Jonathan Kieran

When I first saw the headline in the news aggregate, I hadn’t had my first cup of coffee and thought the news referred to a Great White Shark that had bitten the head off a stranded pygmy—you know, the little people who dwell in the jungles of Cameroon and the Congo and so forth?

Obviously, when scanning the article frantically, still crosseyed from emerging from the bedroom and a deep sleep, I wondered what on earth a pygmy baby was doing in New Zealand in order for its noggin’ to be chomped off by a Great White: had the pygmy baby traveled to Kiwi-land on a vacation with its parents, all eager to escape the Congolese heat for a bit of South Seas grandeur? How had they gotten to New Zealand in the first place? I didn’t know that Pygmies could get passports. It cost me over $250 to renew my passport recently. Could pygmies shell out that kind of dough to go gallivanting in New Zealand? Hell, I’ve been around the world but haven’t yet made it to New Zealand. What’s a pygmy baby doing there and why was it swimming in the ocean around a 16-foot Great White? Who let that pygmy child play around in the treacherous currents in the first place?

Well, once the first few synapses started firing and the last remnants of sleep had been rubbed out of my eyes, I realized I had misread the whole thing and that a large Great White Shark had bitten the entire head off a stranded pygmy WHALE … not a pygmy pygmy. And not a pygmy whale baby. The pygmy whale baby remained on the shore while its mother was gobbled by the shark.

Thank heaven for that. I worry about those little folk wherever they might be lurking around the world.

Anyhow, the whole thing proved to be a bloody scene, indeed, with the details coming from Live Science. This is my weekly Great White Shark Obsession Report, so read all about it.

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