Jonathan Kieran

For the cut-rate price of just $2.99 you, too, can thrill to the dulcet tones of this trio of holy rollin’ damsels. Behold their saintly coifs—“the higher the hair, the closer to heaven!”—and the record label, DYNAMIC, which surely reflects the stage presence of our three nestlings whenever they perform their string of megahits “live”.

Looking at these backwater Bible-thumping Calvinists, I absorb the declarative power of their album title and BELIEVE that “the Lord” laid each ‘n’ every one of ‘em. Maybe all three at the same time! (From the look of things, however, there appears to be an unhatched sibling in the mix up front … let us hope that the ovular occupant is not stillborn within the shell, lest the nest become befowled!)

Most enticing of all is the lineup of tunes underscoring the fact that these Darlings of Deuteronomy were utterly nailed by divinity. One rousing, emphatic favorite after another awaits …

LED BY HIS MIGHTY STAFF (Girls, that’s how you got into this fix in the first place)

TO HIM I AM BEAUTIFUL (Lucky thing ‘cuz you ain’t gettin’ that elsewhere)

I FELT HIM COME (Did y’all hear Gabriel’s horn blow at the same instant?)

GOD BLESS MY PIE (Yes, but you’ll have to do your part, too. Keep the oven tidy!)

So much edifying sacred entertainment on one platter is almost too much to comprehend. Buy it now before these wholesome Lord-laid lookers sell their souls to Satan and go hip-hop.

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[ THE WEDNESDAY BOX, a dark fable by Jonathan Kieran is slated for international release May 19, 2026 ]

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