Cindy Knows It All by Jonathan Kieran

But was there enough gore left-over to chum the Enchanted Lake?

/ Jonathan Kieran / 1 Comment

"... then the handsome Prince married Cinderella, and, after the wedding, threw her step-sisters, Kim, Khloe, Kourtney, and Kendall, into a pool filled with starving sharks, where they screamed for mercy as they were devoured in great, gory mouthfuls ... even the parts made of plastic. THE END. Oh, Mother, you always know how to pick the most satisfying bedtime stories. I'll sleep like an angel after this one!"

“… then the handsome Prince married Cinderella, and, after the wedding, threw her stepmother, Kris, and her stepsisters, Kim, Khloe, Kourtney, and Kendall, into a pool filled with starving sharks, where they screamed for mercy as they were devoured by dagger-like teeth in great, dismembering mouthfuls. And the sharks gobbled them all UP … even the parts made of plastic. THE END. Oh, Mother, you always know how to pick the most satisfying bedtime stories. I just know I’ll sleep like an angel after this one!”


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Jonathan Kieran is withdrawing from contemporary human society to protest a multitude of offenses against taste and decency, but that doesn’t mean you need to head for the hills. No! Let Mr. Kieran become your Vicarious Hermit, serving all of your needs for solitude and isolated contemplation by proxy, as it were. Otherwise, stick around: some form of epic and expectation-shattering work is slated for release in 2015. News about future books and Jonathan’s in-development multimedia production company will be forthcoming.

For your current reading pleasure, Jonathan is the author of the classically appointed Rowan Blaize books and novels. Visit Mr. Kieran’s Official Facebook Page and give it a “Like” if you are so inclined. Meanwhile . . .

Escape the Imminent Collapse of Civilization, if only for a few hours. A sweeping modern fairy-tale is born with the Rowan Blaize series of works. Click on the book covers to the right or have a look below to learn more.

Watch the Rowan Blaize Book Trailer HERE.

Book One = The magical cornerstone – a lavishly illustrated epic narrative poem … a genuine “spell” for the young and young-at-heart to treasure for a lifetime, telling the story of sorcerer Rowan Blaize’s battle to regain his magic powers. (Think Beowulf-meets-Dr.Seuss or an epic story-in-verse of a scope similar to Tolkien’s soon-to-be-released The Fall of Arthur, only contemporary.)

Book Two = The rip-roaring novel that continues the adventures of Rowan Blaize and introduces the three hilarious witches of the Ancient City, along with its dysfunctional werewolves, wraiths, ghosts, vampires, dryads, banshees and a beauty pageant brat that just might destroy the world.

Book Three = The next novel that finds Rowan trapped by a spell in another world, caught between a faery-squashing sorceress who’ll stop at nothing to conquer the kingdom … and a feisty teenage prince who’s determined to get it back.

Click here to purchase the Kindle e-books and watch a video of Jonathan discussing his work.
__________________________________________
Barnes and Noble
IndieBound
Books-A-Million
Rowan Blaize Official Website
Goodreads

Cindy finds NO correlation between her iPad and increased stupidity …

/ Jonathan Kieran / Leave a comment
"I read the other day in the Wall Street Journal that human beings are becoming more stupid from using computers so much in daily life."

“I just read in the Wall Street Journal that human beings are becoming more stupid due to overreliance on computers.”

"I read the other day in the Wall Street Journal that human beings are becoming more stupid from using computers so much in daily life."

“That’s a buncha crap, though, ‘cuz yesterday I took one of those online tests, and my I.Q. was twenty-one degrees warmer than it was last month. And I’m talking Fahrenheit, not Celsius.


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Jonathan Kieran is withdrawing from contemporary human society to protest a multitude of offenses against taste and decency, but that doesn’t mean you need to head for the hills. No! Let Mr. Kieran become your Vicarious Hermit, serving all of your needs for solitude and isolated contemplation by proxy, as it were. Otherwise, stick around: some form of epic and expectation-shattering work is slated for release in 2015. News about future books and Jonathan’s in-development multimedia production company will be forthcoming.

For your current reading pleasure, Jonathan is the author of the classically appointed Rowan Blaize books and novels. Visit Mr. Kieran’s Official Facebook Page and give it a “Like” if you are so inclined. Meanwhile . . .

Escape the Imminent Collapse of Civilization, if only for a few hours. A sweeping modern fairy-tale is born with the Rowan Blaize series of works. Click on the book covers to the right or have a look below to learn more.

Watch the Rowan Blaize Book Trailer HERE.

Book One = The magical cornerstone – a lavishly illustrated epic narrative poem … a genuine “spell” for the young and young-at-heart to treasure for a lifetime, telling the story of sorcerer Rowan Blaize’s battle to regain his magic powers. (Think Beowulf-meets-Dr.Seuss or an epic story-in-verse of a scope similar to Tolkien’s soon-to-be-released The Fall of Arthur, only contemporary.)

Book Two = The rip-roaring novel that continues the adventures of Rowan Blaize and introduces the three hilarious witches of the Ancient City, along with its dysfunctional werewolves, wraiths, ghosts, vampires, dryads, banshees and a beauty pageant brat that just might destroy the world.

Book Three = The next novel that finds Rowan trapped by a spell in another world, caught between a faery-squashing sorceress who’ll stop at nothing to conquer the kingdom … and a feisty teenage prince who’s determined to get it back.

Click here to purchase the Kindle e-books and watch a video of Jonathan discussing his work.
__________________________________________
Barnes and Noble
IndieBound
Books-A-Million
Rowan Blaize Official Website
Goodreads

There is actually a new virus that makes humans [more] stupid …

/ Jonathan Kieran / Leave a comment
"Barbra, did you hear that scientists have discovered a new virus that makes humans more stupid?"

“My God, Barbra, someone told me they discovered a new virus that makes humans stupid. Is that true?”

"Yeah, it's true. We're supposed to avoid places where the highest concentrations of the disease are evident."

“Yeah, it’s true. Scientists say we must avoid places where the highest concentrations of the disease are evident.”

"What? Like airports? Malls? Restaurants?Churches?"

“What? Like airports? Malls? Restaurants? Churches? Beauty parlors?”

"No. Just internet comments sections."

“No. Internet comments sections.”


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Jonathan Kieran is withdrawing from contemporary human society to protest a multitude of offenses against taste and decency, but that doesn’t mean you need to head for the hills. No! Let Mr. Kieran become your Vicarious Hermit, serving all of your needs for solitude and isolated contemplation by proxy, as it were. Otherwise, stick around: some form of epic and expectation-shattering work is slated for release in 2015. News about future books and Jonathan’s in-development multimedia production company will be forthcoming.

For your current reading pleasure, Jonathan is the author of the classically appointed Rowan Blaize books and novels. Visit Mr. Kieran’s Official Facebook Page and give it a “Like” if you are so inclined. Meanwhile . . .

Escape the Imminent Collapse of Civilization, if only for a few hours. A sweeping modern fairy-tale is born with the Rowan Blaize series of works. Click on the book covers to the right or have a look below to learn more.

Watch the Rowan Blaize Book Trailer HERE.

Book One = The magical cornerstone – a lavishly illustrated epic narrative poem … a genuine “spell” for the young and young-at-heart to treasure for a lifetime, telling the story of sorcerer Rowan Blaize’s battle to regain his magic powers. (Think Beowulf-meets-Dr.Seuss or an epic story-in-verse of a scope similar to Tolkien’s soon-to-be-released The Fall of Arthur, only contemporary.)

Book Two = The rip-roaring novel that continues the adventures of Rowan Blaize and introduces the three hilarious witches of the Ancient City, along with its dysfunctional werewolves, wraiths, ghosts, vampires, dryads, banshees and a beauty pageant brat that just might destroy the world.

Book Three = The next novel that finds Rowan trapped by a spell in another world, caught between a faery-squashing sorceress who’ll stop at nothing to conquer the kingdom … and a feisty teenage prince who’s determined to get it back.

Click here to purchase the Kindle e-books and watch a video of Jonathan discussing his work.
__________________________________________
Barnes and Noble
IndieBound
Books-A-Million
Rowan Blaize Official Website
Goodreads

Because a Mind is a Terrible Thing to Warp … #Nostalgia

/ Jonathan Kieran / Leave a comment
"Enjoy these wholesome moments now, Cindy. Because one day some doctor is going to hook electrodes to your skull and try to zap the memory of forcibly imposed religious guilt, repressed resentment of patriarchal subjugation, and ridiculous matching outfits right out of your precious brain ."

“Mommy’s done her best to craft this little illusion for you, Cindy, so do us a favor and try to live in the damn moment, okay? Trust me: one day some smug psychiatrist is going to erase every memory of imposed religious guilt, patriarchal resentment, and asinine matching outfits right out of your precious skull.”

"Enjoy these wholesome moments now, Cindy. Because one day some doctor is going to hook electrodes to your skull and try to zap the memory of forcibly imposed religious guilt, repressed resentment of patriarchal subjugation, and ridiculous matching outfits right out of your precious brain ."

“That sounds serious, Mommy! Will I still be cheerful enough to enjoy an ice-cold Coca Cola in the wonderful sunshine?”

"Enjoy these wholesome moments now, Cindy. Because one day some doctor is going to hook electrodes to your skull and try to zap the memory of forcibly imposed religious guilt, repressed resentment of patriarchal subjugation, and ridiculous matching outfits right out of your precious brain ."

“Honey, after another ten years with me –and the ensuing shock-treatments required to undo my handiwork– you’ll be lucky if you remember how to use a straw. Drink-up.”


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Jonathan Kieran is slowly withdrawing from contemporary human society in protest against a multitude of offenses against taste and decency, but that doesn’t mean you need to head for the hills. Stick around: some form of epic new work is slated for release in 2015. News in that regard is forthcoming.

Jonathan is currently the author of the classically appointed Rowan Blaize books and novels. Visit Mr. Kieran’s Official Facebook Page and give it a “Like” if you are so inclined. Meanwhile …

Escape the Imminent Collapse of Civilization, if only for a few hours. A sweeping modern fairy-tale is born with the Rowan Blaize series of works. Click on the book covers to the right or have a look below …

Watch the Rowan Blaize Book Trailer HERE.

Book One = The magical cornerstone – a lavishly illustrated epic narrative poem … a genuine “spell” for the young and young-at-heart to treasure for a lifetime, telling the story of sorcerer Rowan Blaize’s battle to regain his magic powers. (Think Beowulf-meets-Dr.Seuss or an epic story-in-verse of a scope similar to Tolkien’s soon-to-be-released The Fall of Arthur, only contemporary.)

Book Two = The rip-roaring novel that continues the adventures of Rowan Blaize and introduces the three hilarious witches of the Ancient City, along with its dysfunctional werewolves, wraiths, ghosts, vampires, dryads, banshees and a beauty pageant brat that just might destroy the world.

Book Three = The next novel that finds Rowan trapped by a spell in another world, caught between a faery-squashing sorceress who’ll stop at nothing to conquer the kingdom … and a feisty teenage prince who’s determined to get it back.

Click here to purchase the Kindle e-books and watch a video of Jonathan discussing his work.
__________________________________________
Barnes and Noble
IndieBound
Books-A-Million
Rowan Blaize Official Website
Goodreads

When a delicate, pristine dewdrop graces the world …

/ Jonathan Kieran / Leave a comment
"Oh, look up there on the big-screen TV, Thelma. It's that demure little pop-songstress, Nicki Minaj, on the cover of her new record."

“Oh, look up there on the big-screen TV, Thelma! It’s the pop-songstress, Nicki Minaj, on the cover of her new record.”

conclusion gossip

"You know, I think it's wonderful that a sense of mystery and understatement is making a comeback in the entertainment world, don't you?"

“You know, I think it’s wonderful that a sense of mystery and understatement is finally making a comeback in the entertainment world, don’t you?”

Uber Whore
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Jonathan Kieran is slowly withdrawing from contemporary human society in protest against a myriad of offenses against taste and decency, but his epic new novel is slated for release in 2015. Stay tuned for more news about the book in coming months.

Jonathan is also the author of the classically appointed Rowan Blaize series of modern fairy-tales and novels. Visit Jonathan Kieran’s Official Facebook Page and give it a “Like,” if you are so inclined. Meanwhile …

Escape the Imminent Collapse of Civilization, if only for a few hours. A sweeping modern fairy-tale is born with the Rowan Blaize series of books. Click on the book covers to the right or have a look below …

Watch the Rowan Blaize Book Trailer HERE.

Book One = The magical cornerstone – a lavishly illustrated epic narrative poem … a genuine “spell” for the young and young-at-heart to treasure for a lifetime, telling the story of sorcerer Rowan Blaize’s battle to regain his magic powers. (Think Beowulf-meets-Dr.Seuss or an epic story-in-verse of a scope similar to Tolkien’s soon-to-be-released The Fall of Arthur, only contemporary.)

Book Two = The rip-roaring novel that continues the adventures of Rowan Blaize and introduces the three hilarious witches of the Ancient City, along with its dysfunctional werewolves, wraiths, ghosts, vampires, dryads, banshees and a beauty pageant brat that just might destroy the world.

Book Three = The next novel that finds Rowan trapped by a spell in another world, caught between a faery-squashing sorceress who’ll stop at nothing to conquer the kingdom … and a feisty teenage prince who’s determined to get it back.

Click here to purchase the Kindle e-books and watch a video of Jonathan discussing his work.
__________________________________________
Barnes and Noble
IndieBound
Books-A-Million
Rowan Blaize Official Website
Goodreads

Reality TV is the Butt-Thermometer: American Society is the Fevered Orifice…

/ Jonathan Kieran / Leave a comment
"I thought American culture could not sink any lower, Barbra, and then I learn that MTV is about to produce a reality show centered upon young women competing to lose their virginity. So degrading! What's next in this sick society, I ask you--Cannibals Wars of LA County?"

“You know, I thought our culture could sink no lower, Barbra, and then I learned from those demure and highly intellectual ladies on The View that MTV is producing a reality show about young women competing to lose their virginity. Can you believe it? Well, it’s time for my family to get rid of the television set. I mean, what’s next in this sick society–Cannibal Cook-Offs of Calaveras County?”

conclusion gossip

"Come to think of it, Barbra, if a cannibal reality series featured that tubby schmuck from Diners, Drive-Ins & Dives roasting one or two Kardashians over a BBQ-pit, I'd bankroll the Emmy campaign myself."

“Come to think of it, Barbra, if a cannibal reality series featured that tubby schmuck from Diners, Drive-Ins & Dives roasting even one of the Kardashians over a BBQ-pit, I’d bankroll the Emmy campaign myself.”

conclusion gossip
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Jonathan Kieran is slowly withdrawing from contemporary human society in protest against a myriad of offenses against taste and decency, but his epic new novel is slated for release in 2015. Stay tuned for more news about the book in coming months.

Jonathan is also the author of the classically appointed Rowan Blaize series of modern fairy-tales and novels. Visit Jonathan Kieran’s Official Facebook Page and give it a “Like,” if you are so inclined. Meanwhile …

Escape the Imminent Collapse of Civilization, if only for a few hours. A sweeping modern fairy-tale is born with the Rowan Blaize series of books. Click on the book covers to the right or have a look below …

Watch the Rowan Blaize Book Trailer HERE.

Book One = The magical cornerstone – a lavishly illustrated epic narrative poem … a genuine “spell” for the young and young-at-heart to treasure for a lifetime, telling the story of sorcerer Rowan Blaize’s battle to regain his magic powers. (Think Beowulf-meets-Dr.Seuss or an epic story-in-verse of a scope similar to Tolkien’s soon-to-be-released The Fall of Arthur, only contemporary.)

Book Two = The rip-roaring novel that continues the adventures of Rowan Blaize and introduces the three hilarious witches of the Ancient City, along with its dysfunctional werewolves, wraiths, ghosts, vampires, dryads, banshees and a beauty pageant brat that just might destroy the world.

Book Three = The next novel that finds Rowan trapped by a spell in another world, caught between a faery-squashing sorceress who’ll stop at nothing to conquer the kingdom … and a feisty teenage prince who’s determined to get it back.

Click here to purchase the Kindle e-books and watch a video of Jonathan discussing his work.
__________________________________________
Barnes and Noble
IndieBound
Books-A-Million
Rowan Blaize Official Website
Goodreads

Privacy in the Age of Technology? #Fuggedaboudit

/ Jonathan Kieran / Leave a comment
"I'm not kidding, Tina. The other night while I was changing into my nightgown, I looked outside and there was this big, horrible DRONE just staring into my bedroom window, taking pictures."

“I’m not kidding, Tina. The other night while I was changing my clothes, I looked outside and there was this big, horrible DRONE just staring into my bedroom window, taking pictures!”

conclusion gossip

"Of course, this is not the first time my Douglas has acted a bit weird since the vasectomy."

“Of course, this is not the first time my Douglas has acted a bit weird since the vasectomy.”

conclusion gossip
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An epic new novel by Jonathan Kieran is slated for release in 2015. Stay tuned for more news about the book in coming months.

Jonathan is also the author of the classically appointed Rowan Blaize series of modern fairy-tales and novels. Visit Jonathan Kieran’s Official Facebook Page and give it a “Like,” if you are so inclined. Meanwhile …

Escape the Imminent Collapse of Civilization, if only for a few hours. A sweeping modern fairy-tale is born with the Rowan Blaize series of books. Click on the book covers to the right or have a look below …

Watch the Rowan Blaize Book Trailer HERE.

Book One = The magical cornerstone – a lavishly illustrated epic narrative poem … a genuine “spell” for the young and young-at-heart to treasure for a lifetime, telling the story of sorcerer Rowan Blaize’s battle to regain his magic powers. (Think Beowulf-meets-Dr.Seuss or an epic story-in-verse of a scope similar to Tolkien’s soon-to-be-released The Fall of Arthur, only contemporary.)

Book Two = The rip-roaring novel that continues the adventures of Rowan Blaize and introduces the three hilarious witches of the Ancient City, along with its dysfunctional werewolves, wraiths, ghosts, vampires, dryads, banshees and a beauty pageant brat that just might destroy the world.

Book Three = The next novel that finds Rowan trapped by a spell in another world, caught between a faery-squashing sorceress who’ll stop at nothing to conquer the kingdom … and a feisty teenage prince who’s determined to get it back.

Click here to purchase the Kindle e-books and watch a video of Jonathan discussing his work.
__________________________________________
Barnes and Noble
IndieBound
Books-A-Million
Rowan Blaize Official Website
Goodreads