POP HAZMAT HEADLINE DU JOUR: Ancient Egyptian Statue Moves By Itself In Museum Case: Curators Stumped! by JONATHAN KIERAN
RUDIMENTARY ANALYSIS: Curators of the Manchester Museum in England are flabbergasted by the way an ancient Egyptian statue appears to be moving of its own volition during the daytime within a locked glass case. One museum official even thinks the statue (representing a mummified man named “Neb-Senu”) might even be possessed by the spirit of the long-deceased Egyptian himself, since statues placed alongside mummies in ancient tombs were believed to act as agents or “receptacles” for the souls of the dead. Curators claim to have captured Neb-Senu’s 180-degree turns on time-lapse video.
While scholars in English museums may be stumped over this admittedly strange phenomenon, intrepid Pop HazMat reporters currently on assignment in the UK were able to get to the bottom of this peculiar matter very easily. A brief afternoon of observation was all our inquiring minds needed to reveal what English curators completely failed to notice in their misguided investigations. Based upon the distinct angle of the statue’s daily spin-cycle, Neb-Senu turns to get a direct and thrilling view of the billboard across the street from the Manchester Museum:
CULTURAL TOXICITY QUOTIENT: 1. Neb-Senu’s extraordinary attempt to get a good look at the billboard of “Backdoor Farrah” should come as no surprise whatsoever to any student of history. The Ancient Egyptians were well-known for worshipping dogs and this is clearly an act of religious devotion.
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