Pop HazMat Headline du Jour: Ashton Kutcher Says Twitter is Really Messed Up

GOODREADS MEMBERS Click Here for a Chance to Win a Giveaway Copy of Rowan Blaize and the Hand of Djin Rummy by Jonathan Kieran. The Contest runs until June 10!

Watch the Rowan Blaize Book Trailer HERE.

HAZMAT HEADLINE DU JOUR: Ashton Kutcher Says Twitter is Really Messed Up by Jonathan Kieran

Behold One of the Staggering Intellects of Our Time

Behold One of the Staggering Intellects of Our Time

CULTURAL TOXICITY QUOTIENT: 6 (OR: approximately the toxic equivalent of every photo of Demi Moore that has managed to find publication since 2008)

RUDIMENTARY ANALYSIS: Yes, Ashton Kutcher, Twitter is a pointless, hot mess. But so is Two and a Half Men, and that isn’t likely to be going anywhere for a long time, either. Deal.

EXISTENTIAL RAMIFICATIONS: No ramifications. Anyone on Twitter has already lost his or her Eternal Soul, so existential issues mean nothing to us.

TAKE-AWAY QUOTE: “There’s a lot of people selling shit that I don’t want in my feed.” (Most interesting, Ashton. Are you talking about people selling half-baked Hollywood philosophical ramblings, celebrity worship, dimwitted upcoming film productions and execrable TV shows that actually jumped-the-shark before the pilot even aired? The hypocrisy is as refreshing as the scatterbrained drivel you spew. Gives it a pert, bubbly nuance … not unlike a drink of radiant goodness from a bottle of Champale that’s been sitting in the sun on the front porch of a hooker’s trailer by the Salton Sea for twelve days in mid-July. *Don’t ask me how I know that*)

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to tweet all of this. HAPPY MEMORIAL DAY WEEKEND, Y’ALL.

Escape the Imminent Collapse of Civilization, Friends, if only for a few hours. A sweeping modern fairy-tale is born with the Rowan Blaize series of books. Click on the book covers to the right or have a look below …

Book One = The magical cornerstone – a lavishly illustrated epic narrative poem … a genuine “spell” for the young and young-at-heart to treasure for a lifetime, telling the story of sorcerer Rowan Blaize’s battle to regain his magic powers. (Think Beowulf-meets-Dr.Seuss or an epic story-in-verse of a scope similar to Tolkien’s soon-to-be-released The Fall of Arthur, only contemporary.)

Book Two = The rip-roaring novel that continues the adventures of Rowan Blaize and introduces the three hilarious witches of the Ancient City, along with its dysfunctional werewolves, wraiths, ghosts, vampires, dryads, banshees and a beauty pageant brat that might just destroy the world.

Book Three = The next novel that finds Rowan trapped by a spell in another world, caught between a faery-squashing sorceress who’ll stop at nothing to conquer the kingdom … and a feisty teenage prince who’s determined to get it back.

Click here to purchase the Kindle e-books and watch a video of Jonathan discussing his work.
Barnes and Noble
Rowan Blaize Official Website

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