As if anyone in idea-bereft Hollywood needs to pull another incoherent “backstory” project out of his/her ass, randomly, drawing upon source material already beaten to the point of excruciating equine death. As if there needs to be yet another iteration of one of notorious fuddy-duddy Roald Dahl’s brilliant stories, only this time focusing upon a plot he himself never wrote or considered. As if we need another reason to put the irksome sprite, Timothee Chalamet, on a big screen. As if Earth needs yet one more opportunity to behold the glowering mug of overexposed, overpraised Olivia Colman.

As if my complaining will make one bit of difference in an industry better fit for a dumpster fire than klieg lights.

Why don’t they just make a twelve-hour miniseries based upon the life and times of Maryann, the bland fictional farm girl, before she arrived on Gilligan’s Island with the rest of her banal castaways, and get it over with. This culture has reached levels of weird obsession that ought to boggle the average mind. The entire entertainment industry needs to be placed in a straightjacket or, at the very least, forced to spend years upon a psychiatrist’s couch.

Don’t look at me: I create my own characters and worlds.

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