This Might Elicit a Scream or Two …

Scroll down in the article to have a gander at some kids who stumbled upon a highly venomous Sydney Funnel Web spider. You’ll also enjoy numerous looks at the spider itself. That’ll get one’s adrenalin going … and arrest the ability to breathe, if it bit you. The Dad who rescued his little rugrats seems pretty chill about it all, too. Those unflappable Aussies.

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#SydneyFunnelWebSpider #AuthorJonathanKieran #JonathanKieran #WriterJonathanKieran #CaliforniaLife #OnTheEdge #Wistwood #JonathanKieranTheAuthor #JonathanKieranMusic #JonathanKieranNewAlbum #JonathanKieranArtist #Jericho #JonathanKieranJericho #JerichoAlbum #WritersOfInstagram #ArtistsOfInstagram #AuthorsOfInstagram 

The Answer is …

NO.

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#Dinosaurs #Intelligence #SmartAsCrowsMaybe #AuthorJonathanKieran #JonathanKieran #WriterJonathanKieran #CaliforniaLife #OnTheEdge #Wistwood #JonathanKieranTheAuthor #JonathanKieranMusic #JonathanKieranNewAlbum #JonathanKieranArtist #Jericho #JonathanKieranJericho #JerichoAlbum #WritersOfInstagram #ArtistsOfInstagram #AuthorsOfInstagram

And the Greatest Hits Keep On Rolling

It’s hardly a secret that, from North to South, the State of California is getting its butt kicked by wave after wave of “atmospheric river” storms that are taking out roads, obliterating coastlines, bursting dams, flooding riverbanks, and generally contributing the to wanton proliferation of mold in structures both domestic and governmental. Of course, no entrenched politician has yet been washed out to sea, to my present knowledge, so this remains an unforgivable liability to the entire storm systems. When a walled and guarded estate belonging to some greedy, grasping potentate has been swept into the Pacific along with its owner, swirling into a salty vortex as ravenous as Charybdis or Scylla (rather than simply swirling around the toilet bowl, as usual) we shall rethink our assessment of this storm as one worthy of being labeled, “particularly cleansing.”

Meanwhile, have a look at what Mama Nature is doing to moribund spots like Santa Cruz and Capitola. It’s a start!

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#CaliforniaDreaming #AtmosphericRivers #StormsOfTheCentury

Oh, My Sides (And Possibly the Majority of My Torso)

I do not believe for a nanosecond that these divers/cinematographers have stumbled upon a foolproof way to prevent being attacked by 20ft. great white sharks while free-diving with them. Their method involves swimming directly headlong toward the shark’s gargantuan mouth while the great white is heading toward them. Yeah, that’s a genius move. One of these brain-trusts claims, “If you remain stationary in the water, you’re dead.” How the hell would he know? Did he remain stationary in the water as a monster great white approached and end-up dead (thus fully eliminating the possibly that he would live to tell people that remaining stationary guarantees death-by-shark in open water.) Please! Has anyone ever seen a seal swim directly toward a shark’s mouth while being approached? No. They perform acrobatic evasive maneuvers to the sides while keeping the shark well in sight.

What sort of ganja do these adrenalin-junkies smoke before plunging into the oceans? Forget about how stupid they might be, how stupid do they think we are? There are documented cases of people leaping off boats for a dive and landing right into the waiting jaws of big white sharks. Kinda puts paid to the “swim straight for their jaws” strategy. Humans.

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#GreatWhiteSharks #FreeDiving #QuestionableTactics #DontTryThisAtHome #AuthorJonathanKieran #JonathanKieran #WriterJonathanKieran #CaliforniaLife #OnTheEdge #Wistwood #JonathanKieranTheAuthor #JonathanKieranMusic #JonathanKieranNewAlbum #JonathanKieranArtist #Jericho #JonathanKieranJericho #JerichoAlbum #WritersOfInstagram #ArtistsOfInstagram #AuthorsOfInstagram 

Giant Bavarian Cream Spiders

Oh, give me a break. At least twice a year, some little market in England or Europe thrusts itself into the news because the large, gangly corpse of a South American wandering spider is discovered stuck between some buxom Frau’s bananas.

I don’t know why European importers don’t frisk their fruit properly before it gets off the boat, but, yes, a massive, dead arachnid will occasionally show-up in Gretel’s bag of kiwis or plantains. She screams, “Mein Gott in Himmel!” drops her bag containing 47 different varieties of bread, clasps her enormous Aryan bosoms and threatens to faint.

But it’s much ado about zilch. The spindly, deceased spider captured so breathlessly in this article was not one of the notoriously venomous members of the Phoneutria species. It was just a hairy jungle spider. Even if it had been alive, the most it could do is leap upon Brunhilde’s Bazooms, bite her on the Munich Melons and she would have grabbed it in her fingers, smushed it to grease, and continued with her shopping, gathering items to make apfelkuchken. Trust me: I know my bountifully breasted German women and they are NOT to be messed with. Beautiful and bodacious, they can crush any unwanted pest between their sumptuous Gazungas and mosey on into the flammkuchen aisle with nary a blink.

Of course, a couple of neurotoxic Brazilian Wandering Spiders have bitten or flung themselves at English chefs and grocery shoppers over the past ten years, but who, at this point, wouldn’t bite the English? Maybe Haz & Meggles need to take their whining grievances to Brazil and spread their Gospel of peace, reconciliation, harmony, balance, independence, centeredness, forgiveness, new beginnings, and self-responsibility to an audience of locals infested with Phoneutria spiders.

I’m sure that the first one that leaps up and bites Meggles would keel over and die after exposure to a far more potent and horrendous toxicity, and the one that skitters onto the top of Haz’s head and gets tangled in his failing wisps of pubic curls will bite his scalp and merely end up more stupid than it was before it bit the dimwitted sonofabitch.

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#BrazilianWanderingSpider #Bavaria #Bananas #HazAndMegs #GermanWomenHaveNiceBoobs #WomenWithBigBoobsRock #Spiders #Produce #MuchAdoAboutNothing #AuthorJonathanKieran #JonathanKieran #WriterJonathanKieran #CaliforniaLife #OnTheEdge #Wistwood #JonathanKieranTheAuthor #JonathanKieranMusic #JonathanKieranNewAlbum #JonathanKieranArtist #Jericho #JonathanKieranJericho #JerichoAlbum #WritersOfInstagram #ArtistsOfInstagram #AuthorsOfInstagram

Don’t Cry for Me, Sacramento

Anyone remember the Great Sacramento Flood of 1862? Few do, relatively speaking. But why bother with remembrance when one can witness the past become present? If only monsoons could wash away entrenched politicos. Alas, they are as barnacles clinging to the hull of human fractiousness. Anyhow, there’s some big ol’ trees down in the capital. And the waters, they do rise.

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#AtmosphericRiver #California #WinterStorms #Sacramento #GreatFloodOf1862 #AuthorJonathanKieran #JonathanKieran #WriterJonathanKieran #CaliforniaLife #OnTheEdge #Wistwood #JonathanKieranTheAuthor #JonathanKieranMusic #JonathanKieranNewAlbum #JonathanKieranArtist #Jericho #JonathanKieranJericho #JerichoAlbum #WritersOfInstagram #ArtistsOfInstagram #AuthorsOfInstagram 

Prudery to the Left of Me, Prudery to the Right of Me

This is a laugh and a half. Some Mormon congregation photoshopped a 17th Century painting of the Nativity so that the Virgin Mary’s already modest garb went up to her neck and covered her shoulders. They also blurred the itsy bitsy genitals of the infant Jesus. Silly Mormons. Just put Mary and Jesus in Magic Underwear and be done, already. (And this from a bunch whose lead angelic figure is named “Moroni”).

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#WellINever! #ThoseKookyMormons #MagicUnderwear #VirginMary #PrudesAmongUs #AuthorJonathanKieran #JonathanKieran #WriterJonathanKieran #CaliforniaLife #OnTheEdge #Wistwood #JonathanKieranTheAuthor #JonathanKieranMusic #JonathanKieranNewAlbum #JonathanKieranArtist #Jericho #JonathanKieranJericho #JerichoAlbum #WritersOfInstagram #ArtistsOfInstagram #AuthorsOfInstagram

Clive Barker Working Hard to Catch Up

Horror and fantasy auteur Clive Barker saw his career momentum hindered by unforeseen health setbacks in recent years, which is a great shame, given that he is one of the few truly multi-talented major writers of the past forty years. A number of his projects (which are not for everybody, admittedly) have been stalled—none more dishearteningly than his brilliantly panoramic, lush young adult series, Abarat. Here’s hoping that Mr. Barker can bring these and various other intriguing ideas to the completion they deserve as soon as possible. Go get ‘em, Clive!

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#CliveBarker #LiteraryHorror #Abarat #Nightbreed #Midian #AuthorNews #AuthorJonathanKieran #JonathanKieran #WriterJonathanKieran #CaliforniaLife #OnTheEdge #Wistwood #JonathanKieranTheAuthor #JonathanKieranMusic #JonathanKieranNewAlbum #JonathanKieranArtist #Jericho #JonathanKieranJericho #JerichoAlbum #WritersOfInstagram #ArtistsOfInstagram #AuthorsOfInstagram 

Everyone Ends Up in Myrtle Beach at One Point or Another

… even Great White Sharks named “Jekyll”. Southern food may not be good for you, but it’s tasty. And extra salty in the ocean.

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#GreatWhiteSharks #MyrtleBeach #Tracking #Ocearch #AuthorJonathanKieran #JonathanKieran #WriterJonathanKieran #CaliforniaLife #OnTheEdge #Wistwood #JonathanKieranTheAuthor #JonathanKieranMusic #JonathanKieranNewAlbum #JonathanKieranArtist #Jericho #JonathanKieranJericho #JerichoAlbum #WritersOfInstagram #ArtistsOfInstagram #AuthorsOfInstagram

The Stone Rolled into the Sewer Ages Ago

Rolling Stone Magazine’s recent publication of its list of the 200 Most Influential Musicians or Best Singers of All Time (or whatever) has caused a fair amount of controversy because of the groundbreaking and legendary artists of modern history who were left off the slapdash enumeration. Any group of numbskulls that deigns to include Kelly Fucking Clarkson as one of the 200 Greatest of All Time ANYTHINGS while ignoring colossal talents and pioneers like Judy Garland, Maria Callas, or even Annie Lennox is cognitively emaciated when it comes to objectivity, historical knowledge, perspective, judiciousness, comprehension, and critical thinking capabilities, etc., etc. But the promulgation of such a shitty list should not surprise anyone familiar with the abysmal plunge of Rolling Stone from edgy journalistic bastion in the 1970s to illiterate conglomeration of pseudo-hipster douche kayakers by the very early 2000s. There’s nothing to see there, folks, and there hasn’t been in a relatively long time. Beyonce as one the Ten Greatest talents of All Time. Please. I’m surprised these nitwits didn’t put Tickle Me Elmo in the Top 5. My cat could arrive at a more sensible Top 200, but then again, she’s been properly educated.

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#RollingStone #CognitiveDecline #CulturalIgnorance #Brainlessness #Top200 #AuthorJonathanKieran #JonathanKieran #WriterJonathanKieran #CaliforniaLife #OnTheEdge #Wistwood #JonathanKieranTheAuthor #JonathanKieranMusic #JonathanKieranNewAlbum #JonathanKieranArtist #Jericho #JonathanKieranJericho #JerichoAlbum #WritersOfInstagram #ArtistsOfInstagram #AuthorsOfInstagram

Birdysaurus—Haven’t We Already Been Through This

Chinese archaeologists have discovered a “strange, dinosaur-like bird skeleton.” Is it a missing link? Is it just me or wasn’t this science settled decisively by the pronouncements of Dr. Alan WhatsIzName and Dr. Ellie WhoozyFutchins in the first Jurassic Park film ca. 1992? What more recycling of well-flogged evidence is required after those two infallible titans of paleontology have spoken?

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#Dinosaurs #Birds #BirdsAreDinosaurs #JurassicPark #Archaeopteryx #AuthorJonathanKieran #JonathanKieran #WriterJonathanKieran #CaliforniaLife #OnTheEdge #Wistwood #JonathanKieranTheAuthor #JonathanKieranMusic #JonathanKieranNewAlbum #JonathanKieranArtist #Jericho #JonathanKieranJericho #JerichoAlbum #WritersOfInstagram #ArtistsOfInstagram #AuthorsOfInstagram 

Tiny Gelatinous Murderers

Australians generally refer to the constellation of species comprised of extremely dangerous coastal jellyfish as “marine stingers” or “sea wasps”. Their more common designations are Box Jellyfish (for the larger, blobbier kind) and Irukandji, for the minuscule gobs of gelatinous cells that might as well be invisible to swimmers, given that they are only 2 cm in size and impart stings that can prove lethal to anyone unfortunate enough to brush against one in the briny. These unseen killers have been responsible for a rash of deaths obvious and not-so-obvious, and several children were recently airlifted from Australian beaches after falling victim to the little spit-wads’ potent venom. Researchers believe that even more “deaths by Irukandji” have occurred but remain unrecorded because the fatalities have been written-off as cardiac arrests. Hey, Aussies: if Grandpa keels while doing the butterfly out there on a sunny day, don’t assume it’s down to a malfunction of his tired ol’ ticker. Irukandji stings can induce almost immediate cardiac arrest … along with excruciating pain, nausea, and paralysis of the lungs. Neurotoxin Jamboree!

At all events, one sensible bloke is raising the alarm about the need for further research and prevention when it comes to humans encountering these murderous globules of sea-snot. A great portion of attention is being lavished upon the habits and horrors of more exciting and camera-ready villains like great white sharks and saltwater crocodiles in Australia, but marine stingers may be the more pressing everyday problem for anyone entering the oceans and estuaries. And recent studies and accidents indicate that these marauding Demon-Loogies are increasing in offshore numbers. Probably a result of climate change or the Chinese. Who knows? Well, THAT is precisely why certain people Down Under are insisting that it’s time to find out. Read more about the phenomenon HERE.

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#Irukandji #MarineStingers #Australia #Research #VenomousCreatures #MarineBiology #AuthorJonathanKieran #JonathanKieran #WriterJonathanKieran #CaliforniaLife #OnTheEdge #Wistwood #JonathanKieranTheAuthor #JonathanKieranMusic #JonathanKieranNewAlbum #JonathanKieranArtist #Jericho #JonathanKieranJericho #JerichoAlbum #WritersOfInstagram #ArtistsOfInstagram #AuthorsOfInstagram