Jonathan Kieran

This is an interesting development in your hunger for must-have Daily Giant Squid Updates. What would a human life in the modern world be without such newsflashes? Lonely and bleak, most certainly.

Truthfully, the Giant Squid never registered too highly on my Animal Fascination Radar, except for stories remembered from picture books as a child depicting sperm whales wrangling with immense squid-monsters of the Deep. As I recall, these squid were almost always portrayed as being nearly as long as the sperm whales themselves, and the accounts gave an impression that such wriggly beasties could actually contend and defeat large predators like the sperm whale.

Naturally, old tales of the tentacled Kraken monsters encountered by mariners and rubber wonders like Captain Nemo’s monster nemesis in 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea continued to convey the idea that Giant Squid not only existed but that they were bad-ass enough to tackle make-believe super-submarines.

That brief bloom was off the rose once researchers with top-notch technology and media encouragement started capturing actual footage of the Giant Squid and Japanese trawlers managed to haul a few of the things up in their nets once in awhile. Meh. They’re big enough, with central bodies around 8-10 ft. long and tentacles with spiked suckers that can extend thirty feet, but even at their largest, Giant Squid are no more than a quick calamari appetizer for the massive sperm whales that dive deep to snack upon them.

Don’t get me wrong: I wouldn’t want to be alone in the sea with a hungry one billowing about, but these are creatures that proved to be less impressive than their widespread mythology purported … at least in my estimation. Their reputations exceeded them, but tell that to some poor, ensnared tuna, struggling in vain against a tentacular nightmare and about to be pierced by squid-beak.

Nevertheless, I wouldn’t mind a neighborhood block party featuring calamari steaks and tentacles for all utilizing one of these marvels—chopped up, tenderized, and coated in a light tempura batter, thank you very much.

With dipping sauces of tartar AND chipotle spice, please. That’s the way the whales like ‘em, too.

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[A scintillating new shocker-of-a-novel by Jonathan Kieran is slated for major release in Spring 2024 so clear your calendars, book lovers. This one is built for speed. Stay tuned for more … ]

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