Jonathan Kieran

Isn’t that a comforting thought while trapped in this mortal coil.

Canada and other nihilistic nations are missing the boat by legalizing voluntary euthanasia for those suffering every ill from cancer to mere ennui.

These governments are overlooking a major opportunity to grow their bureaucracies from mere Gargantuan Super Duper Complexity to Outrageous Galaxy-Sized Mondo Colossal Status.

Why?

Because letting people “off” themselves legally is finite in its potential for making and milking funds. Think about it. Your garden variety cash cow opts for the “Goodbye, Cruel World” medical intervention and is suddenly dead due to anguish over a hangnail that won’t go away. That’s it, baby. That’s the end of the chuckwagon. Crematoriums and urn-makers might make a buck, sure, but Consumer Potential is being strangled.

People just don’t think when it comes to the healthy economy to be obtained by allowing people to dispense with thinking altogether.

Rather, the powers-that-be should display greater vision by nixing the Dr. Kevorkian Basic Healthcare Ghoul-Plan and replacing it with a Voluntary Full-Frontal Transorbital Lobotomy Option.

I guarantee that millions would flock to such an alternative, especially given that most humans can already relate to that sweet, sweet lobotomized “state of being” already. You know it’s true. Enormous offices and committees and prolonged care companies can be created for the ongoing nurture of these vegetative millions, providing more jobs but—even better—more overseers to hold crucial board meetings and decide upon weighty matters like securing their lifelong bureaucrat pensions and golden umbrella packages. Conglomeration would go sky-high!

The three-martini business lunch might even make a comeback.

It’s a win-win. Humanity is ready for this solution. You just have to believe or, in the case of the lobotomized … breathe, masticate peas, and poop.

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