Let’s Go Feed the Velociraptor Ducks at the Pond, Dear!

Being a dinosaur maniac since age three, when the neon-colored plastic toys could be purchased fifty-to-a-bag and ready for immediate sandbox adventures, I still get excited to learn about new discoveries. Mongolia seems to be one of the hubs of hitherto undocumented dino-species excavation and the paleontologists working in that corner of the world have come up with a tantalizing new addition to the prehistoric pantheon. The Wall Street Journal reports the finding of duck-sized terrors described as “velociraptors of the sea.” Who can forget the cultural imprint left by velociraptors due to the approximately seventy-four iterations of the Jurassic Park films over the years? These small but ravenous dinosaurs became the stuff of nightmares in the same way that Steven Spielberg’s great white shark, “Bruce”, became in the wake of Jaws.

Now we are faced with the former existence of velociraptors that could enter your backyard pools and strip the flesh from your kiddies the very moment Mommy’s back is turned to relight her cigarette or refill that glass of Pinot Grigio. Surely, this would make for an outstanding tableau in the next Jurassic Park installment. I have little doubt that wheels and sprockets are turning even as I write in order to rush an abominably shitty script into existence, detailing the escape of flying/swimming velociraptors upon lazy lake-fishermen and floating fat kids enjoying summer idylls. Whatever the case, discoveries of this kind remind us all the more that life on this whizzing space-ball did not originate at the seven-day behest of a nap-loving deity in a garden full of tempting fruit and two immortal human nudists. Hell, Jehovah probably yanked the rib required to create Eve right out of a velociraptor’s mouth.

Can’t wait for that Hollywood blockbuster.


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