Jonathan Kieran

First, I have to state that “Ironbound” is a stupid name for a great white shark. Or any animal. These marine biologists/researchers need to up their naming game skills. “Young Feisty Bastard” would have been JUST RIGHT.

And 12 feet does not constitute a “massive” Great White Shark, as some outlets have been hyperbolizing. Ironbound is an adolescent. But make no mistake: if you are in the ocean and this shark is nearby and hungry, you are in some serious shit.

Vacationers in Myrtle Beach! Listen up. Is your 30 year-old son whining about having nothin’ to do because the hotel doesn’t have Wii videogames and sunshine kinda burns that pasty-white, basement-dwellin’ epidermis? Tell him to go have a swim, at least 100 ft out.

Thank me later.

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