Jonathan Kieran

Seriously, THIS FOOTAGE captured by an Italian diver in Australia is almost beyond belief. The poor guy had just been attacked by a Great White Shark that managed to eat half of his leg, he was in the process of what We Who Have Surfed call “bleeding out,” and amid the panic and chaos he decided to film the entire process of exsanguination on his smart phone.

The entire scene is not for the squeamish, I guess, but we are left asking ourselves if Fellini would have had the presence of mind to film his dying moments while being mauled by wild boars on the outskirts of Rome or some such thing. I don’t think he would have done that, so three cheers for this auteur-in-the-making.

Not incidentally, the Italian fellow nearly died in the attack—luckily the incident occurred close to shore and a bystander was nearby to assist—and he is still in danger, supposedly, of losing his entire leg, which often happens due to severe nerve damage or the possibility of sepsis in cases like this. I can only be amazed at his decision to film the horror of Bloody Death head-on and I hope like hell that the “team” keeps the cameras rolling when one of those enormous Tiger Sharks that Ocean Ramsey claims to mesmerize with her Magic Underwater Pussy (for the purposes of “conservation”Instagram likes) bites her showboating ass in half.

Get well and get strong, Signore! You are, thankfully, ALIVE and the words, “What I’ve really always wanted to do is direct!” may be coming true for you in the near future. A stunning occurrence, without parallel, at least to my knowledge. This world never ceases to amaze. Astound. Disabuse? Befuddle? Bewilder? Disorient?

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[A scintillating new shocker-of-a-novel by Jonathan Kieran is slated for major release in Spring 2024 so clear your calendars, book lovers. This one is built for speed. Stay tuned for more … ]

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