Jonathan Kieran

AUTHOR, ILLUSTRATOR, EXISTENTIAL, INTERROGATOR

Jonathan Kieran

When Animal (prints) Attack

I don’t ever have much to say about female fashion choices and haute-couture, whether ladies of great fame or pleasant obscurity are rocking their frocks on red carpets amid the furious onslaught of the paparazzi or browsing for burger meat at the grocery store. I believe the old adage may be true: Women do not dress for men, they dress for other women.

That being said, I couldn’t help but take a second look at pop singer Shania Twain’s get-up as she toddled into some awards show the other night. Twain’s ditties ring a pleasant-if-innocuous bell, reminding me of a carefree stretch of time after first moving to California in the late 1990s, but I hadn’t realized the songstress appears to have branched out into the taming and training of African wildlife.

I wondered why not a single one of her fellow celebrities or security personnel rushed to Ms. Twain’s aid during that pap-stroll because the woman does not appear to be merely wearing a leopard-print number … it looks as if she is being EATEN ALIVE by a ravenous leopard—taken down head-first like a gazelle on the veld! Those ferocious cats are known, after all, for sinking their fangs directly into the heads of their prey and wrapping their sinewy claws around the throat in order to strangle a potential meal.

That kitty has Shania’s pink little noggin’ half-swallowed and is about to snap her clavicle with a fearsome claw before, presumably, dragging her up a nearby tree to feast in peace away from irksome jackals and hyenas. Poor little Shania. Does anyone know if she made it inside the building? I presume her designer was consumed beforehand, bones and all.

Hey, even for superstars, it’s getting to be a regular jungle out there.

_____________________________________________

#ShaniaTwain #Fashion #RedCarpet #AfricanWildlife #CircleOfLife #AuthorJonathanKieran #JonathanKieran #WriterJonathanKieran #CaliforniaLife #OnTheEdge #Wistwood #JonathanKieranTheAuthor #JonathanKieranMusic #JonathanKieranNewAlbum #JonathanKieranArtist #Jericho #JonathanKieranJericho #JerichoAlbum #WritersOfInstagram #ArtistsOfInstagram #AuthorsOfInstagram 

2 responses to “When Animal (prints) Attack”

  1. Susan Miller-Wade Avatar
    Susan Miller-Wade

    I was not aware that Ms.Twain (right!) was still around! The last I had heard of her was a scandal born of arrogance that took place in our neck of the woods.
    She blew into the area in a private plane,and of course,attracted all kinds of scornful,attention.Then her purpose became known.She had bought 110 acres of gorgeous Vermont land.In place of any thought being given to this,she hired architects and heavy equipment and proceeded to start digging for her mansion.
    But wait! Turns out we do not do things that way
    There is a muscular permotting process.You’re done,send the trucks home and your designers away.And honestly little lady in the cowboy hat—you might just want to beat feet yourself for a good while.

    Reply
    1. Jonathan Kieran Avatar
      Jonathan Kieran

      I think Shanabanana Twain was probably used to getting her way when it comes to mansions and other monstrosities. Glad to know hard core Vermonters ain’t impressed much by the smokescreen of “celebrity”.

      Reply

Leave a comment