”My best friend, Sheila, invited me to her house for coffee yesterday and I didn’t have bupkis to do, so I went. Why not? Sheila keeps miniature goats in her back yard. Thinks they’re real cute. I don’t know what possessed her to start collecting a herd of goats, but that’s Sheila—she’s always had a screw loose if I’m telling the truth, but anyway, during coffee, Sheila asks me if I want to go out and look at the goats.
”Pearl, you wanna go look at my goats?” says Sheila.
”I’m wearing the new sweater from Nordstrom’s,” says I. “What makes you think I wanna be around a bunch of goats?”
”Fine then,” says Sheila, “drink your coffee and don’t come look at my cute little goats.”
”I won’t. I’m good with coffee,” I said. “Besides, what do I need from cute? If I wanna see something cute I’ll take the phone out of my purse and peruse pictures of bubbeleh. Goats. You go see your goats, Sheila. Nevermind I’m your guest.”
”Well, I don’t mean to be rude, Pearl, but it’s their feeding time. Won’t take me a minute. I have to grab a Tupperware tub of ornamental radishes leftover from Joel’s bar mitzvah outta the fridge. I think they’re about to turn. They’ll make a nice treat for the goats.”
”Sheila!” I said, practically jumping out of my skin. “Are you crazy? You can boil those with some carrots and cabbage and make a good vegetable stock. Don’t go throwing radishes that haven’t turned in front of a bunch of goats. They’re unclean animals! It’s a waste!”
Sheila just waved me off and took the radishes out to those hairy things. A whole gallon Tupperware-tub full. Imagine, leaving me at the table to fling radishes in front of ruminants. Who the hell has goats in Riverside, anyhow? Sheila, that’s who.
I don’t think I’ll come to Sheila’s for coffee anymore. She’s been working my last nerve for a while, now, if I’m telling the truth.
——
[ THE WEDNESDAY BOX, a dark fable for all ages by Jonathan Kieran is slated for international release January 20, 2026]
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Jonathan Kieran 
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