Jonathan Kieran

”It’s your fault, Nancy. YOU were the one who led Frosty into the greenhouse and then locked the door behind him. YOU stood outside and listened with delight as he screamed in bloodcurdling agony and begged for mercy. YOU watched gleefully as the heat began to melt his body parts, until his mushmouth no longer had the form or strength to hold the corncob pipe. You, Nancy, laughed your wicked little ninny-snicker as his button nose evaporated into a mere nub and the two eyes made out of coal dropped to the floor with a gruesome PLONK!

There was no magic in that old silk hat you found, Nancy. And now Frosty is dead—dead as a doornail!—because you killed him, you miserable little moppet. Cry all you wish at the sight of your handiwork, O pint-sized wretch, but all that remains is a puddle in which the reflection of your heinous demon-face can be seen as though peeking from the hazy corners of a nightmare. YOU destroyed Christmas, Nancy, and Santa is going to beat the living daylights out of you from this abominable crime!”

(I gather that Dreamworks is planning a new animated IMAX version of the beloved TV cartoon and this is the way I always figured it should end. I’m excited to flesh-out the rest of Nancy’s story—including her subsequent imprisonment for voluntary snowslaughter—as I complete the script. No one at the studio will be able to turn this down. Merry Christmas!)

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[ THE WEDNESDAY BOX, a dark fable for all ages by Jonathan Kieran is slated for international release April 28, 2026)

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