Author: Jonathan Kieran

4.5.2013 6:55 PM

HAZMAT HOF presents CLASSIC KIDS’ TV ON-THE-CHEAP! The Friendly Giant

HAZMAT-RETRO HALL OF FAME: CLASSIC KIDS’ TV ON-THE-CHEAP! TODAY’S DUBIOUS HONOREE: The Friendly Giant brought to you by CBC (Canadian Broadcasting Corporation) 1958-1985 GUILTY OF VEHICULAR FANSLAUGHTER: Producer Daniel McArthy, Robert Homme (The Friendly Giant), Rodney Coneybeare (Puppeteer) RUDIMENTARY ANALYSIS:…
4.4.2013 7:01 PM

HAZMAT-RETRO SATIRE: Questionable Toys for Tots (The Pole-Dance Doll)

HAZMAT-RETRO HALL OF FAME (QUESTIONABLE TOYS FOR TOTS) posted by JONATHAN KIERAN TODAY’S DUBIOUS HONOREE: The Pole-Dance Doll! by Whizmodo RUDIMENTARY ANALYSIS: Yes, this doll was ACTUALLY manufactured and tainting toy-store shelves a few years ago, inching the world ever…
4.3.2013 6:26 PM

HAZMAT-RETRO HOF (LOVABLY BAD FOOD FROM CHILDHOOD) Charleston Chew Candy Mouth-Doom

HAZMAT-RETRO HALL OF LAME (LOVABLY BAD FOOD FROM CHILDHOOD ) posted by JONATHAN KIERAN TODAY’S DUBIOUS HONOREE: Charleston Chew Candy Bars (Vanilla, Chocolate, Strawberry and, sometimes, Banana) RUDIMENTARY ANALYSIS: Billed as “rich nougat covered in creamy chocolate” by its purveyors…
4.2.2013 5:17 PM

HazMat Headline Du Jour: Former Vogue Editor Reveals Models Are Eating Tissues to Stay Thin in Tell-All Book

HAZMAT HEADLINE DU JOUR: Former Vogue Editor Reveals Models Are Eating Tissues to Stay Thin in Tell-All Book posted by JONATHAN KIERAN CULTURAL TOXICITY QUOTIENT: 5.5 (Typical) RUDIMENTARY ANALYSIS: At least they aren’t licking felines and swallowing cat hair to…
4.1.2013 7:26 PM

HAZMAT-RETRO HOF: CHILDREN’S TV ON-THE-CHEAP! Paulus the Woodgnome (1967-1968)

HAZMAT-RETRO HALL OF FAME: CHILDREN’S TV ON-THE-CHEAP! TODAY’S DUBIOUS HONOREE: Paulus the Woodgnome (1967-1968) Dutch name: Paulus de boskabouter. GUILTY OF VEHICULAR FANSLAUGHTER: Jan van Oort, the creator of Paulus the Woodgnome and all puppets and sets used in each…
4.1.2013 6:08 AM

HAZMAT-RETRO Hall of LAME: The Star Wars Holiday Special (1978)

HAZMAT-RETRO HALL OF LAME (LOVABLY BAD TV) posted by JONATHAN KIERAN TODAY’S DUBIOUS HONOREE: The Star Wars Holiday Special (1978) GUILTY OF VEHICULAR FANSLAUGHTER: Director Steve Binder, CBS and every single participant … from Harrison Ford on down to the…
3.30.2013 7:20 PM

Songs That Made Childhood Magical: “7” by the Alligator King #sesamestreet

Okay, so No. 9 in the “Ten Best Meals I Ever Ate” List is not going to appear today. I’m on the fourth day of a complete fast/cleanse, i.e. no solid food and only lemon-water, honey and cayenne pepper to…
3.29.2013 7:39 PM

HazMat HOF Women We Need to See More Often: Juliette Binoche

Best Meal I Ever Ate No. 9 coming tomorrow. Meanwhile, my mind is on chocolate. More particularly, my mind is on Chocolat … HAZMAT HALL OF FAME (WOMEN WE NEED TO SEE MORE OFTEN) TODAY’S FORTUNATE HONOREE: JULIETTE BINOCHE PEDESTAL-WORTHY…
3.28.2013 7:25 PM

TEN BEST MEALS I EVER ATE (Where, Why & What-Not) Number 10: Cafe Sud at Sofitel El Gezirah, Cairo

TEN BEST MEALS I EVER ATE: THE WHERES, THE WHYS and THE HOWTOFORES (And I Can’t Believe I’m Dredging This Up NOW, When I’m On a 10-Day FAST! Then Again, Of Course I’m Dredging it Up. Dream, Boy, Dream. That’s…
3.27.2013 5:18 PM

HAZMAT-RETRO HALL of LAME: Vienna Sausages …Good Enough for Lohan, Good Enough for You

HAZMAT-RETRO HALL OF LAME (LOVABLY BAD FOOD FROM CHILDHOOD ) TODAY’S DUBIOUS HONOREE: VIENNA SAUSAGES RUDIMENTARY ANALYSIS: In America, these dainties consist of the unspeakable parts of beef, pork and chicken combined with wiggly rat tails (for color), all thrown…