Jonathan Kieran

“Back in my day, we had to forage for rancid eyeballs the hard way—midnight graveyards, a shovel, and slimy old pickle jars without lids. Our youth have things way too easy, now. Just imagine! Buying their eyeballs and spleen-pudding cups at the damned grocery store. For shame. They can even get microwavable toddler kidneys! Can you wrap your head around that? I tried a package of those, once, and they tasted like dried-out wool. Not a single juicy squirt of enzymes to be savored. That was enough for me. Let the kids turn their snouts up at tradition, if they’re so smart. I source my own stuff the old fashioned way and I do it locally. That’s right, buddy. It’s grave-to-table cuisine for me! I even cure my own bile sausage, just like Mama used to do back in the 18th Century. And folks say that my Effluvia Soufflé is the best they ever tasted. Let’s see the whippersnappers of this era compete with my family recipes. Now pass the dandruff-shaker, would you? This Booger Ragout needs a little more zip.”

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[ THE WEDNESDAY BOX, a dark fable for all ages by Jonathan Kieran is slated for international release May 27, 2025. ] 

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