Classic Kid-Kibble from Yesteryear! by Jonathan Kieran

POP HAZMAT-RETRO presents CLASSIC KID-KIBBLE from YESTERYEAR by JONATHAN KIERAN

TODAY’S DUBIOUS HONOREE: BOO BERRY CRUNCH CEREAL (General Mills)

Wimpy Casper's dangerous "gangster" uncle pushing sugar-highs by the box? Probably.

Wimpy Casper’s dangerous “gangster” uncle pushing sugar-highs by the box? Probably.

RUDIMENTARY ANALYSIS: As one of a trilogy of “monster-themed” cereals introduced by General Mills in the mid-1970s (along with Frankenberry and Count Chocula) Boo Berry Crunch was touted by its makers as “the first cereal to ever taste like blueberries.”

I have some good friends who operate one of those organic fruit farms here in Northern California. These fine people wouldn’t let so much as one luvin’ spoonful of Boo Berry Crunch pass their sustainable lips, but if they did, they would assure the world that Boo Berry Crunch did not taste remotely like blueberries. As I recall, Boo Berry Crunch tasted like crystallized drops of sugary summer sky that came to earth when a flying unicorn was strangled with the blue ribbon of a rainbow after a thunderstorm. Yeah, that’s what they tasted like. That and a slight nuance of Selsun Blue dandruff shampoo. I always wondered if there might have been a connection.

In any case, kids certainly overlooked any faint chemical undertones that might’ve been detectable in Boo Berry Crunch because, like any classic “gimmick cereal” of the 1980s, it contained enough high fructose corn syrup to keep you bouncing off the walls, swinging on the jungle-gym and running the streets like a fevered Tasmanian Devil until dusk. Cereals like Boo Berry Crunch were, however, the bane of conscientious mothers and their wheedling children. A mother with two brain cells to rub together wouldn’t let you go near the stuff, no matter how much you pleaded for “just one box,” dancing around in your duck-feet jammies.

“Those are junk cereals!” my mother would declare. “That stuff is bad for you. Here, have some of this Cream of Wheat.”

“I hate Cream of Wheat! You gotta put half the sugar-bowl on it to get it down.”

“Cream of Wheat is wholesome!” Mother would parry. “It’ll make you grow up big and strong.”

“I don’t wanna be big and strong. I want to taste that sweet Boo Berry goodness on my tongue. It’s fortified with two essential vitamins … and iron!”

“Oh, the company just puts that on the box because the government makes them do it. There’s no vitamins in that garbage. And you don’t need to eat cereals promoted by ghosts. Ghosts are the spirits of the dead. Boo Berry Crunch is nothing but necromancy in a brightly colored box. Do you know what that means?”

“Yeah, yeah. Deuteronomy says it’s the stuff Satan feeds his demon-spawn down in Hell. But can’t we just get one box? As a treat?”

“NO! Here, try a bowl of these nice Grape Nuts.”

“Mommy, no! ANYTHING but Grape Nuts! My gums will hemorrhage!”

It never worked, our pleas for Boo Berry Crunch, especially when Mother was in a spiritual phase. Sure, Boo Berry Crunch was probably “of the devil,” just like she claimed, but we didn’t fear hellfire all that much at age six and neither, apparently, did our next door neighbor, Barbra Smith. Barbra and her derelict boyfriend, Hank, were nice enough folks. Sometimes, on summer weekends, we were even allowed to play with their kids or camp out overnight in their yard while Barb and Hank knocked back whiskey sours and staggered across the patio to the sound of old Beach Boys records. The next morning, Barbara Smith never felt much like going through the complicated series of motions required to produce a pan of Cream of Wheat. That’s because she could barely stand. When we stormed her bedroom begging for breakfast, she’d throw a few pillows or maybe a pack of cigarettes at us and pull the covers over her head, groaning about the light in the room.

“It burns! It burns!” she would rasp.

Then she’d tell us to look under the kitchen sink and get the hell out of her hair, already.

Barbra Smith’s cupboards were stocked with every form of sugar-saturated kid kibble that a much sought-after rural hairdresser’s money could buy. Boo Berry Crunch was always prominently featured and we would end-up stuffing ourselves to the brink of diabetic comas until Barb and Hank finally drifted out of their bedroom around noon and started rummaging in the fridge for Bloody Mary fixings. By that time, we didn’t care about Saturday morning Adult Invasions. Our bellies were full and our minds were tweaking on Bugs Bunny reruns. My experience of forbidden Devil Cereals –along with the bliss of carefree childhood– was complete.

Thank God for alcoholic neighborhood moms.

WHERE ARE THEY NOW?: Mothers (even drunken ones, apparently) got wise with the advent of the Information Super-Highway and thus all of the brain-rotting, tooth-emulsifying treats like Boo Berry Crunch swiftly went the way of the Twinkie. May they rest in pieces.

EXPERIENCE THE MAGIC: Part of the appeal of Boo Berry Crunch stemmed from the fact that it was one of the popular junk cereals fronted by a monster. Few kids in my day could resist the imprecations of a monster that promised a reliable sugar-high. Boo Berry Crunch had an extra advantage because my friends and I couldn’t stand that mealy-mouthed wimpy wonder, Casper the Friendly Ghost. “Boo” of Boo Berry Crunch, on the other hand, looked like he could’ve been Casper’s seedy, criminal uncle who earned a living as a supernatural bookie at some Ghostly Greyhound race track, or maybe as an inner-city loan shark. Boo was villainous and kind of “Peter Lorre henchman” creepy and that made you feel like a rule-breaking rebel, a real “bad boy” when you tore into a bowl of the good stuff Boo was pushing. What red-blooded American boy could have resisted that? Behold the very first General Mills commercial for Boo Berry Crunch cereal … in all of its Boo Berry Splendor.
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Jonathan Kieran is the author of the Rowan Blaize series of epic contemporary fantasy books (Brightbourne 2012), as well as the critically acclaimed (Midwestern Book Review, Manhattan Book Review) Confessions From The Comments Section: The Secret Lives of Internet Commenters and Other Pop-Culture Zombies. His work has also been featured on The Daily Dot.com and in a plethora of other ‘zines, papers, and alt-weeklies. Click on the book covers above and to the right if you want to learn more about Jonathan’s titles and perhaps spend some of your hard-earned money on his multi-formatted gifts to the human race.
Jonathan is currently writing and illustrating a new masterpiece of epic dimensions. Drop-in once in awhile for updates. Mr. Kieran promises to provide them, but only once in awhile, because he doesn’t get paid to blog endlessly and believes that any “writer” who gives-away a lot of stuff for free is a Wattpadder or a Smashworder.

When all else fails, pose with an electrified cat. #Standards

Lately I am loathe to play any sort of role as just one more babbling voice in what I call the “Great Cacophony” — this seemingly infinite and overloaded universe of disparate, narcissistic voices clamoring and competing for attention in the cyber realm and elsewhere. I do not want to become one of those paragons of vanity who bombards fellow human beings with pointless and banal quips, quotes, updates, adages, jokes, links, sound-bites, snippets, essays, recipes, shout-outs, opinions, ejaculations, emanations, contemplations, and all manner of self-absorbed and/or self-serving eruptions that, in general, amount to little more than a truly apocalyptic trumpet-blast of garden-variety flatulence accosting the already befuddled senses of Earth’s inhabitants.

Too many people are making too much noise … when so precious few have anything truly valuable to say.

Be that as it may, the masses will always determine what does or does not possess inherent value, and what merits enthusiastic adulation and attention — divided or undivided. Admittedly, the track-record of “the masses” in this regard has been (and remains) rather spotty throughout the history of civilization, cf. Witch-burning, Vegemite, Fifty Shades of Gray, Velveeta, A Walk to Remember, The Kardashians, etc. etc.

Nevertheless, it behooves any true artist in this potentially cataclysmic epoch to let his or her work speak for itself, without the frightful din of too much self-obsessed explanation or the adornment of superfluous exposition. Create and reveal, then let the precious chips of widespread approval or acclaim fall where they will, that’s what I say! I have learned few greater lessons in life than this one: people do indeed define “success” quite differently and according to their own measure of personal happiness and satisfaction.

It is for this reason that, keeping in mind the noble self-restraint about which I have so eloquently pontificated, I shall henceforth endeavor to promote and market my work solely by the means of posting naked and near-naked super-duper sexy photos of myself.

The rest can be managed by a particularly loquacious and over-caffeinated publicist.

Standards, after all, have got to start counting for something, again.

Happy November, y’all.

Yours Truly, Halloween 2014, The Clift Hotel Party, San Francisco. (Don't know who the electrified cat was, but few could keep their paws off me that night. Must have been the hat ...)

Yours Truly, Halloween 2014, The Clift Hotel Party, San Francisco. (Don’t know who the electrified cat was, but few could keep their paws off me that night. Must have been the hat …)


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Jonathan Kieran is withdrawing from contemporary human society to protest a multitude of offenses against taste and decency, but that doesn’t mean you need to head for the hills. No! Let Mr. Kieran become your Vicarious Hermit, serving all of your needs for solitude and isolated contemplation by proxy, as it were. Otherwise, stick around: some form of epic and expectation-shattering work is slated for release in 2015. News about future books and Jonathan’s in-development multimedia production company will be forthcoming.

For your current reading pleasure, Jonathan is the author of the classically appointed Rowan Blaize books and novels. Visit Mr. Kieran’s Official Facebook Page and give it a “Like” if you are so inclined. Meanwhile . . .

Escape the Imminent Collapse of Civilization, if only for a few hours. A sweeping modern fairy-tale is born with the Rowan Blaize series of works. Click on the book covers to the right or have a look below to learn more.

Watch the Rowan Blaize Book Trailer HERE.

Book One = The magical cornerstone – a lavishly illustrated epic narrative poem … a genuine “spell” for the young and young-at-heart to treasure for a lifetime, telling the story of sorcerer Rowan Blaize’s battle to regain his magic powers. (Think Beowulf-meets-Dr.Seuss or an epic story-in-verse of a scope similar to Tolkien’s soon-to-be-released The Fall of Arthur, only contemporary.)

Book Two = The rip-roaring novel that continues the adventures of Rowan Blaize and introduces the three hilarious witches of the Ancient City, along with its dysfunctional werewolves, wraiths, ghosts, vampires, dryads, banshees and a beauty pageant brat that just might destroy the world.

Book Three = The next novel that finds Rowan trapped by a spell in another world, caught between a faery-squashing sorceress who’ll stop at nothing to conquer the kingdom … and a feisty teenage prince who’s determined to get it back.

Click here to purchase the Kindle e-books and watch a video of Jonathan discussing his work.
__________________________________________
Barnes and Noble
IndieBound
Books-A-Million
Rowan Blaize Official Website
Goodreads

Reality TV is the Butt-Thermometer: American Society is the Fevered Orifice…

"I thought American culture could not sink any lower, Barbra, and then I learn that MTV is about to produce a reality show centered upon young women competing to lose their virginity. So degrading! What's next in this sick society, I ask you--Cannibals Wars of LA County?"

“You know, I thought our culture could sink no lower, Barbra, and then I learned from those demure and highly intellectual ladies on The View that MTV is producing a reality show about young women competing to lose their virginity. Can you believe it? Well, it’s time for my family to get rid of the television set. I mean, what’s next in this sick society–Cannibal Cook-Offs of Calaveras County?”

conclusion gossip

"Come to think of it, Barbra, if a cannibal reality series featured that tubby schmuck from Diners, Drive-Ins & Dives roasting one or two Kardashians over a BBQ-pit, I'd bankroll the Emmy campaign myself."

“Come to think of it, Barbra, if a cannibal reality series featured that tubby schmuck from Diners, Drive-Ins & Dives roasting even one of the Kardashians over a BBQ-pit, I’d bankroll the Emmy campaign myself.”

conclusion gossip
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Jonathan Kieran is slowly withdrawing from contemporary human society in protest against a myriad of offenses against taste and decency, but his epic new novel is slated for release in 2015. Stay tuned for more news about the book in coming months.

Jonathan is also the author of the classically appointed Rowan Blaize series of modern fairy-tales and novels. Visit Jonathan Kieran’s Official Facebook Page and give it a “Like,” if you are so inclined. Meanwhile …

Escape the Imminent Collapse of Civilization, if only for a few hours. A sweeping modern fairy-tale is born with the Rowan Blaize series of books. Click on the book covers to the right or have a look below …

Watch the Rowan Blaize Book Trailer HERE.

Book One = The magical cornerstone – a lavishly illustrated epic narrative poem … a genuine “spell” for the young and young-at-heart to treasure for a lifetime, telling the story of sorcerer Rowan Blaize’s battle to regain his magic powers. (Think Beowulf-meets-Dr.Seuss or an epic story-in-verse of a scope similar to Tolkien’s soon-to-be-released The Fall of Arthur, only contemporary.)

Book Two = The rip-roaring novel that continues the adventures of Rowan Blaize and introduces the three hilarious witches of the Ancient City, along with its dysfunctional werewolves, wraiths, ghosts, vampires, dryads, banshees and a beauty pageant brat that just might destroy the world.

Book Three = The next novel that finds Rowan trapped by a spell in another world, caught between a faery-squashing sorceress who’ll stop at nothing to conquer the kingdom … and a feisty teenage prince who’s determined to get it back.

Click here to purchase the Kindle e-books and watch a video of Jonathan discussing his work.
__________________________________________
Barnes and Noble
IndieBound
Books-A-Million
Rowan Blaize Official Website
Goodreads

Lunch-Hour w/ Bob & Sheila … #endisnear

"Bob, my girlfriends and I were talking the other night about the way American society is crumbling at before our very eyes. The culture has become nothing but a rancid river of festering sewage flooding the banks of an already warped paradigm. The zeitgeist is about to burst from its diseased outer-skin and infect all of us with the cataclysmic funk of terminal shadenfreude."

“So Bob, my girlfriends and I were talking the other night about the way American society is crumbling before our eyes. The culture has become nothing but a rancid river of festering sewage flooding the banks of an already warped paradigm. The zeitgeist is about to burst from its diseased outer-skin and infect us all with the cataclysmic funk of terminal shadenfreude.”

"Wow, Sheila, I didn't realize you girls pondered such moral conundrums over Pinot Grigio. I thought heavy topics bored you. I'm impressed."

“Wow, Sheila, I didn’t know you girls pondered such meaty moral conundrums over Pinot Grigio and Chex-Mix. Heavy topics usually bore you. I’m impressed.”

"Thanks, Bob. You'd be surprised to know how invasively the girls and I probe the existential ramifications of widespread sociological degradation. We are likewise determined to do something tangible to stem the fetid tide of vulgarity and callous indifference that surrounds us all like a billowing doom-shroud."

“Thanks, Bob. You’d be surprised to know how invasively the girls and I probe the existential ramifications of widespread sociological degradation. We are likewise determined to do something tangible to stem the fetid tide of vulgarity and callous indifference that surrounds us like a billowing doom-shroud. We want to make a difference!”

"The soup-kitchen downtown is desperate for dinner-hour volunteers every Friday night from six to nine."

“Well, the soup-kitchen downtown is desperate for volunteers every Friday night from six to nine.”

"And miss an episode of the Kardashians? What kind of crazy goddamned idea is that?"

“And miss an episode of the Kardashians? What kind of crazy goddamned idea is that?”


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Jonathan Kieran’s new novel is slated for release in Fall 2014. Look for news about the release here and at Amazon.com in the coming weeks and months.

Jonathan is also the author of the classically appointed Rowan Blaize series of modern fairy-tales and novels. Visit Jonathan Kieran’s Official Facebook Page and give it a “Like,” if you are so inclined. Meanwhile …

Escape the Imminent Collapse of Civilization, if only for a few hours. A sweeping modern fairy-tale is born with the Rowan Blaize series of books. Click on the book covers to the right or have a look below …

Watch the Rowan Blaize Book Trailer HERE.

Book One = The magical cornerstone – a lavishly illustrated epic narrative poem … a genuine “spell” for the young and young-at-heart to treasure for a lifetime, telling the story of sorcerer Rowan Blaize’s battle to regain his magic powers. (Think Beowulf-meets-Dr.Seuss or an epic story-in-verse of a scope similar to Tolkien’s soon-to-be-released The Fall of Arthur, only contemporary.)

Book Two = The rip-roaring novel that continues the adventures of Rowan Blaize and introduces the three hilarious witches of the Ancient City, along with its dysfunctional werewolves, wraiths, ghosts, vampires, dryads, banshees and a beauty pageant brat that just might destroy the world.

Book Three = The next novel that finds Rowan trapped by a spell in another world, caught between a faery-squashing sorceress who’ll stop at nothing to conquer the kingdom … and a feisty teenage prince who’s determined to get it back.

Click here to purchase the Kindle e-books and watch a video of Jonathan discussing his work.
__________________________________________
Barnes and Noble
IndieBound
Books-A-Million
Rowan Blaize Official Website
Goodreads

Gentlemen, Start Your … er … fill your glasses. #holidaybooze

"Good heavens, you Americans need so much affirmation. In my day one was 'affirmed' by a properly cooked egg delivered promptly to one's bedside by a clean servant, with a bit of toast and jam on the side. Even so, here's to wonderful women this 4th of July -- wherever they come from, however they live, whatever they look like, whomever they love, and whatever they do for work. Yep. All of them. (Oh. Wait ... may I qualify that statement ...)

“Good heavens, you Americans need so much affirmation. In my day, one was ‘affirmed’ by a properly cooked egg delivered promptly to one’s bedside by a reasonably clean servant, with a bit of toast and jam on the side! Even so, here’s to wonderful women this 4th of July — wherever they come from, however they live, whatever they look like, whomever they love, and whatever they do for work. Yep. All of them. Oh. Wait … may I qualify that statement …

For the lovely lovely darling souls who actually follow the HazMat I do indeed want to note a couple of things:

1. I am deep in the entrails of completing a new novel, so this is why I am whittling things down to tart little Downton Abbey photos with the poor Dowager Countess (yeah, right … “poor”) being made to say all sorts of things she would probably say, anyhow, if she were real and living amongst us.

2. Until I complete the new manuscript, expect short blog entries … and by all means have a safe, happy and hilarious 4th of July if you live in the USA or if you are celebrating abroad. I always believe a broad should be celebrated more than anything else on this earth. Don’t quote me on that, quote Sinatra: “She was one helluva broad.”

Wouldn’t it be sort of nice if we could curtail just a teensy-weensy bit (just a little …) of the PC bullshit and freely honor all the great broads in our lives?

Here’s to wonderful women this 4th of July — wherever they come from, however they live, whatever they look like, whomever they love, whatever they do for work. Yep. All of them. (Oh. Wait. Not the Kardashians. They are not to be celebrated or respected. Ever.* That will never change, here.)

More importantly: please keep the families and loved-ones of the firefighters who gave/lost their lives in Arizona in your prayers/thoughts/good feelings/positive emanations as you enjoy the company of your own sweet loved-ones in the next few days. All or any of the above-mentioned efforts have real power, dear friends. Believe me. You don’t have to be Christian, Buddhist, Pagan or even believe in anything for your LOVING THOUGHTS to make a difference in this world.

Heroes always rock, but they especially rock on July 4. God (or Goddess) Bless.

~Jonathan Kieran

* I shouldn’t say “never’ or “ever.” It may change if the mother-baboon comes out and says, “Yeah, sure, I held the camera and filmed my own daughter getting pissed-on and pummeled by some dude because we all wanted fast money and we were willing to debase ourselves shamelessly to achieve that goal, again and again and again and again. Now look at my girl. She walks around like she’s untainted virgin royalty from some trendy European principality, but I gotta tell ya: Lately, people are sayin’ that when she walks into a room, you can smell the scent of death. Yeah, I’m talking plague-type shit. Leprosy on the ass of a demon shit. They say she smells like the ghoul that walks into the party in that Masque of the Red Death shit that the Pope wrote. Or Edgar Allen Pope. Who knows? I got an education, but of course I laughed at it and chucked it down the can like anybody else does. Ha ha. I dunno. Our actions probably did not advance the cause of women around the world, due to our abject and deliberately calculated** whoredom. Who can say? Is that what you want me to say? Fine. I’ll say it. Now pay me or I’ll cut your friggin’ throat from ear to ear.”

** Yes, the mother-baboon is more than rancid enough to hypothetically employ a redundancy like “deliberately calculated.”

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If you’re bored and don’t have any Japanese eyeballs to lick, hop on over to Jonathan Kieran’s Official Facebook Page and give it a Like!

Escape the Imminent Collapse of Civilization, Friends, if only for a few hours. A sweeping modern fairy-tale is born with the Rowan Blaize series of books. Click on the book covers to the right or have a look below …

Watch the Rowan Blaize Book Trailer HERE.

Book One = The magical cornerstone – a lavishly illustrated epic narrative poem … a genuine “spell” for the young and young-at-heart to treasure for a lifetime, telling the story of sorcerer Rowan Blaize’s battle to regain his magic powers. (Think Beowulf-meets-Dr.Seuss or an epic story-in-verse of a scope similar to Tolkien’s soon-to-be-released The Fall of Arthur, only contemporary.)

Book Two = The rip-roaring novel that continues the adventures of Rowan Blaize and introduces the three hilarious witches of the Ancient City, along with its dysfunctional werewolves, wraiths, ghosts, vampires, dryads, banshees and a beauty pageant brat that just might destroy the world.

Book Three = The next novel that finds Rowan trapped by a spell in another world, caught between a faery-squashing sorceress who’ll stop at nothing to conquer the kingdom … and a feisty teenage prince who’s determined to get it back.

Click here to purchase the Kindle e-books and watch a video of Jonathan discussing his work.
__________________________________________
Barnes and Noble
IndieBound
Books-A-Million
Rowan Blaize Official Website
Goodreads

POP HAZMAT HEADLINE du JOUR: “TAN MOM” Releases Music Video. Asteroid Approaches Earth in Nick of Time.

GOODREADS MEMBERS Click Here for a Chance to Win a Giveaway Copy of Rowan Blaize and the Hand of Djin Rummy by Jonathan Kieran. The Contest runs until June 10!

Watch the Rowan Blaize Book Trailer HERE.
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HAZMAT HEADLINE DU JOUR: “TAN MOM” Releases Music Video. Asteroid Approaches Earth in Nick of Time. Posted by JONATHAN KIERAN

Click the Pic to watch a life-changing masterpiece of American entertainment culture that's certain to garner Kennedy Center honors within a decade ... if not sooner.

Click the Pic to watch a life-changing masterpiece of American entertainment culture that’s certain to garner Kennedy Center honors within a decade … if not sooner.

CULTURAL TOXICITY QUOTIENT: NOT EVEN QUANTIFIABLE

RUDIMENTARY ANALYSIS: Our putrefying culture remains one in which disreputable dirtbags (who ought to be relegated to the desolate Fringes of Chaos) feel quite encouraged to flaunt their willfully degraded, deliberately vulgar and aggressively shameless selves on film, as if mainstream society had thrown-down a “Welcome” mat and had extended to these reprobates a permanent invitation to drop-in unannounced for cocktails. Wait. Did I say: “as if society had …”? Excuse the blunder. Mainstream society has thrown-down the “Welcome” mat for these derelicts … and the mat is swiftly becoming a red carpet.

EXISTENTIAL RAMIFICATIONS: The asteroid can’t get here swiftly enough and it may miss the globe altogether. Bummer.

Is it just me or does the complexion of that asteroid's face look eerily familiar?

Is it just me or does the complexion of that asteroid’s face look eerily familiar?

TAKE-AWAY QUOTE: “I’m tan mom, bitch! I’m the cool one. I’ll give you a treat, to see my goodies browned.”

THERAPEUTIC CINEMA: The Road (2009) To evoke a landscape where “Tan Mom” will hopefully be found one day, wandering aimlessly with a thermos of tequila until she stumbles unaware into an encampment of starving cannibals and slovenly offers to shake her “goodies browned” for their entertainment. Please. Someone make that movie and give her a graphic cameo. I’ll be the one down in the front row with a jumbo-sized popcorn and a bag of Red Vines.

DETOX DINNER: This is a no-brainer. Go to the market and buy yourself one of those hot, greasy, fully-cooked and hormone-injected rotisserie chickens. It’ll be like having your very own “Tan Mom” over for dinner. Literally. The two are virtually indistinguishable. See for yourself …

rotchick tanskank

FURTHER READING: Divine Carnage … so you can read about the Emperor Caligula and his particular era. Don’t worry: if you’re currently living in the United States of America, you’ll feel right at home with this book. Everything will be uncannily familiar. In fact, you’ll be wondering when they’ll get to the part of the story where “Tan Mom” is awarded a seat in the Senate!

_______________________________________

Escape the Imminent Collapse of Civilization, Friends, if only for a few hours. A sweeping modern fairy-tale is born with the Rowan Blaize series of books. Click on the book covers to the right or have a look below …

Book One = The magical cornerstone – a lavishly illustrated epic narrative poem … a genuine “spell” for the young and young-at-heart to treasure for a lifetime, telling the story of sorcerer Rowan Blaize’s battle to regain his magic powers. (Think Beowulf-meets-Dr.Seuss or an epic story-in-verse of a scope similar to Tolkien’s soon-to-be-released The Fall of Arthur, only contemporary.)

Book Two = The rip-roaring novel that continues the adventures of Rowan Blaize and introduces the three hilarious witches of the Ancient City, along with its dysfunctional werewolves, wraiths, ghosts, vampires, dryads, banshees and a beauty pageant brat that might just destroy the world.

Book Three = The next novel that finds Rowan trapped by a spell in another world, caught between a faery-squashing sorceress who’ll stop at nothing to conquer the kingdom … and a feisty teenage prince who’s determined to get it back.

Click here to purchase the Kindle e-books and watch a video of Jonathan discussing his work.
__________________________________________
Barnes and Noble
IndieBound
Books-A-Million
Rowan Blaize Official Website
Goodreads