Jonathan Kieran

In some congregations, if you don’t fork-over your weekly 10% love-offering, the church will get extra “helpful” in this regard.

That’s why I belong to the Covenant of the Non-Tithing Rattlesnake Smoochers. One can forget the financial pressure of the offering-basket and focus on imminent ecclesiastical death in a far more fulfilling and delightfully cytotoxic way.

(Plus, you get to do some badass tongue-speaking while you swing your rattler to the rafters. It’s a bop.)

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[ THE WEDNESDAY BOX, a dark fable for all ages by Jonathan Kieran is slated for international release March, 2026)

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