Timing is everything. I now have three old, once-trusty iPads languishing in a box in the garage ever since my latest—which lasted all of five years—finally kicked the bucket yesterday. Yeah, yeah, my crucial notes and details and docs are backed-up in the omniscient bloody buggery CLOUD, but watching old ‘Everybody Loves Raymond’ reruns in bed on my iPhone until I start snoring at 11 PM just isn’t the same. Ship the new model, toute de suite, Amazon. I have too much work to do and have fallen behind the past month. Chop chop, you China-made peddlers of cultural potpourri.

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