Jonathan Kieran

What in the name of all that is sacred and seemly could the “musicians” on this album cover POSSIBLY have been trying to convey?

Let us begin with the chilling circle of demonic possessiveness formed by the five creeptastic band members as they surround a young girl who is clearly uncertain of the fate that awaits her.

Why has she come to this dreadful wasteland to be placed upon a swing-set that looks like a medieval torture device? Who brought her to this grim landscape, wherein the “playground itself” appears to rise amid the gloom from a remote, desolate setting more suited to a cemetery?

The very name of this troupe of vampire/ewok hybrids—The Vibrators—betokens a sinister idiocy that only whiskey-swilling white accordionists of the Deep South would be pleased to convey.

The fact that this artistic abomination was released by “Green Dolphin Records” inspires not a scintilla of confidence.

Whatever is taking place, here, we can be certain only that the project was brewed and stewed in the mind of Beelzebub himself, subsequently sharted into the world of these vibrating ghouls by a spectacularly moist blast of Baphomet-flatulence, and unleashed into probably four dilapidated record shops in Baton Rouge, Louisiana or perhaps an underground blacklight club in Berlin.

I hope you ran, Little Cindy. I hope you wrenched your terrified self away from that contraption and escaped the doom of the Vibrators.

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[ THE WEDNESDAY BOX, a dark fable for all ages by Jonathan Kieran is slated for international release January 20, 2026]

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