Zanzibar Circus 5.11.17

NEW ZAN

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Jonathan Kieran is the author of Confessions from the Comments Section: The Secret Lives of Internet Commenters and Other Pop Culture Zombies (Brightbourne) as well as the Rowan Blaize series of epic contemporary fantasy books. He is also the creator of the comic strip Zanzibar Circus (or, in the case of today’s careless screw-up, Planet Zanzibar.) Look for an epic new tale of staggering proportions in 2018. Meanwhile explore this site to learn more about Jonathan’s current titles, or buy his books on Amazon by clicking the cover images to the right in the sidebar. Enjoy your life before the cataclysm strikes.

Happy Thanksgiving: Zanzibar Circus 11.22.16

… Make merry and be happy. Try not to strangle your liberal or conservative loved ones over the mashed potatoes.

zanzturkey-1_____________________________________________

Jonathan Kieran is the author of Confessions from the Comments Section: The Secret Lives of Internet Commenters and Other Pop Culture Zombies (Brightbourne) as well as the Rowan Blaize series of epic contemporary fantasy books. He is also the creator of the comic strip Zanzibar Circus. Explore this site to learn more about Jonathan’s work, or buy his books on Amazon by clicking the cover images to the right in the sidebar.

ZANZIBAR CIRCUS 6.13.16

zanz61316

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Jonathan Kieran is the author of Confessions from the Comments Section: The Secret Lives of Internet Commenters and Other Pop Culture Zombies (Brightbourne) as well as the Rowan Blaize series of epic fantasy books. He is also the creator of the comic strip Zanzibar Circus. Explore this site to learn more about Jonathan’s work, or buy his books on Amazon by clicking the cover images to the right in the sidebar.

So glad they took a real risk & chose an obscure, humble, “talented type” to be #BritishGQWomanOfTheYear #Refreshing

"Gee, Mickey, people tell me I can sing like a nightingale, dance up a storm, and make folks laugh or cry with one line of dialogue. But I always doubt I've got any real talent. Do you think I'd ever have a chance to make it in the business in, say, the year 2014?"

“Gee, Mickey, in our heyday, people used to tell me I could sing like a nightingale, dance up a storm, and make folks laugh or cry with one line of dialogue. But I always doubted I had any real talent. Do you think I would’ve had a chance to really ‘make it’ in another era? Like the year 2014, for example?”

"Gosh, I dunno, Judy. Maybe if you're willing to inject your puny butt-cheeks with enough synthetic filler to smother a rhinoceros  and then expose that distorted rump like a feverish baboon begging the entire jungle to urinate on your rancid, swollen flesh ... you could probably get some attention in 2014. "

“In terms of how talent is rewarded by the masses in 2014? Quite possibly, Judy. I mean, if you were willing to inject your ass-cheeks with enough synthetic filler to smother a rhinoceros and then gyrate like a fevered baboon begging the entire jungle to urinate on your rancid, swollen flesh, you’d get all the attention, adulation, and financial security an American girl could ask for.”

``  ! ? ! ``

“ ! ? ! “

"Aw ... forget I said anything, Joots. Just stay here with me in heaven. Besides, it's all gonna blow sky-high down there for those dirty animals, anyhow. Let's go get a milkshake."

“Aw … forget I said anything, Joots. Just stick with me. Besides, I hear it’s all gonna blow sky-high down there for those filthy animals at any minute. C’mon. Let’s go get some popcorn and watch the fireworks from up here. Ought to be a swell show.”


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Jonathan Kieran is withdrawing from contemporary human society to protest a multitude of offenses against taste and decency, but that doesn’t mean you need to head for the hills. No! Let Mr. Kieran become your Vicarious Hermit, serving all of your needs for solitude and isolated contemplation by proxy, as it were. Otherwise, stick around: some form of epic and expectation-shattering work is slated for release in 2015. News about future books and Jonathan’s in-development multimedia production company will be forthcoming.

For your current reading pleasure, Jonathan is the author of the classically appointed Rowan Blaize books and novels. Visit Mr. Kieran’s Official Facebook Page and give it a “Like” if you are so inclined. Meanwhile . . .

Escape the Imminent Collapse of Civilization, if only for a few hours. A sweeping modern fairy-tale is born with the Rowan Blaize series of works. Click on the book covers to the right or have a look below to learn more.

Watch the Rowan Blaize Book Trailer HERE.

Book One = The magical cornerstone – a lavishly illustrated epic narrative poem … a genuine “spell” for the young and young-at-heart to treasure for a lifetime, telling the story of sorcerer Rowan Blaize’s battle to regain his magic powers. (Think Beowulf-meets-Dr.Seuss or an epic story-in-verse of a scope similar to Tolkien’s soon-to-be-released The Fall of Arthur, only contemporary.)

Book Two = The rip-roaring novel that continues the adventures of Rowan Blaize and introduces the three hilarious witches of the Ancient City, along with its dysfunctional werewolves, wraiths, ghosts, vampires, dryads, banshees and a beauty pageant brat that just might destroy the world.

Book Three = The next novel that finds Rowan trapped by a spell in another world, caught between a faery-squashing sorceress who’ll stop at nothing to conquer the kingdom … and a feisty teenage prince who’s determined to get it back.

Click here to purchase the Kindle e-books and watch a video of Jonathan discussing his work.
__________________________________________
Barnes and Noble
IndieBound
Books-A-Million
Rowan Blaize Official Website
Goodreads

When a delicate, pristine dewdrop graces the world …

"Oh, look up there on the big-screen TV, Thelma. It's that demure little pop-songstress, Nicki Minaj, on the cover of her new record."

“Oh, look up there on the big-screen TV, Thelma! It’s the pop-songstress, Nicki Minaj, on the cover of her new record.”

conclusion gossip

"You know, I think it's wonderful that a sense of mystery and understatement is making a comeback in the entertainment world, don't you?"

“You know, I think it’s wonderful that a sense of mystery and understatement is finally making a comeback in the entertainment world, don’t you?”

Uber Whore
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Jonathan Kieran is slowly withdrawing from contemporary human society in protest against a myriad of offenses against taste and decency, but his epic new novel is slated for release in 2015. Stay tuned for more news about the book in coming months.

Jonathan is also the author of the classically appointed Rowan Blaize series of modern fairy-tales and novels. Visit Jonathan Kieran’s Official Facebook Page and give it a “Like,” if you are so inclined. Meanwhile …

Escape the Imminent Collapse of Civilization, if only for a few hours. A sweeping modern fairy-tale is born with the Rowan Blaize series of books. Click on the book covers to the right or have a look below …

Watch the Rowan Blaize Book Trailer HERE.

Book One = The magical cornerstone – a lavishly illustrated epic narrative poem … a genuine “spell” for the young and young-at-heart to treasure for a lifetime, telling the story of sorcerer Rowan Blaize’s battle to regain his magic powers. (Think Beowulf-meets-Dr.Seuss or an epic story-in-verse of a scope similar to Tolkien’s soon-to-be-released The Fall of Arthur, only contemporary.)

Book Two = The rip-roaring novel that continues the adventures of Rowan Blaize and introduces the three hilarious witches of the Ancient City, along with its dysfunctional werewolves, wraiths, ghosts, vampires, dryads, banshees and a beauty pageant brat that just might destroy the world.

Book Three = The next novel that finds Rowan trapped by a spell in another world, caught between a faery-squashing sorceress who’ll stop at nothing to conquer the kingdom … and a feisty teenage prince who’s determined to get it back.

Click here to purchase the Kindle e-books and watch a video of Jonathan discussing his work.
__________________________________________
Barnes and Noble
IndieBound
Books-A-Million
Rowan Blaize Official Website
Goodreads

Only in a salon in Topanga … #CulturalIronies

"Society has gotten so vulgar that I can barely bring myself to watch the evening news these days, Sheila. Murder, mayhem, misogyny, and morons misbehaving. That's all the media seems to care about."

“Society has gotten so vulgar that I can barely bring myself to watch the evening news these days, Sheila. Skanks and sinners. Murder, mayhem, miscreants, and other morons misbehaving. That’s all the media seems to care about anymore. I tell you, it’s a scandal. There’s nothing uplifting or wholesome out there in the mainstream to nourish a girl’s intellect.”

conclusion gossip

"Thank God for dystopian steampunk BDSM vampire-erotica or I wouldn't have anything worthwhile to feed my brain. Sheesh."

“Thank God for dystopian-steampunk-BDSM-vampire-erotica or my starving brain would just shrivel up and die.”

conclusion gossip
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Jonathan Kieran’s new novel is slated for release in Autumn 2014. Look for news about the release here and at Amazon.com in the coming weeks and months.

Jonathan is also the author of the classically appointed Rowan Blaize series of modern fairy-tales and novels. Visit Jonathan Kieran’s Official Facebook Page and give it a “Like,” if you are so inclined. Meanwhile …

Escape the Imminent Collapse of Civilization, if only for a few hours. A sweeping modern fairy-tale is born with the Rowan Blaize series of books. Click on the book covers to the right or have a look below …

Watch the Rowan Blaize Book Trailer HERE.

Book One = The magical cornerstone – a lavishly illustrated epic narrative poem … a genuine “spell” for the young and young-at-heart to treasure for a lifetime, telling the story of sorcerer Rowan Blaize’s battle to regain his magic powers. (Think Beowulf-meets-Dr.Seuss or an epic story-in-verse of a scope similar to Tolkien’s soon-to-be-released The Fall of Arthur, only contemporary.)

Book Two = The rip-roaring novel that continues the adventures of Rowan Blaize and introduces the three hilarious witches of the Ancient City, along with its dysfunctional werewolves, wraiths, ghosts, vampires, dryads, banshees and a beauty pageant brat that just might destroy the world.

Book Three = The next novel that finds Rowan trapped by a spell in another world, caught between a faery-squashing sorceress who’ll stop at nothing to conquer the kingdom … and a feisty teenage prince who’s determined to get it back.

Click here to purchase the Kindle e-books and watch a video of Jonathan discussing his work.
__________________________________________
Barnes and Noble
IndieBound
Books-A-Million
Rowan Blaize Official Website
Goodreads

Nurse Peggy warns us about the dangers of #kale

kale

"Now, in my day, kale was just the big leafy bunch of nonsense a cook might use to fancy-up a plate of hot Southern goodness like the stuff you see below ..."

“In my day, kale was just a big leafy bunch of foolishness a cook might use to ‘fancy-up’ a plate of steaming Southern nutrition–just like the cuisine you see below …”

hongray

"Anybody with sense couldn't wait to yank that bushy garnish off their plate and shovel into their chicken-fried steak and savor lard the way God intended lard to be savored."

“Kale? Are you kidding me? Anybody with sense couldn’t wait to yank that bushy piece of pointless garnish off their plate and dive into their chicken-fried steak to savor lard the way God intended lard to be savored, just like that fine-looking American citizen is doing below …”

( brruuuuuupppppppp! )

( brruuuuuupppppppp! )

"Well, times certainly have changed, because I understand that anemic hippie women too weak from hunger to blow their own dripping noses are now chewing raw kale as a means of getting themselves through Pilates classes! I mean, these people are blending it up with peaches and sucking it down like it's dessert! I am not the only American girl who find this trend disturbing, either."

“Well, times certainly have changed, because I understand that anemic hippie-women too weak from hunger to blow their own dripping noses are now chewing raw kale as a means of getting themselves through Pilates class! I mean, these people are blending it up with peaches and sucking it down like it’s some kinda gott-damned dessert! I am not the only American girl who finds this trend disturbing, either.”

"Oh, Lord, please don't put that stinky green shrub in with our precious Georgia peaches! [ sniff` sniff`] Who would do that to an innocent little peach, Jesus? My Gawd, we used to feed kale to the hogs! Well, at least we did until poor Aunt Ruby fell into the sty in 1962 and then afterwards they'd only eat chicken dipped in a bit of Mary Kay Cosmetics, but this kale fad is an abomination. It ain't even in the Bible, is it? How much more have I gotta take this year, Lord? Kale's puttin' me out of business!" [sniff`sniff` bwuh-hoo-huh-hic`]

“Oh, Lord, please don’t put that stinky green shrub in with our precious Georgia peaches! [ sniff` sniff`] Who would do that to an innocent little peach, Jesus? My Gawd, we used to feed kale to the hogs! Well, at least we did until poor Aunt Ruby fell in the sty in 1962 and then afterwards they’d only eat chicken bones dipped in a li’l bit of Mary Kay Cosmetics … but this kale fad is an abomination! It ain’t even in the Bible, is it? How much more have I gotta take this year, Lord? Kale’s puttin’ me out of business!”[sniff`sniff` bwuh-hoo-huh-hic`]

"Testify, my sister! It's putting women like me out of business, too. Why, I used to make my vacation-money working overtime on the triple-bypass ward. Now that's all down the toilet due to kale, and I mean that literally. Squeaky clean colons won't get me to Vegas every year, honey."

“Testify, my sister! It’s putting women like me out of business, too. Why, I used to make my vacation-money working overtime on the triple-bypass wards. Now that’s all gone straight down the toilet due to kale, and I mean that literally. Squeaky-clean colons won’t get me to Vegas every year, honey. I mean, just look at this proud dingbat from California with his big-ass batch of Grade A intestinal-scrubber.”

[ Ohhh. Baby. Me. You. Naked. Ohhhh.]

[ Ohhh. Baby. Me. You. Naked. Ohhhh. Unnnghh. ]

"What can we do to turn it around, Peggy? My powers are weakened since I lost the favor of canned ham moguls."

“Lord above, that wormy little hippie looks like he’s gonna go home and smoke that kale, Peggy! What can we do to defeat this evil, darlin’? My powers have weakened since I lost favor with the canned ham moguls.”[ `bwehhh `sniff `buh-hoo-hew-hchh`]

"The solution is simple, babe. We start spreading a rumor that kale is a plant secretly bioengineered by mad Republican scientists to eliminate the muscle tone of every progressive in the country. The kale market will crash, people will turn back to godly food, and I'll be in Vegas quicker'n them razorbacks gnawed the toes off your Aunt Ruby."

“The solution is simple, babe. We start spreading a rumor that kale is a plant secretly bioengineered by mad Republican scientists to eliminate the muscle tone of every progressive in the country and render them unable to resist the coming Apocalypse. The kale market will crash, people will turn back to godly food, and I’ll be in Vegas quicker’n them razorbacks gnawed the face off your Aunt Ruby in ’62.”

"Oh! That's a fabulous idea, Peggy! You're a genius! No Republican would touch a piece of kale. Why, I might even be able to rebuild my buttery kingdom!"

“Oh! That’s a fabulous idea, Peggy! You’re a genius! No Republican would touch a piece of kale. Belly-up those growers would go. Why, I might even be able to rebuild my buttery kingdom!”

"I wouldn't get my hopes-up on that part, doll. Getting rid of the scourge of kale is one thing ... getting them to overlook your special kind of crazy is another."

“I wouldn’t get my hopes up on that part, doll. Getting rid of the scourge of kale is one thing … getting a nation to overlook your special kind of crazy is another.”

[ Buhhhhh-`sniff `sniff `snork ... ]

[ Buhhhhh-`sniff `sniff `snork … ]

kale
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Jonathan Kieran’s (as-yet-untitled) new novel is slated for release in late Spring 2014. Look for news about the release here and at Amazon.com in the coming weeks and months.

Jonathan is also the author of the classically appointed Rowan Blaize series of modern fairy-tales and novels. Visit Jonathan Kieran’s Official Facebook Page and give it a “Like,” if you are so inclined. Meanwhile …

Escape the Imminent Collapse of Civilization, if only for a few hours. A sweeping modern fairy-tale is born with the Rowan Blaize series of books. Click on the book covers to the right or have a look below …

Watch the Rowan Blaize Book Trailer HERE.

Book One = The magical cornerstone – a lavishly illustrated epic narrative poem … a genuine “spell” for the young and young-at-heart to treasure for a lifetime, telling the story of sorcerer Rowan Blaize’s battle to regain his magic powers. (Think Beowulf-meets-Dr.Seuss or an epic story-in-verse of a scope similar to Tolkien’s soon-to-be-released The Fall of Arthur, only contemporary.)

Book Two = The rip-roaring novel that continues the adventures of Rowan Blaize and introduces the three hilarious witches of the Ancient City, along with its dysfunctional werewolves, wraiths, ghosts, vampires, dryads, banshees and a beauty pageant brat that just might destroy the world.

Book Three = The next novel that finds Rowan trapped by a spell in another world, caught between a faery-squashing sorceress who’ll stop at nothing to conquer the kingdom … and a feisty teenage prince who’s determined to get it back.

Click here to purchase the Kindle e-books and watch a video of Jonathan discussing his work.
__________________________________________
Barnes and Noble
IndieBound
Books-A-Million
Rowan Blaize Official Website
Goodreads