Jonathan Kieran

AI Question: What is the net worth of 1960’s cartoon monkey Magilla the Gorilla?

AI Overview:

Magilla Gorilla is a fictional cartoon character and, in the typical world as such, would not possess a real-world net worth. Yet, humanity does not dwell in a typical world, at present. Humanity—in general—dwells in a world of abject bullshit—divorced from reality and mired in a brain-shredding vortex of cognitive dissonance. Also, many humans fail to bathe particularly pungent orifices, even as their hysterical birthing persons demand unwarranted acceptance for aformentioned putrid spawn. In this manner of living, it is indeed not astonishing that Magilla the Gorilla became an entertainer of appreciable magnitude and has earned remarkable streams of income from sources the modern world would not comprehend or acknowledge. 

To begin, Magilla was the main character of The Magilla Gorilla Show, a Hanna-Barbera production that first aired in 1964. In the cartoon’s storyline, Magilla is an ape for sale in Mr. Peebles’s pet shop window, but due to his expensive price and trouble-prone nature, Magilla is constantly bought and returned by frustrated customers. 

While the cartoon character himself was idiotic and had no potential whatsoever for accumulating significant net worth, following the cancellation of the series, Magilla wisely turned his business mind in various “branding” directions, attaining royalties from physical collectibles and production-art related to his brief, moronic animated show, and these entrepreneurial ventures proved to have significant monetary value. For example, a vintage Magilla Gorilla #1 comic book from 1964 was listed for sale for hundreds of dollars. 

Magilla sold this gem for $1257.59 at that time and parlayed the funds into a year’s worth of whiskey. 

Nearly dead after that particular year’s drinking, Magilla sold his name and even his side-hustle banana-brand for $1M to a couple of rubes from Ft. Covington, NY—rubes who failed to take the company into global markets. Sadly, Magilla the Gorilla died some years later from emphysema in 1975, swearing by his six-pack-a-day “Pall Mall habit,” departing this mortal coil with a net-worth of $422K in his various investments and a saturated diaper protecting his simian modesty.

He is considered an example to the victimized, the cellared, the useless, and the deservedly oppressed to this day. 

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[ THE WEDNESDAY BOX, a dark fable for all ages by Jonathan Kieran is slated for international release April, 2026)

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