Ohio “kidnap hero” DOESN’T want burgers for life. Aorta breathes sigh of relief. #popculture

GOODREADS MEMBERS Click Here for a Chance to Win a Giveaway Copy of Rowan Blaize and the Hand of Djin Rummy by Jonathan Kieran. The Contest runs until June 10!

Watch the Rowan Blaize Book Trailer HERE.

HAZMAT HEADLINE DU JOUR: Ohio Kidnap Hero DOESN’T Want Burgers for Life posted by JONATHAN KIERAN

"I love tasty burgers, but my heart says, 'NO!' " (photo: Cleveland Fox news 8)

“I love my tasty burgers, but my heart says, ‘NO!’ “
(photo: Cleveland Fox news 8)

CULTURAL TOXICITY QUOTIENT: 3 (Quotient could increase if he is being coy just to get a “piece of the burger action.” For now, Charles gets the benefit of the doubt.)

RUDIMENTARY ANALYSIS: Man gobbles Big Mac luxuriously on Cleveland front porch. Man notices desperate kidnap victim trying to escape the house next door. Man calls cops. Man becomes overnight celebrity and acknowledged hero. Man is rewarded with offers to satiate his lifetime “burger habit” for free. Man consults attorneys. Man declines tempting beefy overtures.

EXISTENTIAL RAMIFICATIONS: In declining a future glutted with complimentary slabs of ground-cow with special sauce, lettuce and cheese betwixt sesame-seed buns, Charles Ramsey’s life-expectancy has now increased by 15 years. At least 40 cows are spared. Everybody wins.

TAKE-AWAY QUOTE: “I didn’t authorize my name to be used on any merchandise!”

THERAPEUTIC CINEMA: Fast Food Revolution (Watch the Full Flick on You Tube)

DETOX DINNER: A Double-Double with fries from In-N-Out Burger. (Don’t worry … the cows are top-quality, the burgers are assembled by courteous Mormon-like youths and there are Bible-verses hidden on the packaging. These burgers taste absolutely sinful but are apparently God-Approved.)

Escape the Imminent Collapse of Civilization, Friends, if only for a few hours. A sweeping modern fairy-tale is born with the Rowan Blaize series of books. Click on the book covers to the right or have a look below …

Book One = The magical cornerstone – a lavishly illustrated epic narrative poem … a genuine “spell” for the young and young-at-heart to treasure for a lifetime, telling the story of sorcerer Rowan Blaize’s battle to regain his magic powers. (Think Beowulf-meets-Dr.Seuss or an epic story-in-verse of a scope similar to Tolkien’s soon-to-be-released The Fall of Arthur, only contemporary.)

Book Two = The rip-roaring novel that continues the adventures of Rowan Blaize and introduces the three hilarious witches of the Ancient City, along with its dysfunctional werewolves, wraiths, ghosts, vampires, dryads, banshees and a beauty pageant brat that might just destroy the world.

Book Three = The next novel that finds Rowan trapped by a spell in another world, caught between a faery-squashing sorceress who’ll stop at nothing to conquer the kingdom … and a feisty teenage prince who’s determined to get it back.

Click here to purchase the Kindle e-books and watch a video of Jonathan discussing his work.
Barnes and Noble
Rowan Blaize Official Website

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