Jonathan Kieran

Possibly pregnant female Great White Shark washed up in semi-swanky Navarre Beach along Florida’s “Redneck Riviera” (Gulf side) and is DEAD. Clearly a midsize girl on the cusp of becoming a Big Mama. Another five-six years and she would have hit her sixteen foot prime. No signs of foul play are evident from the photos—her jaws were not bloodied by the hook of a poacher, for example. Healthy looking fish.

My guess: she got stuck on the wrong side of a sandbar while chasing a dolphin or ray or some other form of prey in the shallows and “drowned,” unable to regain the deep water. I’ve been to that beach a few times; it’s rife with shoals and streaky tidal movements. It’s not known for pinniped activity at all. The shark sheriff from Gainesville will likely drive out to cut her open and discover what was ailing the young lass. They might even find a drunken local from one of the beachside pubs in her belly. The discordant splashing of a blotto alkie, out for an evening swim, could have lured her in. That would be sad: nothing should risk its life for trashy food.

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