When Animal (prints) Attack
I don’t ever have much to say about female fashion choices and haute-couture, whether ladies of great fame or pleasant obscurity are rocking their frocks on red carpets amid the furious onslaught of the paparazzi or browsing for burger meat at the grocery store. I believe the old adage may be true: Women do not dress for men, they dress for other women.
That being said, I couldn’t help but take a second look at pop singer Shania Twain’s get-up as she toddled into some awards show the other night. Twain’s ditties ring a pleasant-if-innocuous bell, reminding me of a carefree stretch of time after first moving to California in the late 1990s, but I hadn’t realized the songstress appears to have branched out into the taming and training of African wildlife.
I wondered why not a single one of her fellow celebrities or security personnel rushed to Ms. Twain’s aid during that pap-stroll because the woman does not appear to be merely wearing a leopard-print number … it looks as if she is being EATEN ALIVE by a ravenous leopard—taken down head-first like a gazelle on the veld! Those ferocious cats are known, after all, for sinking their fangs directly into the heads of their prey and wrapping their sinewy claws around the throat in order to strangle a potential meal.
That kitty has Shania’s pink little noggin’ half-swallowed and is about to snap her clavicle with a fearsome claw before, presumably, dragging her up a nearby tree to feast in peace away from irksome jackals and hyenas. Poor little Shania. Does anyone know if she made it inside the building? I presume her designer was consumed beforehand, bones and all.
Hey, even for superstars, it’s getting to be a regular jungle out there.
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