POP HAZMAT “CAPTURED MOMENTS” presents EAVESDROPPING at the OUTSKIRTS of EXCESS by JONATHAN KIERAN

"Hi! I'm P. Allen Smith, and with Autumn just around the corner, we're going to learn a little bit about how to grow one of the most popular and delicious comfort foods you can find in the American garden -- the Mother-in-Law Plant!"

“Hi! I’m P. Allen Smith, and with Autumn just around the corner, we’re going to learn a little bit about how to grow one of the most popular and delicious comfort foods you can find in the American garden — the Mother-in-Law Plant!”

"As soon as your Mother-in-Law Plant begins to sprout in the garden, it is crucial to rid the surrounding area of weeds and pests. Aphids, hornworms, and even raccoons will be eager to have a nibble at the softer parts of this delicious perennial, so it might be a good idea to spray her regularly in the face with harsh pesticides and surround the cultivated plot with protective mesh. These often critical, cantankerous plants tend to thrive when the responsible gardener takes time for hand-feeding. Soft materials like oatmeal, cottage cheese and peanut butter have been known to work wonders. Some growers have even had success with moist cat-food that can be obtained from any grocery store. If your Mother-in-Law Plant happens to be one of the rare Appalachian varietals, a little bit of chewing tobacco once or twice a week will go a long way toward producing vibrant blossoms! One of the best things about these fabulous vegetables is that they will let you know when they are ready to be harvested. Listen closely in early October and you'll hear them complaining incessantly about the morning chill. Once that happens, it is time to get the kitchen ready for a feast! Simply rip your Mother-in-Law Plant from the fertile earth by grabbing her hair and employing a few, violent shaking movements. The roots should come right up without a problem. These plants tend to make a strange whimpering sound when on the cutting-board, but pay no attention to that as you prepare your memorable meal. Some people like to soften their well-chopped pieces in an all-day crock pot, but I like to serve my guests a fricassee of Mother-in-Law Plant and chanterelle mushrooms seasoned with a bit of fresh thyme. A dry Riesling pairs nicely with this late-harvest delicacy and you can be sure that your friends will be raving for days about your culinary abilities. They may even pester you for tips about how to raise their own Mother-in-Law Plants. Be sure to tell them you learned it all from me! Until next time, from the garden, I'm Allen Smith!"

“As soon as your Mother-in-Law Plant begins to sprout in the garden, it is crucial to rid the surrounding area of weeds and pests. Aphids, hornworms, and even raccoons will be eager to have a nibble at the softer parts of this delicious perennial, so it might be a good idea to spray her regularly in the face with harsh pesticides and surround the cultivated plot with protective mesh. These often critical, cantankerous plants tend to thrive when the responsible gardener takes time for hand-feeding. Soft materials like oatmeal, cottage cheese and peanut butter have been known to work wonders. Some growers have even had success with moist cat-food that can be obtained from any grocery store. If your Mother-in-Law Plant happens to be one of the rare Appalachian or Ozark varietals, a little bit of chewing tobacco once or twice a week will go a long way toward producing vibrant blossoms! One of the best things about these fabulous vegetables is that they will let you know when they are ready to be harvested. Listen closely in early October and you’ll hear them complaining incessantly about the morning chill. Once that happens, it is time to get the kitchen ready for a feast. Simply rip your Mother-in-Law Plant from the fertile earth by grabbing her hair and employing a few, violent shaking movements. The roots should come right up without a problem. These plants tend to make a strange whimpering sound when on the cutting-board, but pay no attention to that as you prepare your memorable meal. Some people like to soften their well-chopped pieces in an all-day crock pot, but I like to serve my guests a fricassee of Mother-in-Law Plant and chanterelle mushrooms seasoned with a bit of fresh thyme. A dry Riesling pairs nicely with this late-harvest delicacy and you can be sure that your friends will be raving for days about your culinary abilities. They may even pester you for tips about how to raise their own Mother-in-Law Plants. Be sure to tell them you learned it all from me!”

"Until next time, from the garden, I'm Allen Smith!"

“Until next time, from the garden, I’m Allen Smith!”

______

While Jonathan works to complete his new novel (slated for release in Spring 2014) blogging will be swift, light, fun and generally of the “drive-by captioning” variety. Meanwhile, if you’re bored and don’t have any Japanese eyeballs to lick, hop on over to Jonathan Kieran’s Official Facebook Page and give it a Like!

Escape the Imminent Collapse of Civilization, Friends, if only for a few hours. A sweeping modern fairy-tale is born with the Rowan Blaize series of books. Click on the book covers to the right or have a look below …

Watch the Rowan Blaize Book Trailer HERE.

Book One = The magical cornerstone – a lavishly illustrated epic narrative poem … a genuine “spell” for the young and young-at-heart to treasure for a lifetime, telling the story of sorcerer Rowan Blaize’s battle to regain his magic powers. (Think Beowulf-meets-Dr.Seuss or an epic story-in-verse of a scope similar to Tolkien’s soon-to-be-released The Fall of Arthur, only contemporary.)

Book Two = The rip-roaring novel that continues the adventures of Rowan Blaize and introduces the three hilarious witches of the Ancient City, along with its dysfunctional werewolves, wraiths, ghosts, vampires, dryads, banshees and a beauty pageant brat that just might destroy the world.

Book Three = The next novel that finds Rowan trapped by a spell in another world, caught between a faery-squashing sorceress who’ll stop at nothing to conquer the kingdom … and a feisty teenage prince who’s determined to get it back.

Click here to purchase the Kindle e-books and watch a video of Jonathan discussing his work.
__________________________________________
Barnes and Noble
IndieBound
Books-A-Million
Rowan Blaize Official Website
Goodreads

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