POP HAZMAT HEADLINE DU JOUR: Rat-Meat Ring Busted in China! posted by JONATHAN KIERAN

A sweeping modern fairy-tale is born. Book One is the timeless magical cornerstone – a lavishly illustrated, all-ages epic poem and genuine “spell” to treasure (and share) for a lifetime. Rowan Blaize launches the series, while the following works bring our warlock’s world to luminous life within the framework of several (witch)crafty novels! Click here for all of the special $0.99 Kindle e-book downloads.



Add a little bit of mint jelly and you've got yourself a delightful Sunday dinner in Shanghai!

Add a little bit of mint jelly and you’ve got yourself a delightful Sunday dinner in Shanghai!

CULTURAL TOXICITY QUOTIENT: 15 (Pretty Much Off The Toxicity Richter Scale)

RUDIMENTARY ANALYSIS: Food inspectors and other regulatory officials in China have busted a rat-meat ring! Yes indeed, it appears that some naughty culinary deceivers were attempting to foist the gnarly flesh of furry, sewer-dwelling vermin upon unsuspecting consumers, who were led to believe it was nuttin’ but mutton. Authorities revealed that people have been unwittingly enjoying steaming bowls of Rat Kung-Pau since 2009. I think I’d be a little peeved. Wouldn’t you?

EXISTENTIAL RAMIFICATIONS: This puts the UK horse-meat scandal on a slightly lower “nausea rung” in the Hierarchy of Gastronomic Outrage, but I’ll probably be giving the Shanghai Street Dumplings a pass the next time I go to P.F. Chang’s. Seriously, I consider it a loss, but I’m not going to be able to help it.

TAKE-AWAY QUOTE: “In March, the Shanghai government also pulled more than 10,000 dead pigs from the Huangpu river, a water source for the city.” (This is such an additional disappointment: My all-time favorite bottled beverage is Huangpu Sparkling Water! Sure, it was a little cloudy and tasted kind of rancid, but it had that subtle, alluring bacon-y taste that everyone’s talking about these days.)


MUSICAL REHAB: “Ben” by Michael Jackson. Suggested lyrical changes: “Ben, most people would turn you away … er … but the Chinese lady down the street really wants to have you over for dinner.”

DETOX DINNER: PF Chang’s Shanghai Street Dumplings! (Ask your waitress for an extra side of whiskers. They’re the best!)



Escape the Imminent Collapse of Civilization, Friends, if Only for a Few Hours. Get acquainted with the comparatively sane world of Rowan Blaize …

One witty 2,800 year-old warlock. A suspicious storm that hurls him to earth near London. A goddess who wants to destroy the world. The catch? She needs Rowan’s face. REMOVED.

A deliciously twisted magical adventure is born with Rowan Blaize and the Enchanted Heritage Chronicles. Use any of the Rowan Blaize book icons on the upper-right (or use the links below) to learn more or purchase with an enchanted click.
Amazon Kindle Version (Only $0.99 Each!)
Book One
Book Two
Book Three
Amazon Author Page (Kindle and Paperback versions)
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Rowan Blaize Official Website

2 Comments on “POP HAZMAT HEADLINE DU JOUR: Rat-Meat Ring Busted in China! posted by JONATHAN KIERAN

  1. Why does Gattos con Queso come to mind?!

    Jack Galante President Galante Family Winery, Inc. “Always drink upstream from the herd!”

    • Hilarious! But … don’t go getting any exotic ideas for your next BBQ at the winery, there, Boss Man ;-). Your famous Thai marinated tri-tip is just dandy.

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