Jonathan Kieran

Don’t visit an Apple Campus. Not now, not ever. Take it from me. Look ⬆️

You don’t want to be reduced to that.

Be that as it may, hold on to your yawns: this site is getting its ass kicked in three weeks. Stuff will transpire.

I hate my own site with every FIBER OF MY BEING. (Wow, that felt good to say!) and shall therefore hiss Godzilla-breath in its direction and then smack the sad remnants with a Balrog whip.

I shall always reserve a special disdain in my heart, however, for the dying dregs of my site and the most recent ball-sucking Apple update, which, like most Apple updates, serves only to complicate straightforward usage and allow boardroom morons with pierced carotid arteries to justify their jobs by saying:

“Hey. Um. Uh. I know what we could do. You know. Like. To improve? We could, like, give people twelve more complicated options to do accomplish something instead of only one simple way. I mean, it’s wrong to just have one efficient choice. Right? Seriously, efficiency should not be defined by simplicity and common sense.

I mean, that’s just racist and provincial, as we all know. So let’s take the simple and make it tricky. Like, super-tricky! I feel confident that I’ve contributed and, you know, put-in a full day’s executive work and so forth. Now I’m going to pee. Keep the meeting going while I’m gone. I don’t know how long I’ll be. It could be quick and simple but, to be honest, I wish I could come-up with fourteen different ways to expel the same stream of piss. Think about that human improvement! We only have one stupid frickin way to pee now. So unfair and exclusive! The world would hold hands across oceans if we had multiple urination pathways. God, I love choices. Back in an hour.”

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[ THE WEDNESDAY BOX, a dark fable by Jonathan Kieran, is slated for international release May 19, 2026 ]

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