Jonathan Kieran

Not really. That would increase the likelihood that I had, at one time, been anally probed by aliens with a whistleblower, probably one of those freaky, long whoopee-ZOOT whistle devices used by the Three Stooges in their old movies (the Stooges were unquestionably extraterrestrials). Anyhow, I ain’t down with that.

The Hill just pubbed a piece asking whether the recent, striking increase in so-called “UFO whistleblowers” coming forward with eyewitness stories and demanding answers from a tight-lipped government is related to human craziness or the probability that earthlings are going to be imminently harvested for roasting atop barbecues on the planet Yzgryzggvyzxx.

I offer only my intuition in this regard, citizens of pure heart (all twenty-seven of you), and suggest that you take this phenomenon with a grain of salt. Human society is currently stressed to the DNA-strands and manifesting myriad symptoms of insanity across the globe. Take comfort in the possibility that all this UFO fuss could very well be a sign that some fire-breathing Jabberwocky from the book of Revelation is about to emerge from the depths of the ocean and go all Cloverfield on our species.

See? There are always rational explanations and pleasant alternative scenarios to virtually every disturbing mystery encountered in our dark and troubling times. Stay frosty!

[Look for Jonathan Kieran’s fabulous new—as yet untitled—book of hundreds of witty, cynical, zeitgeist-rocking, and knee-slappingly clever cartoons of Pure Smartassery in 2024! Stay tuned for developing news and previews.]

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