POP HAZMAT HEADLINE DU JOUR: Rat-Meat Ring Busted in China! posted by JONATHAN KIERAN
A sweeping modern fairy-tale is born. Book One is the timeless magical cornerstone – a lavishly illustrated, all-ages epic poem and genuine “spell” to treasure (and share) for a lifetime. Rowan Blaize launches the series, while the following works bring our warlock’s world to luminous life within the framework of several (witch)crafty novels! Click here for all of the special $0.99 Kindle e-book downloads.
HAZMAT HEADLINE DU JOUR: RAT-MEAT RING BUSTED IN CHINA! posted by JONATHAN KIERAN
CULTURAL TOXICITY QUOTIENT: 15 (Pretty Much Off The Toxicity Richter Scale)
RUDIMENTARY ANALYSIS: Food inspectors and other regulatory officials in China have busted a rat-meat ring! Yes indeed, it appears that some naughty culinary deceivers were attempting to foist the gnarly flesh of furry, sewer-dwelling vermin upon unsuspecting consumers, who were led to believe it was nuttin’ but mutton. Authorities revealed that people have been unwittingly enjoying steaming bowls of Rat Kung-Pau since 2009. I think I’d be a little peeved. Wouldn’t you?
EXISTENTIAL RAMIFICATIONS: This puts the UK horse-meat scandal on a slightly lower “nausea rung” in the Hierarchy of Gastronomic Outrage, but I’ll probably be giving the Shanghai Street Dumplings a pass the next time I go to P.F. Chang’s. Seriously, I consider it a loss, but I’m not going to be able to help it.
TAKE-AWAY QUOTE: “In March, the Shanghai government also pulled more than 10,000 dead pigs from the Huangpu river, a water source for the city.” (This is such an additional disappointment: My all-time favorite bottled beverage is Huangpu Sparkling Water! Sure, it was a little cloudy and tasted kind of rancid, but it had that subtle, alluring bacon-y taste that everyone’s talking about these days.)
THERAPEUTIC CINEMA: Ratboy (1986)
MUSICAL REHAB: “Ben” by Michael Jackson. Suggested lyrical changes: “Ben, most people would turn you away … er … but the Chinese lady down the street really wants to have you over for dinner.”
DETOX DINNER: PF Chang’s Shanghai Street Dumplings! (Ask your waitress for an extra side of whiskers. They’re the best!)
FURTHER READING: Adulteration
Escape the Imminent Collapse of Civilization, Friends, if Only for a Few Hours. Get acquainted with the comparatively sane world of Rowan Blaize …
One witty 2,800 year-old warlock. A suspicious storm that hurls him to earth near London. A goddess who wants to destroy the world. The catch? She needs Rowan’s face. REMOVED.
A deliciously twisted magical adventure is born with Rowan Blaize and the Enchanted Heritage Chronicles. Use any of the Rowan Blaize book icons on the upper-right (or use the links below) to learn more or purchase with an enchanted click.
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