Author: Jonathan Kieran
-
“Your mother was a Japanese bathhouse witch!” #notaninsult #animatedmovies
POP HAZMAT-RETRO presents CAMPY CARTOON VILLAIN-OF-THE-WEEK by JONATHAN KIERAN TODAY’S HONOREE: “Yubaba” (Hayao Miyazaki’s Spirited Away, 2001 Studio Ghibli) RUDIMENTARY ANALYSIS: “Yubaba” is the name-stealing, scene-stealing, chain-smoking witch who oversees a bathhouse for Japanese spirits and other magical entities in…
-
Don’t worry, fellow #doglovers: Doris Day & Betty White have been alerted and they are ON IT!
POP HAZMAT HEADLINE DU JOUR: Activists Target Dog-Meat Festival in China by JONATHAN KIERAN CULTURAL TOXICITY QUOTIENT: 10 (Can’t the Chinese just go back to eating rodents, like normal people? Can’t they lick each other’s eyeballs and call it a…
-
Mexican Volcano Erupts in Reaction to #Kim-K Spawn (Oh, Don’t Look So Surprised.)
HAZMAT HEADLINE DU JOUR: Mexico’s Popocatepetl Volcano Spews Ash 3 Miles High. Scientists Point to Arrival of latest Kardashian Spawn. CULTURAL TOXICITY QUOTIENT: 10 (Oh, don’t look so surprised. You knew this going to be the Beginning of The End)…
-
No Amount of #HocusPocus Can Save Bad Movies from Themselves. We Love ‘Em, Anyhow …
POP HAZMAT-RETRO HALL OF LAME presents LOVABLY ROTTEN FANTASY MOVIES TODAY’S DUBIOUS HONOREE: HOCUS POCUS (Walt Disney Pictures, 1993) GUILTY OF VEHICULAR FANSLAUGHTER: Bette Midler, Sarah Jessica Parker, Kathy Najimy, all Producers, Directors, Writers RUDIMENTARY ANALYSIS: This movie appears to…
-
Here’s to the Dads who taught us to breathe radioactive flame & destroy our enemies! #fathersday
POP HAZMAT HOLIDAY EDITION presents FATHER of the MILLENNIUM (Monster Edition) by JONATHAN KIERAN TODAY’S HONOREE: Godzilla, Patient Father of Irritating Shame-Child, Minilla PRIME EVIDENCE OF FANTASTIC FATHERLY SKILLS: Son of Godzilla (1967, Toho Studios) Godzilla’s Revenge (1971) RUDIMENTARY ANALYSIS:…
-
And you think YOUR kids are bored? They’re licking #eyeballs in Japan. #headlines
POP HAZMAT HEADLINE DU JOUR: Eyeball-Licking Fad Latest Proof of Japanese Insanity by JONATHAN KIERAN CULTURAL TOXICITY QUOTIENT: 9 (Not quite as twisted as Howl’s Moving Castle … worse than seppuku) RUDIMENTARY ANALYSIS: I’m going to be brutally honest, here.…
-
Have you witnessed a Crime against Beauty? Don’t hesitate to call 911. #headlines #satire
POP HAZMAT HEADLINE DU JOUR: British Man Calls Police to Complain About Ugly ‘Lady of the Evening’ CULTURAL TOXICITY QUOTIENT: 0 (All citizens should be as well-informed about their rights as this Birmingham gentleman when it comes to the scourge…
-
Pope mentions “Gay Lobby” in Vatican. Says: “Sure. It’s right next to our Mixed-Marriage Mezzanine.” #satire
POP HAZMAT HEADLINE DU JOUR: Pope Admits Existence of “Gay Lobby” in Vatican. posted by JONATHAN KIERAN (by way of NPR) RUDIMENTARY ANALYSIS: This bodes well for a “Twihard Café” next to the Sistine Chapel in the near future. EXISTENTIAL…
-
Who says workplace naps won’t keep the $$$ in circulation? Job-Snoozing is THE LOOK. #headlines
POP HAZMAT HEADLINE DU JOUR: German Bank Employee Falls Asleep on Keyboard, Accidentally Transfers Millions CULTURAL TOXICITY QUOTIENT: 0 (Naps are the ANSWER to cultural disintegration across the globe! Join the happy crusade!) RUDIMENTARY ANALYSIS: A few weeks back, I…
