Jonathan Kieran

It must be easy to snag an Egyptological doctorate these days because some of the dumbest notions are emanating from questionable brains.

Cleopatra VII did not “negotiate” with Octavian about the burial of Marc Antony. She was smart enough to make sure she was dead before her city was sacked and she would be led alive in chains through Rome as the piece de resistance of a humiliating triumphal march.

Moreover, there has never been any indication that Cleo would have been buried in the nearby Egyptian town of Taposiris Magna in some catacomb deep beneath the temple therein. The temple itself was recent and largely undecorated in its day—hardly the sort of resting place ideal for a mighty queen. And royal burials in subterranean cult-temple sites were about as un-Egyptian as it gets, particularly since the sketchy water-table along the northern delta would have compromised burial practices severely.

So much for any cockeyed theory that Cleopatra was trying to structure her burial in order to reenact the Osiris/Isis myth.

As last of the Ptolemies, Cleopatra would have been more than satisfied to stay put in the dynastic city of Alexandria proper, among her subjects, locked up in the tomb she had already built there, upon realizing that the end was perilously near.

Taposiris Magna is a fairly dull site and its Osirian significance is not extraordinary in any ancient cultic respect; as far as we know, the temple was a latecomer to the complex and wildly diverse religious landscape of the delta region and not anywhere near as hallowed as nearby Osiris shrines in Sais, Busiris, Alexandria proper, Beltim, Behbeit, and others.

Egyptologists are coming up with some real loo-loos in order to endow ancient ruins with legendary glitter that was not originally attached to the sites themselves. It’s getting a bit ridiculous, when such notions are simply being made-up as researchers go along, ostensibly to increase tourist dollars. The ruins of Egypt are enigmatic enough without the addition of wild speculation regarding their ancient settings and purposes.

I’m just waiting for one of these nitwits to find a couple of “mummified” little green aliens in one of the pyramids, a la the embarrassing ruse perpetrated in South America recently.

Get back to disciplined science, Egypt, and leave the corny hypothesizing to Qanon or whatever the hell it is.

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[ Delightful new work by Jonathan Kieran is slated for major release in the near future so brace yourselves and think of England. This stuff is built for speed. Stay tuned for more … ]

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