Author: Jonathan Kieran

• 4.9.2013 6:41 PM

  POP HAZMAT RETRO HOF: LOVABLY BAD FOOD FROM CHILDHOOD (Skittles)

  HAZMAT-RETRO HALL OF FAME (LOVABLY BAD FOOD FROM CHILDHOOD) by JONATHAN KIERAN A rather arrogant goddess wants to skin the face off the most adorable warlock you could ever imagine. YOU can save him for only $0.99. Click HERE. TODAY’S…

• 4.8.2013 8:29 PM

  Pop HazMat RANT: We Interrupt Our Regularly Scheduled Programming. Hell yeah. With some John Lennon Thrown-In.

  POP HAZMAT IRREGULARITY A rather arrogant goddess wants to skin the face off the most adorable warlock you could ever imagine. YOU can save him for only $0.99. Click HERE. AT ISSUE: Margaret Thatcher’s DEATH REASON FOR RANT: Filthy disgusting…

• 4.7.2013 3:08 AM

  POP HAZMAT HOF (ONE-HIT WONDER EDITION) “How Bizarre” by OMC

  HAZMAT-RETRO HALL OF FAME: ONE HIT WONDER EDITION by JONATHAN KIERAN (A warlock with troll-skin boots? Yeah. Amazon. Click to SET HIM FREE for $0.99) TODAY’S HONOREE: “How Bizarre” by OMC RUDIMENTARY ANALYSIS: The brainchild of New Zealand pop-funk group…

• 4.5.2013 6:55 PM

  HAZMAT HOF presents CLASSIC KIDS’ TV ON-THE-CHEAP! The Friendly Giant

  HAZMAT-RETRO HALL OF FAME: CLASSIC KIDS’ TV ON-THE-CHEAP! TODAY’S DUBIOUS HONOREE: The Friendly Giant brought to you by CBC (Canadian Broadcasting Corporation) 1958-1985 GUILTY OF VEHICULAR FANSLAUGHTER: Producer Daniel McArthy, Robert Homme (The Friendly Giant), Rodney Coneybeare (Puppeteer) RUDIMENTARY ANALYSIS:…

• 4.4.2013 7:01 PM

  HAZMAT-RETRO SATIRE: Questionable Toys for Tots (The Pole-Dance Doll)

  HAZMAT-RETRO HALL OF FAME (QUESTIONABLE TOYS FOR TOTS) posted by JONATHAN KIERAN TODAY’S DUBIOUS HONOREE: The Pole-Dance Doll! by Whizmodo RUDIMENTARY ANALYSIS: Yes, this doll was ACTUALLY manufactured and tainting toy-store shelves a few years ago, inching the world ever…

• 4.3.2013 6:26 PM

  HAZMAT-RETRO HOF (LOVABLY BAD FOOD FROM CHILDHOOD) Charleston Chew Candy Mouth-Doom

  HAZMAT-RETRO HALL OF LAME (LOVABLY BAD FOOD FROM CHILDHOOD ) posted by JONATHAN KIERAN TODAY’S DUBIOUS HONOREE: Charleston Chew Candy Bars (Vanilla, Chocolate, Strawberry and, sometimes, Banana) RUDIMENTARY ANALYSIS: Billed as “rich nougat covered in creamy chocolate” by its purveyors…

• 4.2.2013 5:17 PM

  HazMat Headline Du Jour: Former Vogue Editor Reveals Models Are Eating Tissues to Stay Thin in Tell-All Book

  HAZMAT HEADLINE DU JOUR: Former Vogue Editor Reveals Models Are Eating Tissues to Stay Thin in Tell-All Book posted by JONATHAN KIERAN CULTURAL TOXICITY QUOTIENT: 5.5 (Typical) RUDIMENTARY ANALYSIS: At least they aren’t licking felines and swallowing cat hair to…

• 4.1.2013 7:26 PM

  HAZMAT-RETRO HOF: CHILDREN’S TV ON-THE-CHEAP! Paulus the Woodgnome (1967-1968)

  HAZMAT-RETRO HALL OF FAME: CHILDREN’S TV ON-THE-CHEAP! TODAY’S DUBIOUS HONOREE: Paulus the Woodgnome (1967-1968) Dutch name: Paulus de boskabouter. GUILTY OF VEHICULAR FANSLAUGHTER: Jan van Oort, the creator of Paulus the Woodgnome and all puppets and sets used in each…

• 4.1.2013 6:08 AM

  HAZMAT-RETRO Hall of LAME: The Star Wars Holiday Special (1978)

  HAZMAT-RETRO HALL OF LAME (LOVABLY BAD TV) posted by JONATHAN KIERAN TODAY’S DUBIOUS HONOREE: The Star Wars Holiday Special (1978) GUILTY OF VEHICULAR FANSLAUGHTER: Director Steve Binder, CBS and every single participant … from Harrison Ford on down to the…

• 3.30.2013 7:20 PM

  Songs That Made Childhood Magical: “7” by the Alligator King #sesamestreet

  Okay, so No. 9 in the “Ten Best Meals I Ever Ate” List is not going to appear today. I’m on the fourth day of a complete fast/cleanse, i.e. no solid food and only lemon-water, honey and cayenne pepper to…