A waitress at an Appleby’s in Colorado walks up to take an order at a table of young women who’ve got their drinkin’-dresses on for an evening of FUN! The waitress, Brianna Priddy (a name you literally want to pet), asks these good-time gals for their IDs. They oblige. Brianna looks at the IDs and is a tad stunned to discover that one of them … is her own.

Yes, Brianna’s driver’s license had been stolen at an undisclosed time before this particular Girls’ Night Out and, lo and behold, the criminal mastermind who apparently ripped-her-off handed it back to Brianna, right there at the four-top. Why? Because that slice of brilliance was mighty thirsty and them Appleby’s margaritas just taste so delicious. Tangy. A girl can have a lot of laughs when she knocks back a few margaritas purchased via her actual waitress’s stolen identification.

Brianna reportedly “played it cool” (the Priddy Family raises no airheads!) and pretended to take the woman’s order when what she really did was march herself right over to the nearest wait-station, knock some dawdling busboy out of her Priddy pathway, and call THE LAW. Officers arrived. The woman who had stolen Brianna Priddy’s license was arrested and taken to jail, parched and pining for the sweet taste of tequila and cheap sour-mix, her glad-rags undoubtedly askew, her worldview dashed for at least the third time that week.

You know, when people lament the current state of American intellectual standards or bemoan the mercurial nature of contemporary attention-spans, I like to remind them that dynamic, highly analytical and dazzling minds are all around us. Not just here in the USA but in places like Zimbabwe, too! I do not fear for the future, for I know that, seated just one table away at any given chain-eatery on a Friday night, I am more than likely in the presence of GENIUS.