL, INTERROGATOR

Jonathan Kieran

NURSE PEGGY is NOT Impressed By Fancy British Accents!

“Last week, one of my patients said to me, ‘Nurse Peggy, if only I had conducted my life in a respectable and dignified manner, like those classy British people on that Downton Abbey program, I might not be on this waiting list, desperate for a new liver!’”

"I took one look at him and I said, 'Honey, if you think those snaggletoothed people across the sea are all about tea, crumpets, and fancy accents that can make someone like Madonna believe she's a well-bred noblewoman, you need to look at these.' Then I showed him some photos of typical British folk taken by the Daily Mail over the holidays."
 “I took one look at him and I said, ‘Honey, if you think those snaggletoothed people across the sea are all about tea, crumpets, and fancy accents that’ll make someone like Madonna believe she’s a well-bred noblewoman, then you need to look at these.’ Then I showed him some photos of typical British folk taken by the Daily Mail over the holidays.”
Bangers & Mash!
 Bangers & Mash!
Toad-in-the-Hole!
 Toad-in-the-Hole!
Cheerios, [on the pavement] old chap!
 Cheerios, [on the pavement] old chap!
"So, whenever Maggie Dench or Judi Smith or whoever the hell they are turn-on that sparkling British charm and make you American slobs feel all coarse & inferior this holiday season, just take a look at the Daily Mail and thank Paul Revere's lathered horse that you are not this very minute passed-out on Carnaby Street in a disgraceful puddle of your own vomit and existential regret. Happy Holidays, everyone! From my ward to yours. Drink responsibly. And stay away from the British."
 “So, whenever Maggie Dench or Judi Smith or whomever the hell they are turn-on that British charm and make you American slobs feel all coarse & inferior this holiday season, just take a look at the Daily Mail and thank Paul Revere’s lathered horse that you are not this very minute passed-out on Carnaby Street in a disgraceful puddle of your own vomit and existential regret. Happy Holidays, everyone! From my ward to yours. Drink responsibly. And stay away from the British.”

* * *

"I would like to assert with AWL possible expedience and assorted what-not, that I, as an Englishwoman with significant ties to the 48th Earl of FrothenWhistle and membership in the most Honorable House of Lord SturdyThatches, that the above photo-GRAWWPHS do not represent the rank of file of British society as I have come to know and shamelessly assimilate it. Now, if you'll excuse us, we'll be taking tea with the Queen. Come, darling. We musn't keep Elton waiting."

“AHEM! I would like to assert with AWL possible expedience and assorted what-not, that I, as an Englishwoman with significant ties to the 48th Earl of FrothenWhistle, and membership in the most Honorable House of Lord SturdyThatches, believe the above photo-GRAWWPHS do not represent the rank-and-file of British society as I have come to know and shamelessly assimilate it! Now, if you’ll excuse us, we’ll be taking tea with the Queen. Come, darling. We musn’t keep Elton waiting. Tallyme! Er … tallyho!”

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[Jonathan is busy writing and illustrating and finishing a whole slew of projects in preparation for upcoming major releases. Don’t expect a helluva lot of bloggin’ to get done unless something really strikes his fancy. Be patient. Marvelous things are on the way.]

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