Category: Pop HazMat Headline du Jour

Opinions vary on the value of Japanese “snail facials.” #Dowager unimpressed.

POP HAZMAT “CAPTURED MOMENTS” presents EAVESDROPPING at the OUTSKIRTS of EXCESS by JONATHAN KIERAN Reports have recently surfaced that a spa in Japan has introduced a new treatment wherein living snails are applied to the human face for purposes of moisturizing and beautification. Many are thrilled to explore the restorative benefits of “snail mucous” in the battle against aging and all-around ugliness, but we … Read More Opinions vary on the value of Japanese “snail facials.” #Dowager unimpressed.

Mexican Volcano Erupts in Reaction to #Kim-K Spawn (Oh, Don’t Look So Surprised.)

HAZMAT HEADLINE DU JOUR: Mexico’s Popocatepetl Volcano Spews Ash 3 Miles High. Scientists Point to Arrival of latest Kardashian Spawn. CULTURAL TOXICITY QUOTIENT: 10 (Oh, don’t look so surprised. You knew this going to be the Beginning of The End) RUDIMENTARY ANALYSIS: One ominous eruption has led to another as the recent expulsion of hellspawn from the womb of Perdition Itself caused a catastrophic … Read More Mexican Volcano Erupts in Reaction to #Kim-K Spawn (Oh, Don’t Look So Surprised.)

Pope mentions “Gay Lobby” in Vatican. Says: “Sure. It’s right next to our Mixed-Marriage Mezzanine.” #satire

POP HAZMAT HEADLINE DU JOUR: Pope Admits Existence of “Gay Lobby” in Vatican. posted by JONATHAN KIERAN (by way of NPR) RUDIMENTARY ANALYSIS: This bodes well for a “Twihard Café” next to the Sistine Chapel in the near future. EXISTENTIAL RAMIFICATIONS: If the Vatican is offering special architectural amenities to accommodate the diverse demographics of its visitors, one must consider this a sign of … Read More Pope mentions “Gay Lobby” in Vatican. Says: “Sure. It’s right next to our Mixed-Marriage Mezzanine.” #satire

Pop HazMat: Don’t pet the beaver if it’s not in the mood. #headlines #lifelessons #wildlife

POP HAZMAT HEADLINE DU JOUR: Beaver Eagerly Kills Fisherman in Belarus posted by JONATHAN KIERAN CULTURAL TOXICITY QUOTIENT: 9 (This tragic event is certain to scar the minds of youngsters who envision beavers to be loving, gentle creatures always willing to share a comforting pot of tea with strangers and help British children plot the downfall of frigid witches hell-bent on preventing magical lions … Read More Pop HazMat: Don’t pet the beaver if it’s not in the mood. #headlines #lifelessons #wildlife