Jonathan Kieran

Maybe it was time for a redo—the original, 10-hour classic adaptation of James Clavell’s magnum opus saga has never been readily available via contemporary forms of distribution for viewers (videocassette, DVD, DVR, streaming) due to its length, one supposes.

But there is no way in hell that any half-baked filmmaker or scriptwriter of today’s culture, steeped as ever in Mediocrity-As-Status-Quo, will come near the astounding work of Toshiro Mifune, Richard Chamberlain, Johnathan Rhys-Davies (Gimli!), and Yoko Shimada, to say nothing of Orson Welles as narrator. This is going to suck ben-wa balls.

But I’ll give it a chance. Maybe some artful grace slipped into the mix unseen by virtue of miraculous intervention.

(Pffft, I wouldn’t trust the Age of Numbskulls to adequately reinterpret The Thorn Birds.)

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[ Delightful new work by Jonathan Kieran is slated for major release in the near future so brace yourselves and think of England. This stuff is built for speed. Stay tuned for more … ]

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