Category: Existential Prices by Jonathan Kieran

Orwellian Amazon INSANITY!

Rack and ruin, smiting and wrath, horror upon horror to the goblins, micro-gremlins and scatterbrained millennial “thinkers” that currently operate Amazon.com, a company which I now truly believe to be a devious tentacular weapon of the Illuminati (or whatever trendy cabal so many crazy-ass conspiracy theorists are barking about incessantly these days.) Get THIS shit: I have been an Amazon customer since its inception … Read More Orwellian Amazon INSANITY!

Flashback Friday

Another impending move, another house sold … the semi-peripatetic life has suited me for creative, financial, and spiritual reasons since the days of my youth. I am happy to report that the present days (and what “youth” remains) are still being spent in the pursuit of adventure and whatever alluring-but-elusive glimpses of magic may be attained amid this mortal coil. Speaking of the Sweet … Read More Flashback Friday

The More Things Change …

BOOK REVIEW by Jonathan Kieran THE GOLDEN ASS, or METAMORPHOSES Apuleius (translation by E.J. Kenney*) Penguin Classics Edition Though I tend to eschew the once noble and now tragically democratized art of “professional” book reviewing, the occasional exception is made for some vaunted pillar of the past that gleams with particular resonance or charms my pants off, quite literally. To wit, I am pleased … Read More The More Things Change …

Oh, the Carnage and Lifelong Scarification of Temptations Unresisted! #Pastries

I could see the danger clearly the instant I opened the box … Without doubt, this nondescript cardboard package had been sent by an enemy of diabolical cunning and almost incomprehensible Evil! Oh, the tiny sticker on the outside of the heinous delivery read: “Lafayette French Bakery and Café in Carmel, California,” but I knew that anything containing objects this lethal, this astonishingly insidious, … Read More Oh, the Carnage and Lifelong Scarification of Temptations Unresisted! #Pastries

Jonny’s Retro-Cinema Hall of LAME: Goo-Luvin’ Giants … with their own village!

JONNY’S RETRO-CINEMA HALL OF LAME presents TODAY’S DUBIOUS HONOREE: VILLAGE OF THE GIANTS (1965) GUILTY OF VEHICULAR FANSLAUGHTER: Director Bert Gordon with “Stars” Beau Bridges, Tommy Kirk, Joy Harmon, Johnny Crawford, Ron Howard, Robert Random, Toni Basil, Vicki London, and other Assorted Aces of Awfulness RUDIMENTARY ANALYSIS: Based more loosely than a herd of rabid, wailing cows attempting to dance the Virginia Reel upon H.G. … Read More Jonny’s Retro-Cinema Hall of LAME: Goo-Luvin’ Giants … with their own village!

Checking-Out to Check-In

It has been awhile since I’ve blogged anything newsy on the official site (including Zanzibar strips) and there are reasons for that which I would like to take a few moments to explain. First, I have been steeped for the past six months in the preliminary planning and initial creation-phases of my next, as-yet-untitled book, slated for release in 2019 by Brightbourne. It’s going … Read More Checking-Out to Check-In

Post-Christmas Narcissistic Food Porn

Yes, I am hereby and at last engaging in that ”time-honored” FB tradition of displaying one’s private FOOD PREPARATIONS for the awestruck wonderment of those inhabiting cyberspace. Because we ALL KNOW how crucial it is that untold others see exactly what we are about to put into our mouths and proceed to masticate, thus launching the arduous and biologically complex process of human digestion. … Read More Post-Christmas Narcissistic Food Porn

He-Man & She-Ra: Proudly Fostering Body Dysmorphia since 1983! by Jonathan Kieran

POP HAZMAT RETRO HALL OF FAME presents Wonderfully Warped Children’s Television!by JONATHAN KIERAN TODAY’S DUBIOUS HONOREE: He-Man (1983-1985) and She-Ra (1985-1986) GUILTY OF VEHICULAR FANSLAUGHTER: He-Man, She-Ra, Skeletor, Battle Cat, Teela and all the elves working Mattel’s Everlasting Assembly-line of Dysfunctional Dreams. RUDIMENTARY ANALYSIS: If you were a trendy child growing-up in the 1980s and early 1990s, there’s little chance you escaped the pop-culture … Read More He-Man & She-Ra: Proudly Fostering Body Dysmorphia since 1983! by Jonathan Kieran

Classic Kid-Kibble from Yesteryear! by Jonathan Kieran

POP HAZMAT-RETRO presents CLASSIC KID-KIBBLE from YESTERYEAR by JONATHAN KIERAN TODAY’S DUBIOUS HONOREE: BOO BERRY CRUNCH CEREAL (General Mills) RUDIMENTARY ANALYSIS: As one of a trilogy of “monster-themed” cereals introduced by General Mills in the mid-1970s (along with Frankenberry and Count Chocula) Boo Berry Crunch was touted by its makers as “the first cereal to ever taste like blueberries.” I have some good friends … Read More Classic Kid-Kibble from Yesteryear! by Jonathan Kieran

Grab The Good Moments and Never Let ‘Em Go, Fellow Homo Sapiens

Perch no longer upon painful pins and needles, Ye friends, readers, and oh-so-ardent admirers strewn across the whirling globe. Verily I say unto thee, an “update” has been born amid the creaking, ramshackle windmills of my brain. That being said, don’t get too excited, as this update is unlikely to rock your world or even rustle a few leaves upon the Autumnal Tree of … Read More Grab The Good Moments and Never Let ‘Em Go, Fellow Homo Sapiens

Songs That Made Childhood Magical … #SesameStreet

Okay, so a hitherto planned “Ten Best Meals I Ever Ate” List is not going to appear today. I’m on the fourth day of a complete fast/cleanse, i.e. no solid food and only lemon-water, honey and cayenne pepper to sustain me. Thus, my long and illustrious history of gastronomic adventure is the last thing I want to expound-upon, at the moment. Instead, we’ll opt for … Read More Songs That Made Childhood Magical … #SesameStreet

Reading And Writing While Intoxicated (by LIFE, thank you very much)

I suppose some people might be interested in what (if anything) a writer likes to read while he or she is in the process of creating a new, long-form literary work of his or her own. Do I binge on vintage comic books culled from secretive forays to collectibles stores, flea-markets, and online eBay auctions? Do I crack open a box of bon-bons and … Read More Reading And Writing While Intoxicated (by LIFE, thank you very much)